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January 2012

January 13, 2012

My Plans for Tonight

Last night for dinner I had some pepperoni pizza. Tonight I am going to have more pepperoni pizza. Not leftover pepperoni pizza, either. A brand-new “from the pizzeria” pepperoni pizza that I ordered via telephone and will shortly be picking up from the pepperoni pizza making place.

On the way home from the pizza making place, I will make a quick stop at the supermarket where I will buy some ice cream. Ice cream is another thing I am going to eat tonight. First, I’m going to eat the pepperoni pizza, then the ice cream, and if I am still hungry after that, I will eat more pepperoni pizza. I probably won’t be hungry after that but if I am I will eat more ice cream.

Here’s what I will be doing while eating the pepperoni pizza and ice cream: watching TV. I am going to turn on the TV and just kind of flip around between shows while putting all that pepperoni pizza and ice cream into my face. I won’t really be paying attention to either activity, the eating or the TV watching. Nobody can stop me from these plans. Not the president, not even an astronaut.

These are my plans and I am going to see them through. When I am done with all of that, I will think about how much I hate myself.