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July 14, 2010

World's Most Popular Male Australian? Me.

Now that Mel Gibson has imploded and Heath Ledger isn’t around to take the crown, I would like to throw my hat in the ring for new “World’s Most Popular Male Australian.” I first floated this idea on the “Late, Late Show” a couple nights ago and since then it has really taken hold in my mind. Do I think I have a legitimate shot? I do.


Yes, I have a few things working against me. The first and most obvious is the fact that I am not Australian. But I think this can probably be overcome with a little vocal training and the occasional reference to Canberra, which Wikipedia informs me is the capital of Australia. (Until this moment, I thought the capital was either Sydney or Ottawa.)


The second is that I am not (currently) popular. This need not be an impediment. After all, lots of people aren’t currently popular, and one of them will eventually become the world’s most popular male Australian. I have an advantage over all of those guys in that I have already begun pursuing this goal with the single-minded intensity of Gary Ablett. (Who? Former Australian rugby player, who I know about because I am Australian.)


When I first brought up this idea, Craig Ferguson, the host of “The Late, Late Show” (who may or may not be Australian himself) mentioned that he believes Hugh Jackman is now poised to capture the title. If actual popularity and actual nationality are to be the only factors taken into consideration, then it’s hard to disagree with his assessment. But here’s the thing: I want this more than he does. So here’s my proposal to Hugh. Rather than have us fight it out, I will take the title of “World’s Most Popular Male Australian,” and you can be “World’s Most Beloved Male Australian.” That way we both win, and we can high five each other when we’re tag teaming Nicole Kidman.


Think about it world. I’m here, I’m available, and I’m ready to be popular. So, until next time, as we say in Australia: good day, friend. 

(Me on Ferguson - not sure where I talk about being Australian, but you can watch if you want.Also, I know the shirt is too tight. It wasn't the shirt I wanted to wear, but the wardrobe guy told me the other shirt would be bad for TV. So I wore this one instead. I had no idea it would look so awful. Please stop yelling at me about it. I will never wear that shirt again or at least until I lose thirty pounds or two stone, as we say in Australia)




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Gary Ablett played AFL, not rugby, I know about this not because I am Australian, but because a friend of mine blew his nephew on a regular basis. But I am also Australian.


We don't really love Hugh Jackman. that guy's a flowery showoff and that's not our thing.


as an Australian male, I condone this


Ottawa is in Canadia, stupid.

Asian Women

Michael, you have my vote!



If Hitler can become the hottest babe in Australia then by golly Michael will become the most popular male.

Michael Ian Black for Prime Minister! Put Gillard back where she belongs.


HI Mike,
You get my vote too!


Person 1: My favorite everything is....
Person 2: Michael Ian Black.
Person 1: Yeah, of course it's Michael Ian Black, I was testing yoooou!
Person 2: I feel like your love of Michael Ian Black is flattening me like a red hot iron.
Person 1: ...okay.....you smell like tar... and dead mastedon
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: No.

♡ U. You're from Australia.

Reenole Kidman

I like how on the previous blog your Witstream partner is trying to guess the shirt you wanted to wear "orange gingham, right?". I was "this close" to piping up about the blue v neck sweater and/or the orange jacket, but didn't want to come across too 1. overly familiar 2. sassy and 3. creeeeeepy. (Because God knows...God knows...)

As a fellow Aussie, I found you fun to watch. Too bad a few of your shirt buttons didn't pop and clip Craig in the chin or something. Could have heated things up - for those who like that sort of thing.

Btw, best colors on you are black, royal blue, light v-neck sweater blue, dark fudge cabinet brown, bright wintry white, and any fucking shade of green you choose.

Now, go. Be free.

Why are you in Canada anyway?


Reenole, the language! I'm shocked and awed.
I think the whole tight shirt thing was a ploy. Marketing strategy. Let's watch TMZ closely for any announcements.


Sometimes I want to sleep in your mind.


Bailey, I like it. Slumber party in Michael's head. I'm in.

Fuck you

You suck...go die.


I think you looked amazingly good in that shirt, though I also couldn't stop watching the buttons with fascination, awaiting disaster.


found the shirt almost as entertaining as your interview. Please make a promise to never wear those white tube socks on tv again. This is for your own good.


Yay Jaime! I'll bring the poppin' corn! It's going to be like "Being John Malkovich," except different.


Do you think we could eat at that restaurant where everybody has a MIchael Ian Black head, and we could just sit around saying, "Michael, michael. Michael?? Michael. Michael Michael Michael? Michael. Mike."

That would be amazing. except different. :)


This blog is over a week old and starting to have that "not so fresh" smell. Yeasty.


Plus, that banner flashing about the fact that I won a free Ipod is a huge lie and you know it. Unless you plan on sending me yours because you feel sorry for me on several different levels. That's ok. I'll swallow my pride if it means s free Ipod.

Lick it first.


MIB you look so hot. For srs come to Orlando so I can touch you.


Tandem brother car hood pooping..... Now that I have your attention something has been going through my head lately that is related to this. Speaking of Hugh Jackman what if you ran across Morgan Freeman and out of nowhere he wanted to you to give him an HJ. Me personally, I go for it. I'm not gay, and I don't find Morgan Freeman attractive. But by the laws of ratios what are the chances I'd ever get this opportunity again? It's not like I run into Freeman often. He probably has his pick of chicks being a rich black celebrity. But if suddenly he pinpointed me for an HJ I'd just have to do it simply because it's a one in a billion shot this situation would ever present itself again. It raises all sorts of questions too. I'd probably feel some pressure to be good at it because I'd hate to let him down. After all he picked me and I didn't even know he was into that shit. So we do it, he finishes and then we part ways. Now I've got a story for the ages and SE7EN never looks the same to me again.


People really misuse this blog Michael. It's all boring comments. I wanna hear some real dialogue about you and Jackman docking inside Nicole Kidman. Literally tying up a small rope inside her and docking your man vessel. While docked you could peruse for souvenirs, grab some cocktails or watch a folk band. Write me back I think it would be cool to exchange email! juxzodiac@yahoo.com


MIB, you really should replace Carell when he leaves The Office. The show would be 20x funnier.


It raises all sorts of questions too. I'd probably feel some pressure to be good at it because I'd hate to let him down,Unless you plan on sending me yours because you feel sorry for me on several different levels

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