My Vacation

Feeling kind of lousy today, my first day of vacation with the family. Do I blame the intercontinental travel or the amount of time spent with my loved ones? I am not going to speculate. I would tell you where I am, but it’s kind of a cheesy place and I don’t want you to think I’m cheesy. Alright I’ll tell you if you won’t think I’m cheesy. I rented out Jon Bon Jovi’s house. IT’S NOT AS CHEESY AS IT SOUNDS!!!

 

First of all, JBJ has really good taste. The house is decorated in late 19^th century English and French antiques. The carpets are all Persian (pre-revolution), and the football jerseys on display are all from REALLY GOOD players (John Elway, LaDamian Somebody). If there is one cheesy element, it is the swimming pool shaped like a giant guitar. But it’s a Gibson guitar and everybody knows they make the best guitars in the world. Also, I’m not really renting Jon Bon Jovi’s house. I don’t have that kind of money and I doubt JBJ needs rental income. But if I were going to rent it, I bet it would look like that. (If anybody has photos of Jon Bon Jovi’s house, please email them to me.)

 

I am not somebody who spends a lot of time pining for vacations. They stress me out. Mostly when I am on holliday what I want to do is the same thing I do at home, just someplace else. Those things include: bicker with my family, surf the internet, and try to convince myself that I look good despite growing evidence to the contrary. I think my physical looks peaked in 1997 and since then it’s been a long slow slide to decrepitude. I know this because now when I refer to myself as a “middle-aged man” nobody laughs or even smiles. Their silence is their agreement. I am middle-aged and finally developing the paunch I’ve read so much about. It’s not nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be when I was twenty-one.

 

But of course all of that gets set aside when I am on vacation. When I am on vacation, my main concern is where am I going to eat and how much am I going to sleep and do I have enough books? That’s pretty much it. The rest of it: the socializing, the catching up with old friends, the sniffing of various cheeses and sampling of various soft drinks, none of that stuff matters. When I am looking for in a vacation is a lull from my normally frenetic life. I define “frenetic” as not having a job and sitting home every day doing nothing.

 

So yes, I am on vacation in a sunny clime with people I love and eating foods that, to this point, have produced a mild headache and severe shakes. This is because all I’ve eaten is sugar and caffeine. Because I am vacationing at Starbucks. Because it’s all I can afford. And because that’s where I’m working now. If Jon Bon Jovi comes in, I am going to be so stoked.

 

 

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