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October 02, 2009

Soup!

Fall is here. A great time of year in Connecticut because the trees are turning, the weather is refreshing and brisk, and the kids are back in school. (I actually don’t care about the trees and weather; it’s primarily about the kids.) Yes, it’s hard to believe that only a few weeks ago I was swimming naked in a pool in Spain. What’s even harder to believe is that nobody called the police because it wasn’t my pool.

Autumn is, of course, soup weather. For most of my life I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed soup. I would occasionally crack open a can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle, maybe indulge in a little French onion if the mood hit me. But only in recent years have I discovered that I actually love soup. Pretty much any kind of soup.

Tomato soup? Yes. Minestrone soup? Sure. What about carrot ginger soup? Yes, my friends. I love carrot ginger soup, even though I do not really like either carrots or ginger. But when they are combined into a creamy broth, they gain the magical power of deliciousness. A power known the world over simply as “soup.”

Anything you put in broth becomes tastier than it was before: mushrooms, peas, the cat. Anything. Every culture enjoys soup. The Russians make borscht, the Vietnamese make Pho Bo. Even the Armenians make soup, and they don’t make anything!

Some people think that soup is boring. Not so. If it’s hot enough it can burn you. Getting burned isn’t boring. Just ask a burn victim. In fact, during the Middle Ages, castle guards used to throw boiling cauldrons of soup onto their enemies. Historians may disagree with my previous statement since it is “not true,” but it is possible and that’s the salient point.

Also, soup features heavily in popular entertainment. Think about every successful movie of the last fifty years. Chances are, at least a couple of them had soup in them. I’m not saying soup is responsible for the success of these movies, but it obviously didn’t hurt.

I think of soup as future food since it is two states of matter at the same time. It’s not really solid or a liquid. It’s the best of both. A food you can slurp. A liquid you can chew. It’s like somebody from the twenty-fifth century sent us a care package. The closest anybody has come to inventing something comparable is James Cameron who gave the world liquid metal in “T2.” But you can’t eat robots, James. Lord knows I’ve tried.

Best of all, soup is associated with family. There’s that old saying, “The family that eats soup together eats soup together.” And while that saying may seem a little redundant, it’s still a great sentiment. So this fall, if you find yourself bored and hungry, why not make your family some fresh homemade soup? You’ll look like a real hero and also you can make it cheap which is good if you have a gambling problem like me.

 

 

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Jesse Marino

I'm not sure if the fact that I ate soup whilst reading this helped, but I too now appreciate soup and Armenians more.

Ryan Boyle

Homemade minestrone and pasta and bean soup is how we through it down at my house.

Jesse Marino

Correct grammar and chicken noodle is how we *throw* it down at my house.

Catherine Coleman

just read this and felt compelled to eat/drink a bowl of soup. thanks for reminding me how delicious the simple things can be.

Reen

This blog was mmm mmmm good.

I hope you guys use a crock pot for your various soups and stews. You'll want your mansion to have that oniony-beefy smell that says: "Grammas here and she aint wearin' deodorant!"

Do you make homemade bread? Please do. I realize this is new to you so hold on to your bum: you should dip homemade bread into your soup. (State fans: have at it)

Totally disappointed that you didn't include a recipe for your favorite soup, but I'll forgive you. (Mainly because *you're* cute and *I'm* fickle.)

Andrea

As an Armenian, I would like to remind you that we made the Kardashians. Okay, so I may have just reinforced your point.

Go soup!

Bailey

I'm not a big fan of soup. It gets rid of my chills but it never fills, so I end up eating a hamburger and fries after and think of the calories!

Daquri Factory

"It’s not really solid or a liquid..."

In chemistry class we call this a heterogeneous mixture. Not to be confused with hetero-sexual genius Michael Ian Black.

Oh, and I flipped through your book at borders. I didn't feel comfortable laughing at sick humour in a book store, nor did I want to fork out $17. I hope it comes to my local library!

Mitzi

I plan to make soup this weekend. But please refrain from using "crisp" to describe fall or anything fall-related in future blog entries. I was just telling my husband last night how much I hate "crisp" as an adjective for fall or anything associated therewith. I'm afraid of what I might be driven to should I continue to have "crisp" shoved in my face. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be personally responsible for my committing irresponsible acts.

Ben Daniel

Made an under the table deal with Cambells?

Camille

Oh Renee, you pinned down that peculiar scent so perfectly!

You are preachin' to the choir in regard to soup, Mikey. It's also a little weird that my girl's fortune cookie had the "family that prays together stays together" saying in it yesterday. You freak me out, man.

Will Clark

best thing on a weekend winter's day.. making a soup from fresh veggies and a roasted chicken while writing. The whole apartment takes on a glow. I do miss the old Campbell's Chicken with Dumplings.. they were perfectly formed cubes of potato goo that had a texture unlike anything else I've ever eaten. I wonder if they still make it?

Nick

Next time you're in LA you have to try Souplantation - more flavors of soup than you can shake a stick at. It's the only plantation I'd happily be a slave at!

Ryalye

The only kind of soup I like is bread.

Jessica

Actually, homogeneity or lack thereof, is not the issue when it comes to states of matter. Technically, MIB could be referring to either a gel or plasma. Obviously, soup is neither but in spite of my many neuroses, I shall let this pass.
Also, I'm pretty sure it's "A family that drinks together cries and screams together".

CYNTHIA

HI Michael,
My mom makes really good soup, she freezes it, then we have it during the day or late at night, yummmm!!

Eric

Dear Michael,

Being the large fan I am of Stella, The State, and your humor in general, I decided to purchase tickets to the Milwaukee show (Oct. 14th) of Michael & Michael Have Issues.

The final price tag? $78. That's seventy-eight fucking dollars. We're in a recession, Michael. The basic laws of supply and demand (which I have no understanding of whatsoever) state that since demand is going to be low, "supply" should be high.

In the extensive scientific research experiments that I have performed every Sunday night watching "Cops", I have concluded that $78 is a completely acceptable wage for a blow job. In fact, I could probably get several blow job(s) for this sum.

John Maynard Keynes once wrote, "There is nothing so disastrous as a rational investment policy in an irrational world."

Now I've got absolutely no idea what this means, but I believe that (as an American) you are obligated to "supply" my dick with a blow job October 14th in Milwaukee. If not, I assume the entire free-market economy will collapse.

Thanks in advance,
Eric

Kristen

You are one recipe and food photo away from becoming a mommy blogger right now.

Reen

Thanks Cam for validating my description of that scent. Not that I don't like it.

And Michael you're psychic streak does freak a lot of people out. I'm thinking you're one of those people that managed to tap into that percentage of the brain that most of us don't use. We don't use it because it's super scary. And God told us not to. But you go ahead Fancy Pants, you go riiiiight ahead...

Justine

The more you repeat the word "soup" the stranger it sounds. It is like "hospital" in that respect..or I'm delusional.It almost sounds wrong about the 100th time you say you or read it.

Also Ben..I'm almost positive he did not make an under the table deal with Cambell's. I am assuming that you realize that Campbell's is spelled with a p and are therefore referring to some offshoot Aldi's store brand and we all know that one Michael Ian Black is above fraternizing with cheap food brands. I think.

Nickel Jean

When viewing my email inbox, the notification for this post read "Michael Ian Black Soup!" It was very misleading. But it begs the question...what would Michael Ian Black Soup taste like?

meladiction

Last week at work, our department had a "diversity" lecture. I guess management felt it was needed, since they have a long history of hiring immigrants and the undereducated (and then wonder why these groups have so many problems advancing themselves). Anyway, the speaker (who was a middle-aged black woman) told us that the multicultural phenomenon known as "a melting pot" is more aptly defined as "a big pot of vegetable soup"... which made me burst out in uncontrolled guffaw. Makes sense when you think about it; a few are the meat, some are vegetables (in every sense), and many more are just starchy filler.

LiteralDan

Only thirteen more years till we hit the time of Soylent Green. Now that people are onto that, though, I bet they sidestep over to People Soup instead. Because like you said, soup makes everything delicious. I couldn't agree more.

Anyone else anxiously awaiting the day they get to test out this theory?

Kaitlin

Next time you're in Dublin, you should check out a fantastic little place called "Soup Dragon." With a name so majestic and powerful, you know you're getting into some good shit.

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