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October 14, 2009


I'm not going to lie. This tour is not going well. For the first time in our moderately illustrious careers, we're having attendance problems. Most performers will not admit when attendance is down, but I am not most performers. Because I am already self-loathing, I take a perverse pride in faltering attendance because it further bolsters my already horrible self-image. Tonight we are in Milwaukee, at a lovely ballroom, and there is a real scarcity of paid audience members. Some of them may have won the tickets and some of them may have just wandered in off the street.

Perhaps the reason is the economy. Perhaps ticket prices are too high ($2,500 a piece). Perhaps people are just sick of us. Or perhaps we have fallen into irrelevance. Whatever the reason, it's discouraging to drive/fly to faraway cities only to show up to be met with a half-hearted shrug and cricket sounds. Sometimes cricket sounds are terrific, like when you go to Cricket World, but when you show up at a big ballroom in Milwaukee they can be disconcerting.

All of that said, the audience members who have come are great. Lovely people who enjoy themselves. My whiny blog post is meant to encourage more people to attend, not to disparage those brave and hearty souls who already made the commitment.

I love you.

I hate me.


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"Perhaps people are just sick of us. Or perhaps we have fallen into irrelevance."

pffffffffft. No way man -- just remember, when you were in Austin two years ago, we packed our freezing behinds into tiny spaces in wet and icy subarctic temperatures (well, anything below 60 is subarctic to a Texan) and stood on our husbands' boots with poor lighting and scary space-heaters just to see you two amazing boys. People stood in the streets outside because there was no more room to let people in.

The love is still there. More so I'll bet. Sounds like something wonky happened in Milwaukee. Something Milwonky even. I call fluke.

You deserve better. But you don't worry about you Mikey. You are fantastic, and I hope that your numbers reflect it more. Sure, sometimes what you deserve doesn't always happen, but it can't rain all the time. Don't forget that part: Sunny skies to you funny man.

Love you more.


One thing must be said. Sometimes I have been known to suck dick, really good too. I'm not sucking yours. I'm be too busy laughing!!!! Your Denver show made Denver a little more tolerable...from one c-star to another!

-Desiree M. Gonzalez
" I dodge bullets and shooting stars"

Do you even read these??


First to those other commenters, Milwaukee is not a shitty city at all. Second, Michael, I was there and when I looked behind me, the place looked pretty full!


I was at the Milwaukee show and had a hard time finding a place to sit. From my experience, every show I see at the Turner Hall ballroom has that same vibe. (tables with flickering candles, no assigned seating etc.)

I thought your show was great. Everyone was laughing to the point of tears at your and Showalter's stories and I felt it had a great vibe. I would see you again in a heart beat.

one last thing: I think your tweets are hilarious. Not that many comedians keep it up like you everyday and it's a treat!

matt in milwaukee

jesus, i live in milwaukee and i had no idea you were here. otherwise i would have been there, and on time most likely. were you at the pabst theatre? maybe the problem is like the person said earlier; promotion...although i don't watch tv, or listen to the radio, or read the newspaper...perhaps sidewalk chalk and/or skywriting needs to get into style.

i just got a big group together tonight to watch my new state dvd's...if any of us had known about the show last week, row f would have been filled. FILLED. at least halfway.

hope you come back through.


I'm so sad you guys have now had to cancelled your LA show! My friend and I were really looking forward to seeing you two tomorrow. I wish you can come to LA again sometime soon...


sorry to hear this. i just got the cancellation email for LA. i was sooooooooooo looking forward to it, too. :-(


TypeFull Price TicketTicket PriceUS $30.00 x 1 Price Details Convenience ChargeUS $9.70 x 1

Tickets/ItemsUS $39.70Order Processing FeeUS $5.60Will Call No Charge


Pretty much why I can't go to the show on Wednesday in D.C. I just don't have $45 (not counting gas) to see you guys. But I did see you guys at Toad's Place in Richmond VA last year. You guys were great and it was a huge turnout.


Sorry about the poor turnout.
That just sucks.
Wish I could have been there for your show, as I live in Milwaukee but, sadly I have a shitty job.
Keep up the awesome work, it really resonates fully with my sense of humor! And your new show is a great success among my friends!


I so would have been in Milwaukee had I not had to work the next day. A two hour drive one way is tough that late at night. I instead watched MMHI on my Ipod and got drunk. BTW $25 per ticket was not outrageous, had I had the opportunity to go, I would have paid double.


I would without a doubt see you and take all of my friends if you came anywhere close to me. Come to Canada!


How about doing a show in Cleveland? I can't promise the attendance will be better, but at least you can say: "Well of course nobody came, nobody lives in Cleveland" and people will believe you.



I am a poor college student. I spent $150 to get back to Jersey from college to see you guys last week. I had to miss class, take a bus, a train, a taxi, and then I had to drive down to Montclair from my hometown in the WORST traffic ever. I had a severe sinus infection on the day of my travels as well and was running on about two hours of sleep.
In short: WE EXIST! Those who would go to extreme measures despite poorness to see your shining face in person! Now I am more poor but at least I got to stare at you guys in person for a whole hour. And also I now have a shirt that has Showalter's face on one boob and yours on the other. Totally worth it. THANK YOU FOR EXISTING!


I think people in their 20's, like myself, would be the ones more likely to want to come see you perform. Unfortunately, us 20 some year olds do not have any money to spare.
Blame the economy. Honestly.

2 u

have u made your video yet? i'll need to see it. then I can make my video masturbating to you, masturbating to carries masturbation video.


Geez. Just saying, I'm not a rocket scientist/PR person or whatever, but I had no idea you guys were having a comedy tour. Perhaps if you somehow got onto talk shows, or whatever else people do, they would know you guys are having a tour? Or ads? Paper ads? It takes a lot of promotional work to get things rolling. Idk, I would have gone if I actually knew about it lol.

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