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October 14, 2009

Disappointing

I'm not going to lie. This tour is not going well. For the first time in our moderately illustrious careers, we're having attendance problems. Most performers will not admit when attendance is down, but I am not most performers. Because I am already self-loathing, I take a perverse pride in faltering attendance because it further bolsters my already horrible self-image. Tonight we are in Milwaukee, at a lovely ballroom, and there is a real scarcity of paid audience members. Some of them may have won the tickets and some of them may have just wandered in off the street.

Perhaps the reason is the economy. Perhaps ticket prices are too high ($2,500 a piece). Perhaps people are just sick of us. Or perhaps we have fallen into irrelevance. Whatever the reason, it's discouraging to drive/fly to faraway cities only to show up to be met with a half-hearted shrug and cricket sounds. Sometimes cricket sounds are terrific, like when you go to Cricket World, but when you show up at a big ballroom in Milwaukee they can be disconcerting.

All of that said, the audience members who have come are great. Lovely people who enjoy themselves. My whiny blog post is meant to encourage more people to attend, not to disparage those brave and hearty souls who already made the commitment.

I love you.

I hate me.

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Morgan

Chin up, buckaroo.

Preston

I was firsties, just had trouble submitting.

Zane

I am sorry that you have been getting a low turnout at your shows. I hope that changes. The venue in Los Angeles changed last week and tickets have been unavailable for purchase for over a week. See:

http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/0900433016F8875B?artistid=1025051&majorcatid=10002&minorcatid=51

Surely that doesn't help matters. And the facts are that you are just so terrible at self-promotion, so there is that, too.
I intend to try to get up to LA and see you guys next week, and will bring a bunch of friends if the show doesn't get cancelled. Good luck.

Preston

Also, sorry. I tend not to read the posts before commenting, for obvious reasons. I feel partly responsible: I could've attended one of the shows, but decided that the $2,500 tickets were a tad steep. Selfish, I know. In the future, I promise to buy first, think later.

steph

If I had a job, I would totally be at your Boston show. However, since I've been out of work since March with no jobs coming up I can't spare even $30, let alone $2,500!

Amanda

If you cancel the Boston show like you did the show you were SUPPOSED to be at in May... I'll just, I don't know, kill myself.

But seriously, I'm super excited. Geekily so. I know people like me don't get you loads of dough, but I hope the super fans at least make things for you a little easier.

I'm pretty sure giving gifts is taboo, but I'll try to come up with some to give you guys as a big thank you for making me laugh for so many years.

Keep up the good work. Don't let attendance get you down. It's not your fault. It's they're fault because they don't know what funny is.

JIm Hendricks

d'oh... I was going to go to your Milwaukee performance, but I wasn't able to find anyone to go with. :/

But yeah... the tickets were a little pricey. Especially when Stella, in Chicago earlier this year, was cheaper.

Darren

Clearly, you should blame the Internets. Stella: Live in Boston streams practically for free with Netflix. See you at Comix!

Reen

I'm sorry to read this. People just don't know what they are missing. Hearty laughter is so good for the...everything.

During your set I had to pee (so bad!) so begrudgingly I left my seat to find the bathroom. I'm telling you this because I noticed that the Metro, although not sold out, like usual, was definitely filled to the rim. My point is, you guys should just go ahead and come back to Chicago.

The problem isn't you, it's the economy. Everyone has been effected in one way or another. Unfortunately anything that isn't deemed "necessary", often times gets a back burner. (Entertainment, vacations, luxury items, "Emotion Lotion", etc.)

Keep in mind, that during these times, those that save the dough for trains, taxis, and/or tickets find you to be quite necessary, indeed.

XOXO

Eric

Mike, if it's any consolation, you guys were great tonight! And hey, if all else fails you've got a Detroit morning weatherman position to fall back on.

Kristina E.

Cheer up, Michael! :-)

I hope tonight's crowd/attendance won't stop you from coming back to Milwaukee. I've been waiting for a few years now for you and Michael S. to come to Milwaukee and when I saw that you finally were coming I was at first excited and then a little nervous- I honestly didn't know anyone in Milwaukee who knew of you guys... well, I promoted the show around the city and I thought tonight's attendance was good in my opinion. The crowd may not have been as enthusiastic, but you still gave it your best! Once again, I brought my mom with me (of course, in her infamous crazy hat :-0) and we both loved it!

Both you and Sho were great and I loved how you both did the set together rather than one opens for the other (who would be the headliner?! lol) Good luck on the rest of your tour and remember, just always have fun (hey, you're doing what you love, right?) and you're true, dedicated fans will always be at the shows no matter what!

Kristina E.

*YOUR true, dedicated fans!

I hate when people mix up your/you're and here I am doing it!

Rylee

You're going to be in Minneapolis tomorrow night, and guess who else is? Me. Me, that's who. Except we're not going to be at the same place and I'm really sorry about that, unless you guys want to perform at my game instead. Do you want to? No? YOU DICK! I mean, okay. I understand (but not really).

raishawn

Well that sucks and I'm sorry but that's why you should do shows in Portland instead of Milwaukee.

Katie

Whatever, you should've gone to less-shitty cities. Like, say, Portland, Oregon is a good non-shitty city. We really like you, in case you hadn't noticed, and I've already seen you this year, yet I would've paid AGAIN to have that oh-god-i-am-laughing-so-hard-all-the-capillaries-in-my-face-are-bursting-feeling.

Jenny

Really? I am actually very surprised to hear this. Surprised and sad. I hope this trend doesn't become the norm for the rest of your shows. (I don't know how it could!) I'm hoping Oakland will at least represent for you guys! I just put up posters all over the place for the show, and had a couple people even run up to us, breathless with excitement, asking all kinds of questions and generally were ecstatic at the news that you and Sho were coming. I hope this news cheers you up somewhat. Even if some of those people scared the crap out of us. I mean, you just don't run up to people at night in Oakland whether it's out of happienss or not. I thought they were going to kill us. :/

Good luck Michael[s]!!!

Caitie

Please don't let tonight's crowd discourage you from coming back to Milwaukee! I was there tonight and you guys were incredible!

Danny

Let me be the third to vote for you coming to Portland. I just moved to Portland from the Milwaukee area, so I suggest you do the same.

JustinX

Lack of funds is keeping me from the Boston show... Bills are overrated, but I gotta keep paying them. Stupid economy...

Ramona

Promotion, promotion, promotion. I was at the Springfield,MO show and tickets were cheap but the show was not promoted. I just happened to see an ad in the back of our free newspaper aimed at college students. Many people in the will call line said they only found out about the show the day before. There was still a pretty good turnout. You were funny but Michael seemed preoccupied with his computer most of the time. I thought there would be a sketch or two or some improv, your stories were funny but alot of dead space. Maybe have more of a plan before you guys get on stage. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time and we don't get many comedians like you in our area. I appreciate you coming our way. I hope the rest of your tour improves. Maybe play bigger cities/universities.

John

You listen to me you son of a bitch: you two Ayyyy-holes need to come to Toronto. I will personally guarantee that you get a good turnout.

Some dude in my area had a hard-on to see Paul F. Tompkins in Toronto (he apparently has never been here)....Paul F. said: "If you can guarantee 300 people would come, I'm there." Well, this guy went on Facebook and shit and guess what, I'm seeing Paul F. next Sunday!

MMHI is debuting on Canada's (lameass) "comedy" channel soon...aren't you going to come promote it? I'VE been promoting it to everyone I know, Jack.

Fuck you...I'm your biggest fan in Canada, and this is how you treat me?? Bemoaning the fact that the putzes in Milwaukee are putzes?

Well, poo & pee on you, Michael.

PS: Seriously, please come to T.O. Get in touch with me.

Tom

You have touched on a good point. Yes, people are getting sick of you. With your endless twitter and blog updates I assure you that many have grown very tired of your comedy stylings. Oversaturation is your problem. For example, if I ate Burger King everyday I would probably start to hate their food, even though its super tasty.

Big Red

Turn that frown upside down, come to Cornell we wont disappoint I promise!!!!

Camille

Maybe you should both start a crappy reality show on a major network. That seems to be what the world wants these days. Sucks that true talent doesn't get its just desserts.

You guys are my comedy sunshine;)

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