My Weekend So Far
Did I make gazpacho today? I did. Because I’m finally home and able to do things like make gazpacho. I also made some turkey burgers on the grill and refilled a propane tank. If it sounds like I’m very manly at home, it’s because I am. Set aside the fact that I also fluffed pillows and organized my closet. Those can be manly tasks if they are accompanied by grunts and performed while drinking a Schlitz. Although now that I think about it, gazpacho isn’t a very manly soup, even if you put extra garlic in it, so maybe I’m not as manly as I think. The propane tank was pretty macho, I guess, especially when I was lugging it from my SUV to the grill, so that counts for something.
Regardless, the point is that I am largely finished with television production for a little while, and get to spend some time at home with my family. The weather could not be better, which is why I am inside with the windows closed surfing the internet and blogging.
Some friends from New York are on their way up to my Connecticut mansion with their fantastic, amazing (snotty, ill-behaved) children. Should be fun. We’re going to loll around outside and maybe have a bonfire with s’mores later. Or maybe after the kids go to bed, we’ll decide to swing. Who knows? The point is, I’m grateful to be home.
As for my kids, they are taller than I remember. One of them, whose name escapes me at the moment, has gotten obsessed with the new Wii I bought them out of guilt. When I first bought it, I told them we were going to put a limit on the amount of time they get to play per day. I did not know when I said that, that the limit would turn out to be twenty-three hours a day. When I was a kid, I used to spend pretty much every waking moment on my old Atari system, so I know how he feels. He asked me the other day what my favorite thing to do was when I was a kid. I wanted to say, “masturbate,” but I decided to go with my second favorite thing, which was “play video games.” So I understand his enthusiasm.
Back in my day, there was no concern for the violence in video games. One of the most popular was called “Missile Command,” in which your job was to prevent a nuclear holocaust. The game ended when you failed. So every game of Missile Command ended with six cities decimated by nuclear bombs. Oh well. My son is playing Super Mario Galaxy, and every time I pass him I have to restrain myself from calling him a pussy.
So it’s a good day to be home. Sho and I are going to be on Jimmy Fallon’s show on Tuesday if you want to watch. Should be fun. Also, please don’t forget that our new show “Michael & Michael Have Issues” is on every Wednesday at 10:30 EST. I need the show to succeed because I put the Wii on layaway, and if we get cancelled that’s the first thing that’s going back.
I certainly hope it doesn't get cancelled. It's a WONDERFUL show,plus if you have to return the WII, you'll never be able to match my 300 bowling score. PUNK.
(I really,really love the show)
Posted by: Camille | July 18, 2009 at 07:05 PM
You put the Wii on credit... they don't let you take it home if it's on layaway.
Posted by: Chris Flannery | July 18, 2009 at 10:03 PM
You are very funny.
Posted by: thecitychicken | July 18, 2009 at 10:11 PM
You are very funny.
Posted by: thecitychicken | July 18, 2009 at 10:11 PM
You just reminded me I have a Wii.
Posted by: Bailey | July 19, 2009 at 02:43 AM
Hey, it's Bailey! Hi Bailey!
Mike. I've been reading your tweets. Glad you are home so you can torture your family about thunder, early death, and your dick. Well, the wife might like the last one, but good to hear you're getting some fam time. Enjoy.
And tell that Cantaloupe what the F is up!
Posted by: Jaime | July 19, 2009 at 09:11 AM
Michael...
I've tried. I've really, really tried. Your writing is funny. I enjoyed reaper. You, personally... you just aren't funny. I don't know what it is, but when I see you on screen... I want to punch something.
This has become most disconcerting ever since I have been holding my infant daughter, who was born on the first of July.
You are an extremely talented writer, and your collaborations have brought joy into my life.
Your acting makes me want to peruse the firearms section at Wal-Mart.
Posted by: Mark Hergott | July 19, 2009 at 12:39 PM
I could have sworn you wrote Reaper. I DID enjoy Fatboy, though.
Posted by: Mark Hergott | July 19, 2009 at 12:43 PM
Wow Mark. buzzkill.
Posted by: Jaime | July 19, 2009 at 02:25 PM
I would also complement you on your amazing writing, but my fingers are getting kind of tired from typing this...whew...I'm off to bed.
Posted by: Jkopp | July 19, 2009 at 09:53 PM
Hey, I heard you on the radio this morning and the lady had no idea what you were about. I was overcome with the urge to say I love your work, Stella was wonderful, kids in the hall rocked. I have honestly loved everything you have done and your new show is no exception. Keep up the good work you have seriously entertained me for a large portion of my life and I hope you keep going.
Have a great day!
Posted by: Laura | July 20, 2009 at 12:03 PM
Man, I fucking forgot to watch the damn premier episode! I'm not used to watching new shows yet, so I just cruise the internet or play video games. I guess with those activities you can't blame me. Still, I need to just DVR that show and be good to go.
The clips I saw looked really funny though, so I'm looking forward to a nice addition of non-boring crap for Comedy Central. There's only 3 shows worth anything on there, and 1 of them is nothing but reruns.
Posted by: Mike | July 20, 2009 at 05:39 PM
Did Laura say "Kids in the hall"? Aw man- hot DOG!
Sounds like you had a Big Chill weekend, minus the drugs and death and plus the kids. I guess I'm just wondering if some "past her prime" ovulating single chick got pregnant from an open minded friends husband...?
I'm sure you're happy to be home with your family, relaxing, and enjoying the good life after a job well done. Looking forward to Weds already. And Tuesdays Kimmel show too! I think Jimmy digs you guys (in spite of that impromptu make out session you had with his woman).
Posted by: Reen | July 20, 2009 at 10:49 PM
For fans: Michael and Michael will be on Jimmy Fallon tonight, not Jimmy Kimmel, so set your DVR's accordingly if you want to see them tonight.
Posted by: Zane | July 21, 2009 at 11:16 AM
Thanks Zane.
No one reads my babblings anyway, but just in case...
Posted by: Reen | July 21, 2009 at 11:35 AM
Ha ha! I loved the part where you forgot your kid's name. Made me choke on my PB & J.
Also, loved the new show. Me and my roommate have the DVR set on series record. Yay you!
Posted by: Lost Artist | July 21, 2009 at 01:01 PM
eh, the fans knew who Renee meant. Because we're fans, and we know stuff. We even remember Michael dressing in drag on Kids in the Hall and squishing heads, and wait, wha????
Posted by: Jaime | July 21, 2009 at 06:12 PM