Week One Down

Just a quick check-in to let readers know I am alive and well. Our first week of production for “Michael & Michael Have Issues” is done, and based on what we’ve done this week, I think it’s safe to assume this show will be on television for, at a minimum, seven weeks. So I feel good about that. We’ve got five more weeks of shooting left, and we’ve already learned a lot. The main thing I’ve learned is that you shouldn’t make incredibly racist comments about the network executives when you’re wearing a wireless microphone. Those little buggers are pretty sensitive and do not come equipped with the “racist filter” that I assumed they had. My bad.

Another lesson from the first week: if you eat salad every day for lunch, you will spend much of the rest of the afternoon looking for discreet places to fart. Of course, with a large crew around, those places are tough to find. Also, just as the microphone does not have a “racist filter” nor does it have a “sputtering engine fart filter.” Unfortunate, but true. I assume network television shows can afford these filters. Not us.

The third lesson from the first week is that swordplay is pretty funny and surprisingly dangerous. Swords were apparently used in old-fashioned times for actually hurting and/or killing people and not just for sketch comedy. So when you run around with swords, even though it’s modern times, I’m told the swords don’t know the difference and are capable of putting out an eye. Did this happen on our set? It depends on how you define “put out.” The way I define it is that it means the eye cannot be reattached, so by my definition that did not happen on set this week.

Also, horses are not that gentle if you grab their dicks and pretend they’re furry tennis rackets. Lesson learned.

Mostly, though I’ve learned that if you give me enough caffeine I can be charming and funny even at dawn. Again, this depends on your definition of “charming and funny.” In this circumstance, I am defining it as being awake, which is admittedly setting the bar low, but at five in the morning, it’s impossible to set it much higher. All in all, a good first week and I look forward to our second.

Comments

[natalie]

see here...i thought you had forgotten us already.

glad you are learning something during all this running around taping comedy sketches. it's not all fun and games you know!

[Jessica]

Aww, how sweet of you to remember us... although I do wish you'd elabourate on just how racist you were :P

[tara]

we got a bunch of promo copies at work of the first episode of "stella" when it came out. we watched it everyday for month! thought it was so fucking funny, so just know like four years ago at diesel in san francisco we were on the same page as you:)

-tara j

[Camille]

So funny!
So are “sputtering engine farts" similar to "machine gun farts"? I imagine they're not as equally spaced and perhaps a bit more wet.

[thecitychicken]

Why are you trying to hide your farts? You're a man. You can totally get away with even noticeably lifting one buttock to let one out, right in front of people. Then act like you just don't give a shit about farting. Men have it easy.

[Reen should try Ambien too]

Swinging horse dicks like furry tennis rackets! Making me laugh over here!

Lettuce gives you the farts? Weird. Lettuce is so clean. Cabbage, sure. It smells like farts even before you eat it.

Hey look! This guy wished there was a racist filter too: http://blog.windycitywatch.com/2009/04/lyons-illinois-village-president-and.html

Anyway I know you're joking. You may be satanic, but you're not a racist. And you BETTER be joking about 5 weeks of shooting because that means cancelling awesome shows in awesome cities for awesome fans.
Which would NOT be awesome,...(you know I just want to add "fucker" here, but I won't.)

[Camille]

Maybe if they postpone that show(you know,"that" show,Reen) then it would coincide with my little visit? Hmm...something to think about....

[The Naked Redhead]

Swordplay is usually most hilarious when done with children. Weak, clumsy children.

[Reen doesn't want Ambien if it means eating your dog]

Right on Cammie! You and I together? Shut the hell UP! That would mean we could finally join our "crazy broad" forces!

(Well, to clarify, that would be MY crazy broad force coupled with your "Sweet as Sugah Lady from Mizzorah" one.)

[AndrewAtor]

Micheal I'm thrilled to hear that you're back on the horse again. Falling off can be painful, but it's important to think of all of the wonderful artists out there that succeeded on heroin. Mostly though, heroin has taught the world that exports are exports as long as someone is buying.

[Sonny_Amou]

When will this show begin airing? Comedy Central? One of the main networks? Look forward to seeing you back on the idiot box.

SA

[Floordje]

Yeah, my friend went to San Fransico for a craft fair and came back with the stella promo dvd someone had handed her in the street. Me and my graffiti crew spent many a night watching that promo, bootlegging the show off of the net (no cable) AND BUYING THE DVDS (that caps was by accident, but I'm leaving it in)....

Anywho. LOVE YOU GUYSES!!!!

[Christina @ WhatsInYourManPurse.com]

Hmmm... Does that mean that all those only-eat-sald types are also fart-all-day types? Bizarre. Must be the fiber. I was at long's drugs and somehow persuaded myself to buy some benefiber. I was a little perplexed at how other brands advertised "no excess gas". I wondered if that meant that I was buying a product that would give me excess gas. I haven't noticed any difference, actually...

By the way, I have a contest at my blog and yes you too are eligible to win a t-shirt. It's like a caption contest, but more like a top 10 list. I challenge you to try and win my contest. As your readers seem rather witty, they are challenged as well.

[Nikolette Krissoff]

On a totally unrelated note, how come your profile image does not show up on Tweeter when using an iPhone?

[stephanie]

I really don't like CT. The only place I have been in CT is Groton. I like to refer to it as "Rotten Groton"