There's Still Time To Win An Old Sock And Other "Valuable" Prizes!
So far, there have been some excellent entries to my "Millionth Viewer Contest." In fact, as of 10:15 this morning EST, I have received over a hundred and fifty, which is over a thousand in dog entries!
If you haven’t entered yet, you have until 5:45 EST to submit your winning entry answering the question, in ten words or less: “Why are YOU my millionth visitor?”
I’m already hard at work culling through the early submissions, attempting to separate the proverbial wheat from the proverbial chaff. To allow the proverbial cream to rise to the proverbial top. To lead the proverbial horse to the proverbial water and force it to proverbial drink. Etc.
Some helpful tips for those of you still considering submitting entries.
First of all, Jesus references won’t get you very far. As a Jew, invoking the name of the false prophet Jesus Christ only infuriates me and causes my cloven feet to tingle in a most unpleasant way.
Second, reflecting my own work back to me is not going to help your cause. That’s simply recycling my jokes. And while I am, admittedly, hilarious, the effect is somewhat diminished because I’ve heard them all before.
Third, meta entries like “I can win this contest in ten words or less” leave me cold. You’re better than that. And if you’re not better than that, then there's nothing left to be done for you.
So keep those entries coming. I will announce a winner either today or tomorrow. Good luck! There’s still plenty of time to enter and still plenty of old rice to be won.