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February 17, 2009

There's Still Time To Win An Old Sock And Other "Valuable" Prizes!

So far, there have been some excellent entries to my "Millionth Viewer Contest." In fact, as of 10:15 this morning EST, I have received over a hundred and fifty, which is over a thousand in dog entries!

If you haven’t entered yet, you have until 5:45 EST to submit your winning entry answering the question, in ten words or less: “Why are YOU my millionth visitor?”

I’m already hard at work culling through the early submissions, attempting to separate the proverbial wheat from the proverbial chaff. To allow the proverbial cream to rise to the proverbial top. To lead the proverbial horse to the proverbial water and force it to proverbial drink. Etc.

Some helpful tips for those of you still considering submitting entries.

First of all, Jesus references won’t get you very far. As a Jew, invoking the name of the false prophet Jesus Christ only infuriates me and causes my cloven feet to tingle in a most unpleasant way.

Second, reflecting my own work back to me is not going to help your cause. That’s simply recycling my jokes. And while I am, admittedly, hilarious, the effect is somewhat diminished because I’ve heard them all before.

Third, meta entries like “I can win this contest in ten words or less” leave me cold. You’re better than that. And if you’re not better than that, then there's nothing left to be done for you.

So keep those entries coming. I will announce a winner either today or tomorrow. Good luck! There’s still plenty of time to enter and still plenty of old rice to be won.


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My life coach says I'm a winner. Believe that.


I'm glad you're having fun with this. By the time this contest is over, you'll be up to 2,000,000 hits! That was your plan all along, right? ;-)


Oh you are too adorable for words!

I'd love to enter but I perform like crap under pressure (and without liquor).

That said, Imma (<--my sister friends taught me that word along with mod sayings like "Deuces to the left", and "Kick rocks", and "Mmm-mm girl, that's a MESS!") sit back and enjoy the comments.


This website smells like my dick. (My dick smells fantastic.)


I win despite my Southern heritage. I am an anomaly.


I'm incredibly lucky.


If you had read the bible, you'd pick me.


I'm just surprised by how many people that came out of the wood works in hopes of robbing you blind.

Not saying I'm not one of them, but I like to pretend I care more than that.


I will hurt a pony if I do not win.

Harrah's Laughlin Facebook

We apply your rules and advice in our everyday existence.


I make my boyfriend call me Michael when we screw.


reparations for getting 'lust for life' stuck in my head


I should be the millionth viewer competition winner because
I am a winner and thats what winners do. We win shit. Logic


because i told mo rocca i liked you more


At last, I'd stop picking my nose and eating it.


Not THAT Jesus, silly! Jesus is my gardener! Racist.


because I can confidently say that I'm about 60% responsible for your counter hits. (that's according to my "how often I visit MIB" counter) You're welcome!!


want stella.
love book.
need 1 sock.
no rice, please.


As a fellow foodie: I'll send you 5 French cheeses that will stink up your house. (Damn, I went over ;-)!)


Because the mayans predicted it to be so.


"Diary of a Bad Year". Excellent book. Read it (already?).


Oh no! Now people are posting HERE! Now you done it Michael. All kinds of confusion.

I too love seeing how many people crawled out to say hello. That's amazing and all of the comments are hilarious. Your blog never stops giving :)


Can I win because I'm the only one who asked politely?

Also--well done with this little contest, sir. Well done.


Jesus gardens for all his children, other Heidi.


How about you wait till the millionth comment, and then give that person a prize? Genius, I tell you...

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