LeWar Rages On!
Since issuing my clarion call to defeat LeVar Burton in the world’s first Twitter War, thousands have heeded my call. They come from all walks of life: butchers, bakers, candlestick makers. And of course, lots and lots of unemployed bloggers. If I’m honest, it’s 90% unemployed bloggers. Even so, we are united in one purpose: to equal or surpass LeVar Burton’s legions of Tweeter followers. The initial numbers are looking good. In the three days since launching LeWar, my follower numbers have increased 3,000%. His? Less than 10%. Even so, he still has me outmanned over 10 to 1.
I am flanked on all sides. My resources are thin. My ammunition limited to what I can type in 140 characters or less. But we will not give up. We will never surrender. We may take several snack breaks, but we will never surrender.
Already, many have earned distinction on the field of battle. There is General Poopy-Butt, who dispatched his many soldiers to the fight. There is Colonel Grabbyass, she of the grabby ass. There is Mayor McCheese, Sergeant Toast is Delicious, and so many more. Yes, I am randomly assigning ranks and childish noms de guerre to whoever asks. Because that’s how you win! With stupidity! And with lots and lots of free time.
So march on, soldiers. The battle is joined, our ranks are swelling. Soon Mr. Burton will find himself waving the white flag. To the victor go the spoils; the spoils I want? LeVar Burton’s nicotine patch impaled on a wooden spike.
(Your proud commander)
LEWAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Juan | February 23, 2009 at 04:57 PM
MON CAPITAN! I stand ready for battle! (just got a twitter especially for this.)
May I suggest taking your message of awesome conquest to your facebook discussion board? Or perhaps I will start a new topic for this occassion. Merely a humble suggestion, my liege.
Posted by: Jenny | February 23, 2009 at 05:17 PM
In the final (and also first) Twitter War, a soldier's pack is not so heavy as a prisoner's chains. Must. Keep. Fighting.
Posted by: Chris | February 23, 2009 at 05:19 PM
Does following you on twitter mean I have to stop wearing a gold banana clip over my eyes? Because that's gonna be a sacrifice, like Red Badge of Courage style and all.
Posted by: Red | February 23, 2009 at 05:40 PM
Love the happy face pic!
I'm picturing lots of little green army men on a game board. Each soldier has a silly name written on tape fastened to their little green backs so you can keep everyone straight when maneuvering and strategizing.
Boys and their toys...well, at least you're all having fun. And not cutting.
Posted by: Reen | February 23, 2009 at 06:06 PM
I hope you know I joined Twitter just for The Cause.
Posted by: Nickel Jean | February 23, 2009 at 07:14 PM
What is Levar Burton's Twitter Account anyways?
Posted by: dyre | February 23, 2009 at 07:29 PM
MIB gave me the great title of Corporal Squirrel Pants.
Posted by: Brandon | February 23, 2009 at 08:00 PM
It is ON!
Posted by: Davis | February 23, 2009 at 08:04 PM
This is probably one of the best ideas ever. I'll tweet at you tomorrow to join the ranks and earn a name.
Posted by: Tom | February 23, 2009 at 10:22 PM
So Twitter is just status updates? I need more multitasking than that. If there's no Scavenger Hunt, forget it.
I did hear on The View that Jane Fonda "twitters"....you know, just in case you lose this battle, you can take the war to another battleground.
Posted by: Felicia | February 24, 2009 at 12:16 AM
LeVar Burton plays poker. Michael Ian Black plays poker. So do you know what the best way to settle this is? That's right. A game of Twister. This could earn some big time pay-per-view revenue. Somebody call Don King.
Posted by: Chris | February 24, 2009 at 10:19 AM
M.I.B.,
ask and ye shall receive. LeWar is on!: http://bit.ly/ZaExH
Posted by: Erin | February 24, 2009 at 11:48 AM
Im going to be honest, I was enthusiastic to be appointed lutenient of this war, though I am actually only a part time blogger with two real life jobs, I think I've probably only recruited about 100 folks to join your crusade!
Im trying to persuade them by using your good looks as a selling point.
Lead onward oh mighty leader!
Posted by: ImTiffanyTerror | February 24, 2009 at 11:53 AM
Battle report: @levarburton Wondering if @THE REAL SHAQ will join me in #LeWar?
I warned him we might have to pull out the MCHammer in response.
Posted by: sherisaid AKA Colonel Grabbyass | February 24, 2009 at 02:50 PM
if you go to
http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23lewar
you can follow all the twitters of all people that are mentioning lewar. You can even subscribe to the RSS of it. The Lewar rages on live!!!
If you want a twitter to be included in the search, just put the tag #lewar in some part of it.
LEWAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!
Posted by: Juan | February 24, 2009 at 03:14 PM
We need a peaceful end to this madness. What if we just all sit down at a table and talk our problems out over a nice, cold Sierra Mist? You know, just sit all of our chicken cheeks down and forget about who did what to my custom van. You know, all of this LeWaring is going to lead us to a wet, hot American summer if we're not careful. That's not the state that I want Ed and Stella living in. Don't get me wrong. I love the 80's but in 2009 things have changed. Michael and Michael have issues but there will be more wainy days to come if I'm your man. Because in LeWar, reality bites back, people.
Posted by: cmersh | February 24, 2009 at 06:06 PM
You all are a$$hats.
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