LeWar Rages On!
Since issuing my clarion call to defeat LeVar Burton in the world’s first Twitter War, thousands have heeded my call. They come from all walks of life: butchers, bakers, candlestick makers. And of course, lots and lots of unemployed bloggers. If I’m honest, it’s 90% unemployed bloggers. Even so, we are united in one purpose: to equal or surpass LeVar Burton’s legions of Tweeter followers. The initial numbers are looking good. In the three days since launching LeWar, my follower numbers have increased 3,000%. His? Less than 10%. Even so, he still has me outmanned over 10 to 1.
I am flanked on all sides. My resources are thin. My ammunition limited to what I can type in 140 characters or less. But we will not give up. We will never surrender. We may take several snack breaks, but we will never surrender.
Already, many have earned distinction on the field of battle. There is General Poopy-Butt, who dispatched his many soldiers to the fight. There is Colonel Grabbyass, she of the grabby ass. There is Mayor McCheese, Sergeant Toast is Delicious, and so many more. Yes, I am randomly assigning ranks and childish noms de guerre to whoever asks. Because that’s how you win! With stupidity! And with lots and lots of free time.
So march on, soldiers. The battle is joined, our ranks are swelling. Soon Mr. Burton will find himself waving the white flag. To the victor go the spoils; the spoils I want? LeVar Burton’s nicotine patch impaled on a wooden spike.
(Your proud commander)