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February 21, 2009

It's War on LeVar

My internet guru Steve alerted me to the fact that somebody was masquerading as yours truly on Twitter. Even though the person was only linking to my blog, which I actually thought was a lovely thing to do, it wasn't me and I grew alarmed. What if he/she started Twittering inaccuracies about my life? That's my job. So I unleashed my phalanx of rabid lawyers on his/her ass, and reclaimed my Twitterhood as my own. Once I did that, I decided the only correct thing to do was to start Twittering myself. Much to my surprise, it's good, clean fun. Much to my amazement, LeVar Burton has over thirty thousand people following him. For some reason, this outraged me. LeVar Burton? C'mon!

                  Levar-burton

                                         (Such bullshit)

Yes, LeVar was on "Star Trek." Yes, he hosted "Reading Rainbow." But do thirty thousand people need to know what he's up to at any and all hours? Are thirty thousand people feeling their mobile phones vibrate and thinking to themselves, "That must be LeVar."

Well if that many people follow He With the Visor, shouldn't I have at least that many people reading my every missive? Shouldn't thirty thousand people know when I am meeting with a group of former astronauts, as LeVar is doing today? I think so.

If you would like to follow me on Twitter, you can find me under "Michaelianblack."

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qualler

Don't worry Michael, me and my blog are following you. You're way cooler than LeVar Burton. Look at his stupid glasses. They're not even glasses!

Susanna

Darth Vader has almost 40,500 followers. Does that make you feel better or worse?

Wil Wheaton

I've 3X the followers and I was on Star Trek half the time he was. Take THAT Levar Burton!

@wilw

Nick

Screw Levar! We need 1,000,000 MIB followers!!! GET ON IT JUSTIN!

Ryan

Wil Wheaton, I'm calling you out right now: GET OUT OF MY INTERNET.

I had only a vague recognition of you when I heard you on This Week in Tech a few weeks back. I knew you were on Star Trek. I had glanced at your blog once or twice. But now you're everywhere. You're on my Twitter. You're on my Reddit. And now... NOW you're on my Michael Ian Black.

Wil Wheaton, if it shall be war between us, than may God have mercy on your soul.

Wil

I'm posting this from my actual TypeKey account, because some jackass who claims to be me left a comment above that is just not the sort of thing I say.

And welcome to Twitter, Michael Ian Black. I wish you'd been with us a few weeks ago when I was quoting your 140 dollars worth of pudding sketch from The State.

Oh, also: thanks for everything you've done. You've provided me and my friends with way more entertainment than we deserve.

Jaime

Yo! Wil Wheaton was one of my very first young crushes, right along with Cory Nemec of Parker Lewis Can't Lose, and, of course, Atreyou. What up awesome awesome Wil! (so fabulous in Stand By Me). Wow, my inner nrrrdgrrl is about to poop candy corn. Geordi, Wesley, and Levon, all in one interconnected reference. Love it.

And, bee tee dub, you're right qualler -- it's not a pair of glasses. It's an ulta-awesome visor that scans electromagnetic spectrums creating visual input and transmitting it into his brain via his optic nerves. Duh. And it looks like a metallic banana clip (a look I often sported in my wonder woman PJ's). Great blog Mr. Black! I have no more energy to Twitter, but I like that the option is there...

Chris

LeVar Burton actually has quite the impressive resume. Family Guy, Murder She Wrote. Fucking Captain Planet?! Damn, LeVar! I actually heard LeVar Burton would be playing Michael Ian Black in Michael's bio pic. ...Actually, I just made that up. LeVar will actually be playing Michael Showalter. Freddie Prinze Jr. will play Michael Black and Ralph Macchio will be playing that other guy. David something. I'm working on the script right now but the fact that I do not know Michael Ian Black personally, nor has he had any input into this project will probably mean that this will be the most terrible bio pic ever. Especially since the opening scene is Dyan Cannon (as Michael's mother, Jill) giving birth to him in the Amazon Rainforest. Michael, does that sound about right to you?

Belgian Whore

Butterfly in the SKY,
I can go twice as HIGH!
Take a look.
It's in a book.
A Reading Rainbow!
I can go ANYWHERE!
Friends to know,
and ways to grow--
a Reading Rainbow.
I can be ANYTHING!
Take a look,
it's in a book,
a Reading Rainbow.
Reading RAINBOW!
A Reading RainBOWWWWWWWWWW!
(echos followed by trippy, techo piano).

Oh, the brainwashing of Kindergarten.
Because that's just terrifying.

Amanda

Cool. Too bad I don't use Twitter.

I follow with the first poster: me and my blog follow you. That's all that matters (to us).

Chris

Hi, Michael. It's me, Chris, again. I just wanted to say that I finally remembered who that other guy in Stella was. Haha! Stupid me! His name isn't even David. It's Damon. Damon Wayans. You know...the guy from "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka". He also played a character named "Homie Da Clown". Man, I feel a lot better now. That was really driving me crazy!

Dark Side Steve

Michael, this is a great day, and I, your Internet Guru, fully support this decision, even though LeVar is actually pretty cool and stuff.

You should note, too, that getting a comment from the real Wil Wheaton (2nd comment, made at 2:44 p.m. ET) on your blog is a major accomplishment in and of itself. Wil kind of owns blogging, no matter what the old, hard-core Wesley haters say.

Anyway, holla if you need any nefarious ideas as to how to further LeWar.

Dark Side Steve

Michael, LeVar has heard your battlecry:

http://twitter.com/levarburton/status/1235469591

He has stated that he may have to "go Kunta" on your "ass."

Camille

Another duel! This is so much more exciting than looking at my freshly painted walls and trying to decide if the color is satisfactory.
I used to take my banana clip and pull it over my eyes to look like LeVar. Times me by 30,000 and you've got a swingin' twitter site.

Levon Fan

Wil Wheaton - it's $240 worth of pudding, not $140. That's a lot more pudding.

Diazamet

Sorry, who is Michael Ian Black?

Andrew

Writer of an unfunny comedy show (Stella) or Weekly influence on my childhood? Hmm... I think I will go with LeVar.

sandykidd

Totally with LeVar. In this fight, and possibly in any other that he opts into. ;)

Gretel Shuvzwichinstov

LeVar helped me become an avid reader when I was a kid, and will continue to be for the rest of my life. MIB helped warp the minds of my children, making them forever more entertaining... This is a really tough call.

I think I'll have to side with LeVar, only because he's been in my life longer, and he's like the cool uncle who lived in a box in my living room, and told me stories... and murdered my parents.

fox

release the dick fish on leVar

Benj Edwards

LeVar Rules!

Stray Farce

GENTLEMAN!!! Isn't there enough love for everyone? Simmah down now!

Simmah!

Down!

Now!

Jaime

uh oh Mr. Black -- Geordi's given ya a run for your monies. I will say, I like Mike. Buuuuut, RR host, blind sci-fi genius, and groundbreaking TV-movie star, Levar -- He is beloved. C'mon.

Yet you have Wil Wheaton! Yet he might have Data. I love Data. Fully functioning anatomically correct android who gets it on with Tasha Yar (hot) and helps us see the good in humanity through his quest to be human (deep). See?! It's too hard! I think you underestimate how many nerd fans you have. Love you!

Suzi

Ah, so THIS is how those of debatable talent gather readership - attack a much-loved and highly-respected genuine celebrity! Seems to be working for you, Mike.

Izzardfan

Wow. Pick a fight just because of some self-esteem issues? You deserve to lose.

And I re-read Wil's ACTUAL post (not the crap by the imposter). He thanked MIB for entertainment, but didn't take sides. So I dare say, it's possible Wil is with LeVar but is too classy to voice his intentions.

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