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December 15, 2008

Woe is Yo

The Stella Winter Tour ’08 officially concluded Saturday night in Los Angeles at the beautiful Orpheum Theater. An elegant venue for blatant stupidity. Yesterday I flew home, having flown from Boston to San Francisco two days before that. After having flown all over the country the week before. Tomorrow I have to fly back across the country to Vancouver for a couple days. Then home again. As much as I love sitting in an airplane seat for hours and hours at a time, this is a bit much even for me. Worse, I now hear that the only direct flight I can have tomorrow leaves at 7:00 am, necessitating a 4:30 pick-up from my house.

Obviously there are many actors out there who would like to have my problems, but I am, frankly, exhausted. You would think traveling from show to show wouldn’t be that big a deal. After all, you’re only “working” a couple hours a day, but for some reason this last Stella tour left us all completely wiped. I like to think it’s because we were giving everything we had to the audience, but I suspect it had more to do with the fact that we’re all getting old. There was a time, and that time was not that long ago, when touring was invigorating, exciting, and very sexy. Now the sexiest part of touring involves deciding what TCBY flavor to get at the truck stop. And no, “TCBY flavor” is not a euphemism for anything.

All in all, the Stella tour was a big success. We had great crowds everywhere we went, and it was heartening to see such enthusiasm for us even though we haven’t been on the air in three years. Even better, I don’t think Showalter lost his wallet a single time during this tour, which is a career highlight for him. Another highlight was saying hi to all the fans after each show; even if we appeared tired (which we were), we definitely appreciate the support and love. At least I do. David was indifferent.

So yeah, I’m off to Canada tomorrow. It probably would have made more sense to just stay in Los Angeles these last couple days, but I wanted to see my kids. Because I’m an awesome father and because they owed me some money.


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Mark Garcia

Hey, it's me, the guy with the bitchin' denim jacket from the Boston show. You guys were amazing and the first thing I thought when I saw you three sitting there was, "They look tired." Get some rest. Do a show for comedy central.


Awww, poor tired Michael. You give and you give and what do you get in return? Lots of love and adulation. :-)

Now you have some time to rest up for Sketchfest. See you there!!


You're allowed to bitch about anything because.....whoa,you're human!
I know TCBY flavor isn't a euphemism, but is "Showalter losing his wallet" one?


It's not a euphemism? Shame. Euphemisms rock. Except when they elude you.

I have yet to find an all-encompassing euphemism with which to regale the sleepover in your previous blog.

I can tip toe round the bare bones with the best of 'em, but dang, I am totally stumped on this one. How exactly can I politely recount a dream I had a week ago, where I obliged your request to manually probe your inner sanctum and then concluded proceedings by hand, which was appreciated in a way that put Old Faithful to shame.

Oh wait, I just did!

And I'm still having nightmares about the aftermath clean up. You always cum by the bucket load in my dreams...

Wait. What? Did I really type that??!


Did Tee just mention ass play, finger banging and cumsplosions? I'm listening.


Hahahahahahahah . . . . *breath* hahahahahahaha. Oh my lord, I have to mop the floor from my busted gut. *Poof* (still got my pillow. Hey, what's that smell?)


*blushes furiously*

Note to self: go to bed *before* the cold meds take effect.

Erm, I don't know what you mean, Susanna, really I don't...

(email me for details).


Well I know I certainly appreciated that you guys hung out afterward to meet with everyone. You didn't have to do it, especially so quickly after the show ended, but you did and it makes you that much more amazing. :) Enjoy your bits of time off.

But now if you'll excuse me, the comments above make me pause for concern, and I am going to go put on a raincoat. :P


Great shows Michael. Sorry again about Friday. Love you.


Gosh, you have every reason to be exhausted and it certainly didn't show at all during the performance, you all were great! I was wiped out simply from getting to and from the show and all the laughing in between. I can only imagine what you three must have felt like with that much on the road stuff and everyone wanting their special moment with you to be some magical thing. You are so sweet and nice, I hope people are remembering that too. Go cuddle up with your wife and kids and know that you are loved by so many and that you don't owe anyone anything more than what you already give. Thanks for the laughs and all the fun.


There you are! I wouldn't just be tired if I were you, I would be downwight twabby. That's cutesy talk for "hormonal wench".

All those time changes, jet lag, strange places, same stinky friends, adrenaline rushes and crashes, naughty food, odd weirdo people (<--I know YOU can't say it but I can). Ick.

But hey, you're quiet - even if you're wide awake I say. At least with fans, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Yes, I am here to say that to all who expect Michael to bend over and greet them with a melody of farts: It aint gonna happen. Go get your fart greetings from Carrot Top. Or maybe Jim Gaffigan.

Just kidding, Gaffigans specialty is burping the alphabet. With bacon smelling burps!

Anyway, go snuggle up with your cherubs and get some sleep, Sleepyhead. Don't mind us. We'll be here. Busy converting your PG13 rated blog into a triple X one.


Thank you Michael for touring! I was so glad to FINALLY see Stella LIVE. Despite the long day I had (being a teacher) it was worth staying up late just to see you guys.


Great show Friday @ Berkeley! That crazy stalker guy sucked. I am glad he didn't stab you.

& double thanks for you guys sticking around and being all nice. you made my year!


Awww, you are an awesome father. Good on you Michael. Poor sleepy tuckered out MIB, awwwww. Make sure you make your butler give you lots of foot rubs, and your chauffeur to feed you lots of chocolate cherries. Also watch some Stella shorts to make you smile (works for me).

I can't imagine traveling across the country like that. Showalter loses his wallet a lot? That's funny. I just lost my wallet twice since Thursday. Awesome. I'd have to have a "wallet guy" just to keep track of my important stuff. You should have a "tired guy" who takes all the fatigue for you. Because you're too sparkly to be so tuckered out--and I mean that in the best possible way-- like, your soul is a Sparkle Wand. How can you be long and iridescent with streamers if you're so tired? You can't. Sleep well Mike.

Muffin MacGuffin

Saw you in Boston, you were great. I was the asshole with two other white guys in suits. Wait, the OTHER asshole with two other white guys in suits.


Hey Mr. Black! You guys were awesome in Berkeley (except for that one jerkass fan...).

Thanks for staying after to sign autographs. When I got to the table, I briefly thought about saying something 'funny and clever' to you, but then I decided that you guys probably always run into 'funny and clever' people. The best I could come up with was, "I wish I was a girl", because the chick in front of me was getting all types of attention from that bald guy that travels with you and Showalter.

Thanks again for the laughs! My buddy and I were in tears (good tears).


I'm so happy you guys toured! I had a lovely time, but was sad I didn't get to meet you because I'm allergic to standing in lines.

I hope you get some well deserved rest, and the money your kids owe you.


Thanks a lot for coming to Los Angeles, Michael. The performance you three gave us was incredible. I laughed very hard and I cried afterwards. I really needed to smile Michael and you helped make that happen. You guys made me forget how terrible it is to go through what I'm going going through right now. I can't thank you enough for it. I was scared to say anything at the autograph session. You all seemed like you wanted to go home. Your homes must be very comfortable, I'm sure. Next time, hopefully, you guys have a better trip and more sleep. Thank you so much for everything! I love you.

spencer drew bogart


saturday at the orpheum was a truly great night for me. the energy level was high and the show was very, very funny.

just like everybody else, thanks for touring and staying after to meet the geeky fans. i didn't think i would ever get the chance to see stella live, and it didn't seem likely that we (my girlfriend and i) would be able to sustain the twelve-hour drive to do so. glad we did though, because it was way more than worth it! thanks for the pictures, too... we were so excited have our photo taken with a huge/famous/tall celebrity such as yourself.

p.s. just before we left tucson for california, i decided not to bring silly portraits i drew of you guys. had i known we were going meet you after the show, i would have taken them along anyway. sorry.


Will you sign my butt?


Yes, I agree with Lisa whole heartedly, I too am glad that you did not get stabbed by that crazy guy. :D <--glad face.


You almost got shanked? Oh, someone do tell.
It was truly incredible "meeting" you Michael. You were so nice Saturday, thank you for signing my book. Now get some rest and spend time with your kids!


Thanks for coming to LA. It was a great show. have a happy holiday.


i also saw you saturday at the orpheum. beautiful theatre, and you guys were hilarious! (by the way, i'm absolutely pissed that there is no more show. me and my friend used to have 'stella parties' when the new episodes would air..) and i must tell you that, naturally, i was really nervous and even shaking a little when i got your guys' autographs (even though david was the only one that said hi to me :( ..) but then, as i was walking out of the theatre, who do i walk past? none other than 2/3 of the group Human Giant- rob huebel and paul scheer (wonder where aziz was?). i nearly peed my pants. i dont know if you got a chance to speak with them, but that was definitely the highlight of my night.

ps-those dvd's were not worth $20 , but i did buy one. because i love you boys.


Awww gatto, they _are_ good at that, aren't they? Best wishes and more smiles to you.

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