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December 18, 2008

Hey Facebook, What the Fuck?

Over the past day or so, I have received many emails from alarmed friends and colleagues alerting me to the fact that my Facebook account has been disabled by an administrator. To which I say: what the fuck?

Picture 1

How am I supposed to maintain my vast terrorist network without this social networking site?

While it’s true that I never poke, nor poke back, I think I’ve been a loyal and true Facebook friend. I always accept friendship requests, right up to the bullshit 5,000 friend limit. Facebook, is it my fault that more than 5,000 people want to feel my love? No, it is not. It is the fault of my genetically superior brain and startling good looks. If you’re going to start discriminating against gorgeous geniuses, then I don’t even know what.

How am I supposed to receive invitations to events to which I have no interest in attending? How am I supposed to keep up with what various high school students I have never met are doing? How am I supposed to install and then uninstall various applications because they are annoying? Facebook, don’t you realize that these activities take up most of my waking hours?

I feel like I did that time in North Carolina when I got thrown out of the frat party for “acting weird.” Yes, I was acting weird but that was only to mask my own insecurities. It probably didn’t help that I was the only thirty seven year old man there, but regardless, Facebook are you punishing me for my insecurities? If so, you need to take a good, long look in the mirror because I suspect you are getting pretty insecure yourself. After all, my valuation hasn’t tumbled 75% in recent months.

Neither of us generate as much advertising revenue as we would like, but that’s not my fault. I didn’t create your shitty business model. All I did was write a scathing article about it in the Wall Street Journal, which I then reprinted and left under people’s windshields at the mall. Don’t kill the messenger, Facebook!

So now I have to contact you. Which I am confident is going to be neither easy nor pleasant. Contacting an internet company is only slightly easier than contacting an alien civilization. But I am going to try, Facebook, because I don’t want it to end like this for us. We’ve been through so much together. Like the time I played that game of Scramble. Or the time you tagged that photo of me. We can get through this. And we will. But until we do, go fuck yourself, you fucking worthless piece of shit.


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Mark D.

“The Dark Side of Facebook AKA "Disgracebook," or “Facebooks Complete Lack of Customer Service”

If anyone thinks Facebook is “listening” to its members they simply DO NOT know what they are talking about! Facebook ruthlessly, relentlessly, and remorselessly walks all over its members with hob nailed boot polices of culling members from membership for unspecified unknown reasons and then accuses the permanently disabled members as “possibly” being guilty of spamming or “possibly” being guilty of harassing other members because of asking to many members to be friends at an unspecified rate. Facebook goes on to permanently disable accounts that have to many friends, belongs to many groups, pokes to many unknown times, sends to many email messages and on and on and on. Mark Zuckerber says that Facebook members seem to take a “personal ownership” of their Facebook accounts. Well golly gee Mark, Facebook is a SOCIAL internet program that people join to meet and make new friends. Making new friends, at least to me, is personal and publishing real photographs and genuine personal information on Facebook seems personal to me. Maybe you should say in your rules and regulations that we want members to be real and genuine but do not join Facebook for personal reasons and do not expect to be treated in a true genuine caring manner because Facebook does not care in the least about what you think or how you feel. When Facebook says you are guilty of breaking polices you will be treated with complete lack of respect in a impersonal sterile manner and banned from Facbook without recourse.

The unaired dark side of Facebook, or should I call it "Disgracebook" because of the extremely poor disgraceful way Facebook treats its members. The reason I say the unaired dark side of Facebook is I have yet to see anything announced on the prime time major news outlets about the disgraceful practices Facebook uses on its members. The Internet is bursting at its seems with unhappy disabled Facebook members who have posted thousands of complaints everywhere it is possible to post complaints about Facebooks complete lack of customer service and mean spirited disregard for concerns, questions and feedback from members and former members.

On Mark Zuckerber's, the founder of Facebook, Facebook Fan Page Mark states "I'm trying to make the world a more open place by helping people connect and share." I am glad Mark says he is "trying etc." because, in my opinion, he certainly has NOT accomplished his mission. Facebook is one of the most closed undemocratic uncaring unsocial business operations since the formation of the Gestapo. Facebook operates carte blanche without regard of a due process of rights for members Facebook deems unworthy to be members of its social network service and therefore, disables their account. Facebook justifies its policy and actions under the euphemism of “protecting members” from “repeated actions that could be construed as spam,” and from anything Facebook makes up as a threat to its security. Facebook is an omnipotent uncaring broadly defined automated bureaucratic security service mechanism with unpublished specific rules that are violated without knowing it. If this is not Gestapo like policy, I guess I do not know what it is because it certainly is un-American to say the least!

Furthermore, in my opinion Facebook is not a social network service. When joining Facebook you are, in reality, joining a money making “computer program” complete with automated responders but is set up to look like a social network service operated by real people. Is it any wonder Facebook members are treated with total disregard for being feeling thinking real people? I have yet to know of a computer program that is able to feel and or to reason. When someone calls Facebook you are treated rudely and crassly informed to use their computerized automated services which do not reply when used or quickly transferred to an automated answering service to which there is no reply.

I strongly urge anyone interested to please research what I am informing you of because I assure you the situation I have explained is the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. Until the media and or business community and elected officials takes notice of and makes public “Disgracebooks” inhuman treatment of people Mark Zuckerberg and his staff and money making computer program will continue to fill up trenches behind Disgracebooks California headquarters with unworthy disabled members.

One final comment. If Disgracebook is treating its foreign members as poorly as it treats its domestic members Disgracebook is not only giving itself a black eye it is giving the United States of America a black eye. Is there anyone out there who cares enough to tell the world about Facebooks dark side and will hopefully help Facebook to become a user friendly Internet social service it claims to be?

James williams

Hi Michael

well u said what the fuck ..
what should i say

i am facing the same fucking problem

i dont know what the hell is the fuckin solution

i just tried to enter and i found that my account has been disabled !!!!!!!

what the hell is that

and believe me i didnt break any rules .. i didnt do anything wrong !!


Hello fellow honorable former Facebook members who have been unjustly disabled from Facebook because of Facebooks insensitive, uncaring, completely ambiguous nonspecific rules, regulations, limits, priorities and exceeding an unknown prohibited rate of making new friends policy as well as their practically nonexistent inaccurate extremely poor customer service!

Fellow justifiably angry former Facebook members will you please email your complaints regarding "DISGRAGEBOOK" to the Better Business Bureau of California by cutting and pasting WWW.BBB.ORG into your web browser and follow the simple instruction to access the California BBB complaint site. To access the correct California complaint site you need to have Facebooks zip code which is 94301. Once you are into the complaint form you need to have Facebooks corporate address, phone and fax number which is: Facebook, Inc., 156 University Avenue, Palo Alto, CA 94301, phone number, 650-543-4800 or 650-853-1300, and fax number, 650-543-4801

Once you have filed your electronic complaint with the California BBB please fax your complaint to Facebook at their fax number, 650-543-4801. After faxing your complaint to Facebook please call Facebook 650-543-4800 &/or 650-853-1300 and leave a verbal complaint on their answering service. Now, upon completion of this, please snail mail your complaint to, Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook, inc., 156 University Avenue, Palo Alto, CA 94301. Upon completion of this, please snail mail your complaint to, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, State Capital Building, Sacramento, CA 95814

Dear friends, please ask all those you know who have been unjustly disabled from Facebook to send their complaints to the aforementioned in the proceeding paragraph. We need to get organized and inform the world that Facebook is not a cute little billion dollar social network it portrays itself to be to the public and to those who are silly enough to advertise on this wretched social network now rechristened "DISGRACEBOOK."

Thank you in advance for your participation in getting your complaints to those who will eventually correct "DISGRACEBOOK'S" insensitive inhumane non-benevolent disgraceful business practices.

farhana Huda

Hi, I can't see my friend list and I can't write in the wall on my face book account. I want to know what is the problem ? Can u fix this problem ?


Geeze mate get over it. You should be more than happy that Facebook deactivated you. Facebook sucks balls.


It doesn't seem to bother anyone that Michael Ian Black has a "vast terrorist network." Oh the things we can get away with when famous.

m a gaffar ali khan


I am M A Gaffar Ali Khan the sculptor of Bangladesh . I have discovered Herbal Medicine of HIV virus without any side effect and can cure successfully AIDS patient. You and your worldwide organization helping the poor and seek peoples UNICEF and others are doing many things against the protection of HIV/AIDS(cheating the work of HIV/AIDS ) . I have really discovered it and want to save and help the people from curse. I am not explaining you any false story. I am expecting from you a positive answer and help. If you want that I have to work with your organizations, I will except. I want to spared it from my own country.
If you response me please.

You mast welcomed to my own country Bangladesh .Your organizations send me HIV/AIDS p+ patient Governmental health organizations tested & proved will be without any side effect and can cure successfully AIDS patient.No rules, terms and conditions . help me and save the world people from curse.

I am sending cc to other sides of your organization.

Yours sincerely

M A Gaffar Ali Khan
A-155, Housing Estate, Kushtia-7000, Bangladesh .
Ph: +8807162252, Mob: +8801715856561.


They have an attitude problem, the internet Nazis


I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's been attacked by the Facebook Death Panel. They've disabled my profile for no reason, and never responded to the very email address that they provide if you believe they are mistaken. After 10 days, I signed up for a new account, and they immediately disabled that one too. Fuck you, facebook. Just... fuck you.

Here's my blog complaining about it:

Here's my page that they disabled:

I'm now making "Free Mikal G" t-shirts to give out at my shows. It will contain the facebook email address with instructions to email them and tell them to free my page.

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