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November 04, 2008

I Voted for McCain

Something unexpected happened today when I went into the voting booth. After spending the better part of a year writing about my support for Obama, contributing money to his campaign, and telling every pollster who asked that I was voting for Obama, when I found myself in the privacy of the voting booth today, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the lever for him. It was like an invisible force guided my hand from my intended selection - the charismatic young Illinois Democrat - to my unintended choice - the cantankerous old bastard from Arizona. I don't know how it happened. One minute I was part of a youth revolution, the next minute I was on the phone celebrating with my tax attorney.

I voted for McCain.

How did this happen? Maybe it's true what the pundits have been saying for months. Maybe there are certain white people who, when confronted with the choice of actually voting for a black man, will be unable to do so. How was I supposed to know that I was one of those people?

None of the warning signs were there. Throughout the entire campaign, not once did I find myself referring to Barack Obama as either a Muslim or a socialist. I almost never accused him of being a terrorist. And I never talked about his race at all. Admittedly I did once privately comment that he seemed like a really good basketball player, but I immediately felt horrible about it.

Yes, it's true that in my act I always called Obama "the black guy," but that was for comedy purposes. It was meant to be a hip way of saying "I'm down," but now I think my sub-conscious was telling me a different story - a story I simply didn't want to hear. Because it was a story written in ebonics.

If only I had known what a racist I was when this campaign started, I could have saved myself a lot of embarrassment. Maybe I should have known. After all, of all the places in the world to raise my family, where did I choose? Connecticut. And what did I name my son? David Duke. I just thought those two names sounded good together, dismissing the fact that a prominent white supremacist also had that name as coincidence. Yes, we bought my daughter dolls of different races, but I found myself encouraging her to make her black doll "the maid." I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I wonder whether even something as innocent as that indicates some kind of latent racism? Maybe.

My whole life I've always prided myself on being an open-minded liberal kind of guy. For example, when I was a kid watching "Diff'rent Strokes," I was never one of those people who thought Willis was trouble, even after it turned out years later that he was trouble! And when crack was big in the 80's, I used to say "It's a tragedy for everybody." And when Oprah picked Toni Morrison's "Beloved," for her book club, I bought it (didn't read it, but bought it). So believe me when I say that my actions today are just as shocking to me as they probably are to you.

As I write this, I do not yet know who the won the presidency. Both of the candidates are good men. Honest men. Men of integrity and character. One of those men has a clear vision for how to take this country in a new direction, to restore our image in the world, to end the war in Iraq and put our economy back on solid footing. One of these men has inspired millions of new voters to participate in politics for the first time, and to believe that America can once again be a better nation, a nation of hope instead of fear.  But fuck it - I voted for the white guy.

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Bailey

That a boy. Racists for the win! First?

Satur9

You're so horrible. I love it.

Yay, America!

Satur9

I almost forgot: White power, yay!!!

Tee

Ah, satire, how I love thee...

Reen loves Barack in *that*  kind of way

Oh you are funky alright! Aw we all know you voted for Barack. I've been hoping to meet someone who wasn't afraid to display their Reverse Bradley Effect hang-ups and here the fuck you are!

This was funny, Michael. Thank you for the giggles.

some person

Way to go, maverick.

Amber

Who cares if he's black? All that really matters is that he's not a Jew.

Jordan

I always knew you were a maverick!
White power, YAYYYYY!

Jaime

>>Because it was a story written in ebonics

That was some downright funny misdirection you.

I tried to be off-color here, but I'm so colorblind I couldn't. Holler. Barack the vote!!

Jaime

Seriously though, this is what my Dad did. Damn it. Stupid red Texas.

Barack the vote!!

Jo

Haha, I got my father to vote McCain.
Then, during school, I was converted to the Obama side by my English teacher. Too late, oh well. Jersey was going for Obama anyway?

Nickel Jean

Barack took Connecticut anyway, with or without the Black vote. (Hee, hee, I'm so clever!)

Satur9

Looks like it's a bad day to be a racist!

cat

Obama is now president!!!

Jaime

YAAAYYY!!! I will choke no one with braids of flowers today. Yahoo!

Amber

WE WON!!

Cooper

Consider it Baracked, Jaime!
WOOOO!!!!!

Susanna

Yes, we can? ---> Yes, we DID!

Brendan

Meeh...I can usually tell when you're being serious....but this time you got me. I think you're joking, right? Obviously that stuff about the black doll being the maid is a joke. Whateverer.

Camille

Well, I demand a recount! I know I wasn't the only one to vote for Nader!

Um,yeah...kidding.

Holly

Oh Michael! That is so funny. What a shock to see those words on your blog. Did it hurt to even type those words?

Felicia

My Republican, Fairfield County, CT town went for Obama. But they still love 'em some Chris Shays, too bad, so sad.

Whoo to the Hoo

Felicia

ps--my neighbor and I drank 3 bottles of champagne last night, so I think I might vomit

Reen

Pinch me. I believe we are finally on the road to Shambala, friend.

(((HUGS)))

Charlotte

I'm writing on behalf of all Michael Ian Black fans in Alabama! The 3 of us voted for Obama and cried that the efforts here in Montgomery, Alabama were not forgotten....well, technically Alabama stayed Red...but you get the idea.

New Bumper Stickers..."DOOOONNNTTT BLLLAAAAMEEEE MEEEEEE!!! I VOTED FOR JOHNNNN McCAAAAAAIIIIINNN!"

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