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October 02, 2008

Some New Joke American Indian Names

I’ve noticed that whenever people want to make funny American Indian names they tend to just put together an active verb with a noun taken from nature: “Sleeps with Rabbit,” for example. Or “Walks In Cow Shit.” Things like that. Well frankly, I feel like that formula is demeaning and totally played out. Therefore I believe it’s time to give serious consideration to creating a new paradigm for funny Native American names.

The obvious way to go would be to use casino gaming as a foundation. “Chief Many Slots,” comes to mind,  but this seems too easy and, frankly, cheap.  Instead, I propose taking a more subtle approach. Here’s an example: “Bill Richards.” Admittedly, on its surface Bill Richards doesn’t seem like a particularly funny name. After all, there are probably millions of Bill Richards out there, some of them probably of Native American descent. But when you add the visual component of a pair of over-sized moccasins and (here’s where it gets really funny) a headdress made out of rubber chickens, I think you begin to see the comedic possibilities.

Another example: Susan Worth. Not funny? Now picture Susan wearing a papoose. Inside the papoose? A DODO BIRD!!!

Try this one on for size: a young Native American prince. His name? Robert O’Malley. ‘Nuff said.

Or what about a family of Native Americans named the Redwings? What’s hilarious about this is that there’s also a hockey team called the Red Wings! Now picture that American Indian family all ice skating. The joke obviously being that there’s no tradition of ice skating in Native American culture. Good stuff.

I could go on and on, but the point of this blog wasn’t to list ALL of the funny new Native American names I could think of, merely to point the way so that you, my readers, American Indian and not, can think of some of your own. I can do it – canoe? Get it? Canoe, can you?

You’re welcome.

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Frank

'Clark Bar'
'Native American Jesus'
'Touched By Angel'

Frank

(I'm sorry, in keeping with the 'new way', 'Touched B. Angel.')

Walks With Tail Between Legs

I think you might be a little bit racist.

Beenhavingsomethoughts

This seems kind of like an off-hand post, not as in-depth as others, but for some reason i find it really funny. I don't quite follow the framework however, and do not know how to come up with my own. Is it just prop comedy? Are you getting into Carrot Top humour? If so: hilarious.

charley

John Rogers
Claire Higgins

I'm pretty good at this.

Reen

YOU are TOO CUTE for words. A fun word- game blog!

A splendid diversion for us bored "strapped to a computer" and/or "living a lame life" individuals. Fantastic!

Great comments so far. I'll be on this later too. (Hope we're graded on the curve).

defie

-Bill O'Reilly
-Steven Seagal

Susanna

Did you come up with this blog after smoking a peace pipe?

Reen

This is harder than I thought.

I just want to start every name with with "Chief".

"Chief this and that", or "Chief that in the that".

Hmph.

Jaime

Hmmmm.

Jean Luc T. Picard <-- look! Teepee is in the name (TeePee[card]). That's a Native Amercan tie, right? Plus, envision said Native American standing around their kitchen drinking International Coffee and fighting Borg.

As a nerd, I find that hilarious.

Jaime

For clarity, alternative spelling:

Jean-Luc Teepeecard :)

Jaime

Also, Mahatsquaw Ghandi.

Hot skinny tan bald chik in a diaper with turquoise necklaces and a peace pipe. Get it? Ghandi, pacifist, peace, eh eh eh. I don't think I'm being abstract enough.

Bob Kinoodle --> Groucho mustache and a mohawk made of macaroni.

Reptar

Jaime obviously has this "on lock", as the kids say.

Personally, I'd much rather hang out with a guy named Sven, whether or not he's of Native-American descent or not. Why, you ask? Because every time he called to say "yah I'm on my way ovah", I could respond: "Sven you get here, park on the street because the wife has to leave in about an hour to go to some dinner with her girlfriends. And by girlfriends, I just mean friends that are girls. She is not a lesbian. Well, obviously, she's having sex with me. So I guess I should clarify that she is not bisexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that, being bisexual. I don't mean to imply that. I'm just clarifying that we are in a normal, responsible, heterosexual relationship, and she's just seeing friends. At Casler's. Yeah, that little All-American cuisine place just down the road. Honestly, she could walk. I don't know why she even bothers to drive, it's literally less than a block away, and there's a perfectly good sidewalk that goes directly from our driveway to the parking lot. Maybe she's just a lazy whore. I don't know. See you Sven I see you!"

Nickel Jean

The popup is gone! Hooray!

How about Sanjay Smith? It's a perfect combination of Indian and American names.

Stacey E

How come "Lazy Whore" wasn't one of the choices?

blurm

Assman Smothers

Chief Reen Is A Dork

"Chief Butter In The Pants". "Chief Rides The Bus Free".

Shit.

I canNOT play this game. The idea is to come up with new and exciting names, like you did. Like these guys did. I'm stuck on the fact that every American Indian joke I have ever heard (thanks to my big fat dumb older brother) starts with the word: "Chief".

Randy? I hope you're happy, "Chief Pain In My Ass".

Youngsongchoi

Jamey,you so kookie. You make my brain feel mushy like Chop Suey and my man tool as limp as wet Ramen Noodle.

Bailey

How about Ganesh Moorthy? It's really fun to say and it's a real person's name who is an Indian from India but he's living in the U.S. So tricky it hurts.

Wexel

Suzanne Shultz.

Cooper

Ron Goldberg.

Dan

Mike Jones.

Jaime

Tom O. Hock

(ooooh, that's just bad:)

Dan

oooo Jaime's good. Real good.

Dan

Cher O. Key

Dakota Sue (Sioux if it’s a male)

Neve: A ho

Mo Hawk

Family with the name of Blackhawks. Black Hawks are also a hockey team and they have Indians on their jerseys!

Andy Wiberg

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