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October 18, 2008

Hey Persians, Nice Job!

Last night my wife and I went to a Persian restaurant, my first time eating the food of those happy people, whose president would wipe Israel off the map. All I have to say is: nice job! The place is called Lala Rokh, which (to my disappointment) does not have anything to do with karaoke, but instead is apparently a term of affection meaning "tulip cheeks." (A side note: I sometimes get tulip cheeks when I sit on the toilet too long.)

Picture 2
                                           (Persians)

If you're wondering whether mashed-up olives and garlic taste good with pomegranate seeds, I have the answer: no. But that was the only thing we had that was not flat-out terrific. We had mokhalafat sampler, which is the Persian equivalent
of the appetizer plate you get at TGIF where they give you potato skins, wings, and jalapeno poppers. In this case, it was the aforementioned olive paste, some kind of cold spinach thing with white shit on it, and a delicious onion and eggplant dish that was so good it gave me a little bit of a boner.

In addition to the mokhalafat, they give us a basket of tasty bread and a small bowl of garlicky hummus. Boy, do I like hummus, especially the garlikcy kind. Does it give me bad breath? Yes. But does it make my breath any worse than it was before? No. As far as my breath goes, it was a wash.

We shared asl (entrees): The first was a duck stew with more pomegranate seeds. For some reason, pomegranate and duck is perfectly paired. It was sweet and kind of velvety. So velvety in fact that in addition to being delicious, it was also a fine balm for my shingles. Then we shared a lamb shank with potatoes, okra, chick peas, and green beans. Not as good as the duck, but also yummy.

The worst part of our meal was the couple behind us. They were obviously on a date, possibly Harvard students, who were trying to woo each other by force of their massive intellects. The guy was the worst, responding to everything she said in a very loud, affected voice by saying, "That's so fascinating!" Then he told a long story about being in Egypt and meeting "the bedouin," who invited him for coffee, where they conversed in English and "some Arabic." The content of the conversation wasn't offensive, exactly, but the eagerness each had to display how fascinating they were was horrible. I felt like I was being molested by his enormous brain. My wife wanted to tell them to "go fuck already," but she wisely restrained herself.

If you can stomach the mighty intellects that may envelop you in their gravity, I suggest Lala Rokh for a fine meal of unpronounceable food.

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Satur9

Sounds great - I'll have to check it out next time I'm in Boston!

Bella

Mmmmm... I've eaten there and it is fantastic! Fortunately for me I was with a group of about 12 highly intoxicated chatty people, so the eager beaver first-time daters were drowned out.

BUT, I was having Thai one night and sat beside a similar first-time dating couple except they were both born again Christians and trying to loudly outdo one another with their stories of devotedness. It was both horrifying and hilarious.

Nick

I have a friend who is a Persian Jew. He is also a bit of a masochist.

Dennis

Authentic Persian Cuisine sounds delicious. I usually stick to the specialties of the city- when in Boston go with Boston Market- but I think I'll have to give LaLa Rokh a try next time. Tie that in with a walking tour of locations seen in National Treasure 2, and I think I've got a memorable weekend. Thanks Michael

Zane

There is nothing more romantic for an old married couple than shared eavesdropping and the subsequent disdain for those seated near them. Coupled with garlic breath and skin ailments, it sounds like it was a particularly hot, sexy night. So what books did you each read before turning in?

Jaime

In Texas, about as exotic as we get is Chinese. Anything else gets a flaming cross and a pipe bomb. Still, sounds good.

When you were sitting there, did you walk over and get the bedouin so he could say:

"I heard what you were saying! You know nothing of my work! The whole fallacy of our coffee-drinking is wrong. How you got to convince any girl to go on a date with you is totally amazing!"

That would have been awesome.

Camille

ooh,I hope that rich,interesting food combination didn't give you a roaring case of dropsy tulip cheeks. Enjoy the kidless weekend! Those are nice every once in a while.

Bailey

My friend and I were visiting my cousin's and we went there. Sadly, my friend didn't enjoy the experience so much because she doesn't like trying new things. She did try the duck stew and said it tasted delicious, although this was after she spit it out into a napkin because she didn't like the texture...

Susanna

I'm sorry, Michael, but all of that food you mentioned made me throw up in my mouth a little. I guess I can never go to Persia now (although the likelihood was pretty slim to begin with).

I can't wait to hear how the rest of the weekend goes. Perhaps a side trip to Salem, Mass?

Tee

The toilet tulip cheeks and food related boner made my day.

Felicia

I'm not sure how anything with pomegranate can be "velvety", what with all those annoying seeds.

Zane

Didja make it out to Singing Beach in Manchester-by-the-Sea? Or the Cheers Bar? Antiquing?
And what happened to Renee on here? Did you two have a spat?

Mark Garcia

Hey Michael, if you're still in Boston, let's go out for a coffee and a donut. Perhaps two.

Gaby

I live around there, I'll check it out.

Camille

Renee has been pretty busy with real life stuff.
Also, I think I may have seen her marching in our parade passing out Obama stickers. She's blazin' the campaign trail!

Christina

Lala Rokh is sooooo good. Awesome choice. It's also always fun to go to the Persian market in Watertown called "Super Heroes". With a name like that, how can you go wrong?

Leonardo

Great, more talk about food. Is this all you do? Eat? Nigger.

Daniel Dickey

A Letter To Michael Ian Black.
August 30, 2008
As of recent I had my braind inflitrated by a quick witted wordsmith, that goes by the name Michael Ian Black. To those of you who have not read his recently published book “My Custum Van and 50 Other Mind Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face” you should. It is packed with with non stop comedic punches, that will punch you…in the face. I have been a fan of his since Stella, and think his delevery on a line in Wet Hot American Summer, is BY FAR the funniest line I have EVER heard in any movie, IN MY LIFE. So it’s no doubt after reading his book I wanted to do what most fans would do, stalk him. BUT since I’ve been so busy with moving to New York I decided to write him a letter instead. Here it is…

What should I title this to get you to read it?

Body:

Hello Michael,

or should I say Kevin (If that is your real name)?

I wanted to start this letter/heterosexual love note off by inviting you to my birthday bash. It’s going to be AWESOME. I wanted something better than the normal blah blah themed partied, so I went with a Slave theme. Not sex slaves…real black slaves, genius I know. I convinced Morgan Freeman and Jamie Foxx to dress up like slaves…which was actually quite easy, they just took off their jewelry. Was the a little wrong to say? Yes. Was it funny? Only God can answer that. But enough about you and back to me.

I am a film maker/”suspected” serial killer and am in the process of making a documentary about the funniest people in the world. As you probably guessed most, and when I say most I mean all, of the funniest people in the world have not responded (Some have filed restraining orders)…so it leaves me with you.

Questions you might have…Being that I am a “suspected” serial killer, couldn’t this all be one of my ploys to kill you? Maybe. When I say “Documentary” does that also mean unpaid soft core porn? Probably.

Triple j/k. Double lol. In all serious you are on of my favorite comedians/humans and I have been a fan of yours (stalking you) for at least 3 or 4 weeks. I would love the opportunity to interview you or film you in your sleep.

And just so you know I too am “in the business” here’s a picture of me on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean…


(Picture)

I'm one crazy Pirate.

Daniel Dickey
www.DanielDickey.com

I'm Still Waiting For A Reply

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Jenny

Oohh, Persian sounds fun. Persian can't be all that bad. Freddie Mercury was Persian. Perhaps the great Persian that ever lived. Glad you had fun.

Persian.

Jenny

*greatest too.

been there

I've actually been to Lala Rokh and it is quite good, but it is more what I would call Persian fusion if there is such a thing. As an Iranian the gold standard for Persian cuisine is Kasra in Houston, TX. It will knock your socks off. Furthermore, there is a daily contingency of Iranians who eat there so you know its good and authentic. At Kasra you should try the Chicken Barg with Rice and red currents, ghormeh sabzi, kashke bademjoon (eggplant with white stuff on top) and the best dish being ghemeh (tomato sauce, potatoes, yellow split peas) If you are ever in Houston you can be my guest. email me.

Jaime

Well well well. I take my anti-Texan statements back. Thanks been there! Maybe I'll go so I can also been there.

me again

What? Renee got a real life? How dare her! And Michael goes to restaurants? I've really gotta try some of these things.

gwen

very well

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