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September 01, 2008

Baby Bristol

The word “Bristol” seems to be popping up a lot on my blogs. First, I mentioned visiting Bristol, CT, then made a joke about the “Bristol music scene,” and just today we learn that Bristol Palin, seventeen year old daughter of GOP VP 2B Sarah Palin, is preggers and will “keep the baby and marry ‘the (as of yet unnamed) young man.’”

Apparently John McCain knew before making the announcement that the young lady was expecting, and rightfully decided that “in no way did [her daughter’s pregnancy] disqualify [Palin] from being vice president.” Good on ya’, John. A pregnant daughter should not disqualify her from serving, but it does raise the familiar questions around abstinence-only education, which Palin supports. If Palin can’t even get her own daughter to keep her treasure box under lock and key, how can she expect less enthusiastically Christian parents to prevent their own kids from getting some booty?

Answer: she can’t.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned since, say, the dawn of time, is that people are going to have sex, especially teenagers. Why? Because teenagers are the sexiest humans of all. Even kids who take abstinence pledges end up breaking them 80% of the time. Why? If you don’t know the answer to that question, then you were never a teenager.

What’s also troubling about this story is that now a seventeen year old girl is going to become a political football. What should be a private family decision is about to erupt into a national debate unheard since the days of Jamie Lynn Spears ten months ago. And so, of course, Bristol is going to do “the right thing,” keep the baby, and marry the guy. But how much of that is her decision, and how much the Republican party’s?

And what about the guy? This poor schmuck is about to have his entire life turned upside down because of his assault gun wielding future mother-in-law. I do not envy him.

Why are they making this announcement now? According to The Independent:

…to rebut what one aide called "mud-slinging and lies" circulating on liberal blog sites.

According to these rumors, Sarah Palin had faked a pregnancy and pretended to have given birth in May to her fifth child, a son named Trig who has Down syndrome. The rumor was that Trig was actually Bristol Palin's child and that Sarah Palin was the grandmother.

So they’re using Bristol’s actual pregnancy to discredit her rumored pregnancy. Hilarious? Yeah, hilarious.

(And of course a day when a major hurricane is about to hit New Orleans is a pretty good day to bury a story about your evangelical Christian running mate's pregnant teenage daughter.)

Net result of all this? I want to visit Alaska.


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Some guy in my dorm was from Bristol, Tennessee. He was (and is) a very fun guy. I hope to visit one day.


All teenage pregnancies should result in ice fishing.


She named her daughter Bristol?


I believe the lucky groom-to-be is "Levi".

I hate politics.


These choices (Palin/McCain) scare me. McCain, he's alright. But this lady freaks me the hell out. It's like the Spears family might be in charge of the country. Please America, don't fail me now. Scared.

I remember in 04 how convinced I was, after everything had gone so wrong in his first term, that the current prez would finally be out and we could get back on track (you know, since we didn't really vote for him in the first place, but whatever, I see the flies on that horse, so I'll leave it alone). But then he was re-elected, and I felt like the world had gone mad. Seriously. My faith in America took a hit. Now, I'm not trying to smack the bees nest here, and everyone's entitled to their opinion and blah blah blah, so if people like Bush, whatever. But never in my life had I felt so sure that me and America were on the same page only to be mooned a big white shiny one by America.

Now, I finally feel like maybe me and America are sympatico again. Maybe we can make up and make out, but I'm still scared of seeing that big sideways smile. As a Mom, thinking about those kids, who have already got 100 strikes against them, now adding publicity and political contrversy to the equation, trying to make it work and be a family, it just makes me sad. It's so hard to see what was right about this choice when so much was wrong. Young inexperienced gun-toting Lynne Spears oxymoron VP/future prez. woo hoo.


I named my toilet brush Bristol. Huh.


This is a plus. As Mark Steyn points out in his recent best seller, America Alone, if our western civilization is demographically to survive in the increasingly “hostile to the west” islamic world — and not end up like the sinking European populations — these are the precise people (the Bristol Palins’) we should thank for increasing their progeny.


By the way, passed the President of the United States on the highway today. Not kidding. Highway shut down, big huge procession of cops, and a black limosine with little flags on it heading southbound to San Antone to say hi to the New Orleanian evacuees. Weird.

Daniel Dickey

Maybe they could turn this into a reality show? It could air right after Disney's newest show...America's Coolest Midget.

Forever Yours,



Jaime,that happened to me a while back,except the procession actually drove down the street we live off of! One of those "dayum...wish I had my camera" moments. Whether or not you like the guy, it's still cool to see the pomp and circumstance driving by one's own hood. Unless you live in D.C.,then it's no big whoop.


"America Alone" is just "Mein Kampf" americanized.


"And ye shall know them by their hair..."

Hypocrites, that is. (And unless you've seen the "700 Club" you may not know what I mean...)

All the finger pointing at the Dems for their "inexperienced" candidate, only to choose a GOP VP that is far more so. Sugar coating the teen pregnancy epidemic with the pollyanna suggestion of abstinence only (as opposed to education and prevention) only to have said VP candidate saddled with a child with child.

One plate of crow, coming up.

Lennon had two words for this: instant karma.

I get so riled up, I can't even...but at the same time, this is worth getting involved over.

Yesterday I spent an evening with a huge group of musicians. Later, around a bonfire and a joint (j/k..?), we discussed politics, and current events. And even though that's a no-no with most people (too controversial!) we handle it well and with lots of laughter. Of course there wasn't a McCain supporter amongst the bunch, so maybe that had a lot to do with it. The point being: even politics can be interesting, folks. VERY interesting. This is our country here...how can you not be even just a little curious about the dudes who run it or want to, and why? Trust me, once you start digging around, you'll find it juicier than your favorite soap, more intriguing than your favorite drama, and more unbelievable than your favorite "stupid criminal" show.

Michael - thank you for using your podium so well. My mind thanks you. My heart thanks you. Even my clitoris is in there somewhere (hiding of course) but thanking you, all the same.


Hey, a little birdie told me you are on Chelsea tonight!



Michael, your readers suck when they try to be serious.


Or funny.


Camille - wow, right off your street?! That's a pretty important street you live on lady. Well, you're right, it IS cool. With all the flashing lights and wall of shiny cars, it was like watching a fireworks display on wheels. Yeah, crazy world be damned, he is still the President, and that was still pretty neat, ha ha.

dzon: ppthhhhhhh ;p


This pregnancy is fantastic news for the Democrats...and for anyone who thought Bristol's vagina was off-limits.


Bristol's pregnancy is not great news for Democrats ... it's just more proof that abstinence-only sex "ed" doesn't work. What Bristol does can't give her mother any more or less applicable political experience. You'll remember, too, that Obama himself called out to the media to leave the families and children out of the race. I hope most of us Democrats agree with him. I think we also hope Bristol names her child Manatee. Or Coffee Mug, if it's a boy.


"Because teenagers are the sexiest humans of all"


Great post and exactly how I feel. If Palin wishes to continue her public office career, she needs to get the next daughter in line a 3 lock box to keep from this happening again.

The hypocrisy of the abstinence-only movement must be scrambling to come up with a different sales pitch.

John Kerry

Don't blame me.


I'm really enjoying the Palin-themed blog posts. Please keep it going!!!



Haha "John Kerry" and Phil!

So enjoying your blog Michael. And yes, despite "dzon" there, even the comments and links.


Mikey, I'll always read and enjoy your stuff. But I just dont like mixing politics with humor. It sounds preachy. Even when I agree with the politics. I like hearing about unicorns and day-glo yellow dicks. can we maybe hear about john mccain's day-glo yellow dick? or changing the democratic mascot to a unicorn? This would be the perfect blend. But i'll always enjoy your humor no matter what. BFF!

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