Yay! We did it! We did it together!

I can't thank all of you enough. In less than three days, you donated over seven hundred dollars so an  Alabama kindergarten teacher can have some much-needed school supplies. This is great on so many levels. First of all, you did a good thing. We Jews call that a mitzvah, and it's the easiest way to buy your way into heaven. So you're all going to heaven. Which is great. Because in heaven, they always have watermelon Jolly Ranchers.

Second, I am told that there are going to be personal notes of thanks from the kids, which should be cute. And if there's one thing I like more than unicorns, it's cute cards from kids. (And, obviously, butt sex.)

Third, this gives me one more reason to feel like my fans are morally superior to Tucker Max's fans.

And most importantly, I'm especially grateful because the fact that you guys donated so much means that I don't have to go out of pocket to make up for what you cheap bastards were unwilling to give. I don't know if you have any idea what Vh1 is paying these days, but trust me when I say, I'm buying my Cristal on sale.

Thanks again, you guys. In addition to being the sexiest blog readers on the web, you're also the most generous, and I know that there is a classroom filled with kids in Alabama that agrees. (I don't mean to say that they agree with me about the part where I said that you're the sexiest blog readers on the web because that would be creepy.)

This is a message I just got from Caramel Delite (AKA Nikita):

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT. I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A WELL ORGANIZED YEAR THANKS TO YOU AND ALL WHO DONATED. TELL EVERYONE ELSE THANK YOU AS WELL. EVERYONES OFFICIAL THANK YOUs FROM ME AND MY STUDENTS WILL BE COMING SOON, ONCE THEY RECEIVE THE FINAL DONOR CHECK AND WE GET THE ORGANIZER. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH.
GOD BLESS AND I WISH YOU MUCH CONTINUED SUCCESS WITH YOUR CAREER. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

SINCERELY,
NIKITA

Comments

[Camille]

Yes,cool sheets. They look like kid sheets. Much cooler than when I was a kid and had to settle for Holly Hobby or Peanuts.

[Roxy]

What a dick.

[Nick]

Gay.

[Matt]

Tucker is getting annihilated at Gawker. How marvelous.

[sarah]

im assuming that you're not blogging because you're busy writing another sketch with show? we need details!!!

[Dreder]

He's not blogging because he's having a little lie down.

[robin]

yippee for the kids!! good job, MIB! the bravest man i know, for mentioning 'butt sex' in the same sentence as 'children'. oy gevalt. do you think you still get your mitzvah?

[Sean]

I dunno about morally superior...I always thought Tucker's, "Tanked for the Troops" charity was an excellent idea.

[Nickie]

Hope you've been having a great week. We miss you and your wittiness, Michael.

[Severed]

I've come to the conclusion that since Michael hasn't updated his blog in about a week. He's dead. No doubt about it.

[Camille]

http://www.someecards.com/upload/birthday_n/wishing_you_a_happy_early_birthday.html

[Felicia]

I went to the link but it won't let me donate because they reached their goal. What kind of freakish world do we live in where you can't give MORE money?! I missed all the hullabaloo and needed to feel as if I was in the know and now I feel like an idiot.
Maybe I'll see if Tucker Max has a cause I can support.
BTW I now own that Van book of yours. But I have to read the Dave Barry book I bought first. Comedy in alphabetic order only, I always say.

[Eric]

Dear Mr. Ian Black,

I come to you with quite a quandary. A quandary so large that I had to look up how to spell the word quandary. Microsoft Word has suggested that I try "quantum", and who am I to refuse such a suggestion?

SO anyway, my quantum is that there is this girl. This girl is really obsessed with you. Also, a fairly important thing to know in this tale of mine is that one time I e-mailed you and you e-mailed back. And since you are totally famous, her vagina melted away like the chocolate bar on a hot summer day (i'm good at similes).

Now, I'm not gay. I'm watching Mens Beach Volleyball on NBC, and I'm hardly aroused. I submit to you that you either sleep with this supposedly attractive female, or that you do something cool that will make her sleep with me. One idea is that you prove some kind of theorem.

P.S. - you owe me

Sincerely, Eric
or grow.eric@gmail.com

[themarchrabbit]

ahhh shucks! I missed this one. But I'm going to buy a house soon so I think I might need someone to donate to me for my down payment fund.

[Jenny]

Hi Michael, I'm sure you're busy and whatnot with your new show that I can't attend tapings to, not that I'm bitter, but I found this page through the stumbleupon.com toolbar and thought you would very much enjoy this. Did you know there are such things as Beard Clubs? Me neither. Fascinating. In the creepy way.

http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/Gallery/gallery.html

[Reen]

(sigh)

[Zane]

I just got the thank you note today with tons of photos and drawings from the kids in the class. All very cute.
Good for you, doing that!

-Zane