Yay! We did it! We did it together!
I can't thank all of you enough. In less than three days, you donated over seven hundred dollars so an Alabama kindergarten teacher can have some much-needed school supplies. This is great on so many levels. First of all, you did a good thing. We Jews call that a mitzvah, and it's the easiest way to buy your way into heaven. So you're all going to heaven. Which is great. Because in heaven, they always have watermelon Jolly Ranchers.
Second, I am told that there are going to be personal notes of thanks from the kids, which should be cute. And if there's one thing I like more than unicorns, it's cute cards from kids. (And, obviously, butt sex.)
Third, this gives me one more reason to feel like my fans are morally superior to Tucker Max's fans.
And most importantly, I'm especially grateful because the fact that you guys donated so much means that I don't have to go out of pocket to make up for what you cheap bastards were unwilling to give. I don't know if you have any idea what Vh1 is paying these days, but trust me when I say, I'm buying my Cristal on sale.
Thanks again, you guys. In addition to being the sexiest blog readers on the web, you're also the most generous, and I know that there is a classroom filled with kids in Alabama that agrees. (I don't mean to say that they agree with me about the part where I said that you're the sexiest blog readers on the web because that would be creepy.)
This is a message I just got from Caramel Delite (AKA Nikita):
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HELP AND
SUPPORT. I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A
WELL ORGANIZED YEAR THANKS TO YOU AND ALL WHO DONATED. TELL EVERYONE
ELSE THANK YOU AS WELL. EVERYONES OFFICIAL THANK YOUs FROM ME AND MY
STUDENTS WILL BE COMING SOON, ONCE THEY RECEIVE THE FINAL DONOR CHECK
AND WE GET THE ORGANIZER. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH.
GOD BLESS AND I WISH YOU MUCH CONTINUED SUCCESS WITH YOUR CAREER. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
SINCERELY,
NIKITA
Yay! I didn't donate and I feel entitled. This totally makes up for the lame popsicle stick joke I just read.
...
"What do you need most when you go skateboarding?" "Your skateboard!"
Posted by: Brad OFarrell | August 02, 2008 at 11:23 PM
michael ian black: very famous, best selling author, philanthropist.
Posted by: Mitch | August 02, 2008 at 11:41 PM
Yay, indeed! That's really great. If I wasn't having such money problems this month, I would've donated, too. I'll just have to do my mitzvah by fasting for Tisha B'Av next week. How cheap of me.
Now I'm going to go have a watermelon Jolly Rancher.
Posted by: Nickie | August 02, 2008 at 11:43 PM
I'm really happy for those kids, but I'm also really happy about that one lower case letter smack-dab in the thank you message.
Posted by: C | August 03, 2008 at 12:45 AM
Well done, you, for agreeing to help the less fortunate by being gracious enough to ask other people to be generous! You wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize your place in heaven, right Michael? No, surely not. Anyway, we were glad to help.
Posted by: Susanna | August 03, 2008 at 01:19 AM
Did we donate $700 - or did $700 worth of My Custom Van just not get bought? UH OH!
Posted by: Maurs | August 03, 2008 at 02:46 AM
Yipee!
I wish I could say I donated, but sadly for me, I'm going to hell! You rule, though! Yes!
Posted by: Selena | August 03, 2008 at 03:24 AM
Think.. if you were to donate 1% of Tucker Max's royalty check, that would be more than twice this 700 dollars. Do it for the children. They need you Michael, they need you.
Posted by: Paul | August 03, 2008 at 03:39 AM
I didn't donate any money but all those compliments you gave, I'm assuming, are about me as well. :3 I don't care what anyone says.
Posted by: Severed | August 03, 2008 at 07:56 AM
Oh wow! That was nice to see this morning, that the goal had been met. What a great thing, and what a feeling of accomplishment. I hope those kids have a great year. And again, way to go Michael for getting involved. And for everyone who donated. :)
Posted by: Jenny | August 03, 2008 at 11:21 AM
I donated (though I didn't get a shout out on the updates, that's okay. I already cried myself to sleep on that last night), but I still want my pantry organized.
However, I will take being called sexy in the interim. In fact, I think I will roll around in my pantry mess, with all my sexy mitzvah moral superiority, glowing from the widely-directed sexy compliment. And though in reality it was not really aimed at me personally, in pantry world, it so was. So thank you!
Posted by: Jaime | August 03, 2008 at 01:44 PM
Oh wait, I see what happened. That's what I get for trying to be cute :) Viva la pantry world!
Posted by: Jaime | August 03, 2008 at 03:42 PM
Yea! That's really wonderful. Very sweet of Michael for facilitating this.
And for those of you who didn't donate... keep it on the down low, but I actually heard that in hell they have Watermelon Jolly Rancher Martinis which are WAY better since they taste like Watermelon Jolly Ranchers yet are mostly vodka. Plus they have butt sex.
Posted by: Bella | August 03, 2008 at 06:24 PM
I like your sheets.
Posted by: Jaime | August 03, 2008 at 10:06 PM
Yeah, love the pillowcase.
Posted by: cat | August 03, 2008 at 10:18 PM
Ha ha ha! That picture cracks me up. You look like a happy muppet!
Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia | August 04, 2008 at 02:54 AM
Sheets? Or one of those roll up pillows you tuck right under your skull so your spine is align and you're feelin' fine?
That Spirograph game -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirograph
that's what the design reminds me of. Never ending circles. No beginning, no end. (Fucking deep).
Posted by: Reen | August 04, 2008 at 08:56 AM
Okay okay so you're feeling all warm and fuzzy inside for raising some cash for a worthy cause. That being said Michael, when is the fight with Tucker scheduled? Or have you conveniently forgotten about the challenge YOU made?
Posted by: stevey | August 04, 2008 at 11:45 AM
This is amazing! To bad I am lame and didn't donate. If they are still taking donations I would be more than happy to donate a few bucks!
The children are our future, make sure they have crayolas!!!!
Belive me, they will remember if you get the cheap ass dollar store crayons that snap in half as soon as you press down on the paper.
Posted by: Heather | August 04, 2008 at 12:37 PM
oh i hated those cheap ass crayons! waxy bitches. >:0
Posted by: Jenny | August 04, 2008 at 01:38 PM
They always give you waxy crayons at restaurants. How do I know? Because I still totally get the children's menu.
And I didn't donate but I would have if I had seen this earlier and my mom didn't start hiding her credit card from me.
Posted by: ryalye | August 04, 2008 at 06:05 PM
....and there you will see the face of God, an African American Woman eating "WATERMELON" Jolly Ranchers in a Cadillac V16. I think you and the writers of The Matrix have finally seen the light!
Bit of Honey (Heir to the Throne)
http://www.thepostcard.com/walt/ethnic/eth221.gif
http://image.maniadb.com/images/album/168/168218_1_f.jpg
Posted by: BIT O HONEY | August 04, 2008 at 08:00 PM
Okay, those Queen Latifah pictures were just freaking weird.
well done
Posted by: cat | August 05, 2008 at 03:17 AM
Bit, I was hoping you'd see this blog!
One must never EVER request a "Watermelon" Jolly Rancher from Bit O Honey's candy bag.
That is all.
It's a loooooong story....(that white people won't understand anyway).
Posted by: Reen | August 05, 2008 at 12:02 PM
Yay I love kids or whatever...
totally unrelated, but check out Tucker's weak-ass attempt at a script: http://gawker.com/5033233/tucker-maxs-movie-script-embarrassing-bro
Posted by: TMo | August 05, 2008 at 01:25 PM