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August 02, 2008

Yay! We did it! We did it together!

I can't thank all of you enough. In less than three days, you donated over seven hundred dollars so an  Alabama kindergarten teacher can have some much-needed school supplies. This is great on so many levels. First of all, you did a good thing. We Jews call that a mitzvah, and it's the easiest way to buy your way into heaven. So you're all going to heaven. Which is great. Because in heaven, they always have watermelon Jolly Ranchers.

Second, I am told that there are going to be personal notes of thanks from the kids, which should be cute. And if there's one thing I like more than unicorns, it's cute cards from kids. (And, obviously, butt sex.)

Third, this gives me one more reason to feel like my fans are morally superior to Tucker Max's fans.

And most importantly, I'm especially grateful because the fact that you guys donated so much means that I don't have to go out of pocket to make up for what you cheap bastards were unwilling to give. I don't know if you have any idea what Vh1 is paying these days, but trust me when I say, I'm buying my Cristal on sale.

Thanks again, you guys. In addition to being the sexiest blog readers on the web, you're also the most generous, and I know that there is a classroom filled with kids in Alabama that agrees. (I don't mean to say that they agree with me about the part where I said that you're the sexiest blog readers on the web because that would be creepy.)

Photo_131_2

This is a message I just got from Caramel Delite (AKA Nikita):

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT. I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A WELL ORGANIZED YEAR THANKS TO YOU AND ALL WHO DONATED. TELL EVERYONE ELSE THANK YOU AS WELL. EVERYONES OFFICIAL THANK YOUs FROM ME AND MY STUDENTS WILL BE COMING SOON, ONCE THEY RECEIVE THE FINAL DONOR CHECK AND WE GET THE ORGANIZER. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH.
GOD BLESS AND I WISH YOU MUCH CONTINUED SUCCESS WITH YOUR CAREER. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

SINCERELY,
NIKITA

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Brad OFarrell

Yay! I didn't donate and I feel entitled. This totally makes up for the lame popsicle stick joke I just read.

...

"What do you need most when you go skateboarding?" "Your skateboard!"

Mitch

michael ian black: very famous, best selling author, philanthropist.

Nickie

Yay, indeed! That's really great. If I wasn't having such money problems this month, I would've donated, too. I'll just have to do my mitzvah by fasting for Tisha B'Av next week. How cheap of me.

Now I'm going to go have a watermelon Jolly Rancher.

C

I'm really happy for those kids, but I'm also really happy about that one lower case letter smack-dab in the thank you message.

Susanna

Well done, you, for agreeing to help the less fortunate by being gracious enough to ask other people to be generous! You wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize your place in heaven, right Michael? No, surely not. Anyway, we were glad to help.

Maurs

Did we donate $700 - or did $700 worth of My Custom Van just not get bought? UH OH!

Selena

Yipee!
I wish I could say I donated, but sadly for me, I'm going to hell! You rule, though! Yes!

Paul

Think.. if you were to donate 1% of Tucker Max's royalty check, that would be more than twice this 700 dollars. Do it for the children. They need you Michael, they need you.

Severed

I didn't donate any money but all those compliments you gave, I'm assuming, are about me as well. :3 I don't care what anyone says.

Jenny

Oh wow! That was nice to see this morning, that the goal had been met. What a great thing, and what a feeling of accomplishment. I hope those kids have a great year. And again, way to go Michael for getting involved. And for everyone who donated. :)

Jaime

I donated (though I didn't get a shout out on the updates, that's okay. I already cried myself to sleep on that last night), but I still want my pantry organized.

However, I will take being called sexy in the interim. In fact, I think I will roll around in my pantry mess, with all my sexy mitzvah moral superiority, glowing from the widely-directed sexy compliment. And though in reality it was not really aimed at me personally, in pantry world, it so was. So thank you!

Jaime

Oh wait, I see what happened. That's what I get for trying to be cute :) Viva la pantry world!

Bella

Yea! That's really wonderful. Very sweet of Michael for facilitating this.

And for those of you who didn't donate... keep it on the down low, but I actually heard that in hell they have Watermelon Jolly Rancher Martinis which are WAY better since they taste like Watermelon Jolly Ranchers yet are mostly vodka. Plus they have butt sex.

Jaime

I like your sheets.

cat

Yeah, love the pillowcase.

AmbroseKalifornia

Ha ha ha! That picture cracks me up. You look like a happy muppet!

Reen

Sheets? Or one of those roll up pillows you tuck right under your skull so your spine is align and you're feelin' fine?

That Spirograph game -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirograph

that's what the design reminds me of. Never ending circles. No beginning, no end. (Fucking deep).


stevey

Okay okay so you're feeling all warm and fuzzy inside for raising some cash for a worthy cause. That being said Michael, when is the fight with Tucker scheduled? Or have you conveniently forgotten about the challenge YOU made?

Heather

This is amazing! To bad I am lame and didn't donate. If they are still taking donations I would be more than happy to donate a few bucks!

The children are our future, make sure they have crayolas!!!!
Belive me, they will remember if you get the cheap ass dollar store crayons that snap in half as soon as you press down on the paper.

Jenny

oh i hated those cheap ass crayons! waxy bitches. >:0

ryalye

They always give you waxy crayons at restaurants. How do I know? Because I still totally get the children's menu.

And I didn't donate but I would have if I had seen this earlier and my mom didn't start hiding her credit card from me.

BIT O HONEY

....and there you will see the face of God, an African American Woman eating "WATERMELON" Jolly Ranchers in a Cadillac V16. I think you and the writers of The Matrix have finally seen the light!

Bit of Honey (Heir to the Throne)

http://www.thepostcard.com/walt/ethnic/eth221.gif

http://image.maniadb.com/images/album/168/168218_1_f.jpg

cat

Okay, those Queen Latifah pictures were just freaking weird.

well done

Reen

Bit, I was hoping you'd see this blog!

One must never EVER request a "Watermelon" Jolly Rancher from Bit O Honey's candy bag.

That is all.

It's a loooooong story....(that white people won't understand anyway).

TMo

Yay I love kids or whatever...

totally unrelated, but check out Tucker's weak-ass attempt at a script: http://gawker.com/5033233/tucker-maxs-movie-script-embarrassing-bro

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