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August 2008

August 02, 2008

Yay! We did it! We did it together!

I can't thank all of you enough. In less than three days, you donated over seven hundred dollars so an  Alabama kindergarten teacher can have some much-needed school supplies. This is great on so many levels. First of all, you did a good thing. We Jews call that a mitzvah, and it's the easiest way to buy your way into heaven. So you're all going to heaven. Which is great. Because in heaven, they always have watermelon Jolly Ranchers.

Second, I am told that there are going to be personal notes of thanks from the kids, which should be cute. And if there's one thing I like more than unicorns, it's cute cards from kids. (And, obviously, butt sex.)

Third, this gives me one more reason to feel like my fans are morally superior to Tucker Max's fans.

And most importantly, I'm especially grateful because the fact that you guys donated so much means that I don't have to go out of pocket to make up for what you cheap bastards were unwilling to give. I don't know if you have any idea what Vh1 is paying these days, but trust me when I say, I'm buying my Cristal on sale.

Thanks again, you guys. In addition to being the sexiest blog readers on the web, you're also the most generous, and I know that there is a classroom filled with kids in Alabama that agrees. (I don't mean to say that they agree with me about the part where I said that you're the sexiest blog readers on the web because that would be creepy.)

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This is a message I just got from Caramel Delite (AKA Nikita):

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT. I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A WELL ORGANIZED YEAR THANKS TO YOU AND ALL WHO DONATED. TELL EVERYONE ELSE THANK YOU AS WELL. EVERYONES OFFICIAL THANK YOUs FROM ME AND MY STUDENTS WILL BE COMING SOON, ONCE THEY RECEIVE THE FINAL DONOR CHECK AND WE GET THE ORGANIZER. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH.
GOD BLESS AND I WISH YOU MUCH CONTINUED SUCCESS WITH YOUR CAREER. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

SINCERELY,
NIKITA

August 01, 2008

Help Me Help You Help Some Chick in Alabama

There's a teacher in Alabama who contacted me through myspace about obtaining some much needed school supplies, and I decided to help her out for three reasons.

1. Her myspace name is Caramel Delite.
2. The picture of her husband is kind of adorable. His picture (and hers) can be seen on her myspace page.
3. She's working with a great organization that helps teachers get the materials they need for their classrooms.

Here's a picture of her class:

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You can donate by clicking here.

All around pretty adorable and a great way to help out some kids.

UPDATE: Thanks Renee! See what happens when you give? You get personal thanks from poor kids and very famous celebrities. And from poor, very famous celebrities (Expect a note from Kato Kaelin.)

UPDATE 2: Thank you, Ethereal Zoe. Because of you, all of those adorable children will never have the following thought: "I hate Ethereal Zoe."

UPDATE 3: Halfway there. If everybody who reads this blog contributes one dollar, we'll be there in a couple hours. Then we'll all look like big fucking heroes.

UPDATE 4: Thank you, Zane, who not only has a generous spirit on the inside, but is hot on the outside (which, in my book, is more important).

UPDATE 5: Thank you, Tyger, who I do not know, but who lives in Laguna Beach is theefore probably a Crip.

UPDATE 6: Thank you, Jenny. Jenny gave because she believes the arts are important and because I told her to - not necessarily in that order. The next time I am in Big Cabin, Oklahoma, I will personally thank you, Jenny. (I plan on being in Big Cabin several times over the next few weeks, so you should plan on seeing a lot of me.)

UPDATE 7: Thank you Serena, South City High School, and of course, the Michael Ian Black Blogger Foundation, which is a REAL foundation* that makes grants to deserving people all over the world.

*Not a real foundation.

UPDATE 8: We only need $282 more dollars to fulfill this request. A promise: the next ten people who donate will receive a Mini Cooper courtesy of Greenwich Mini Cooper in Greenwich, Connecticut. You have my word. Of course, I am in show business, and so my word is worthless.

UPDATE 9: Thank you Greg for giving, and also for incorporating a Whitney Houston quote into your donation. Well done.

UPDATE 10: Thank you Karen, Susanna, Camille, and Tara. Because of you, these children will grow up to be respectable, contributing members of society instead of bitter, angry adults recounting to their shrinks how they had nowhere to put their stuff in kindergarten.

Here's Something I Just Wrote for the "Best Week Ever" Site

Michael Ian Black Presents: The 8 Awesomest Custom Vans In The History Of Awesome
By Michael Ian Black

Ed Note: Michael Ian Black — whose gilded resume includes Stella, The State, the tragically DVD-less Viva Variety, and countless well-meaning “I love that guy on Best Week Ever!” compliments — is now the proud author of a book, My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face. To help promote said reading material (which we can objectively say is funnier and more aggressively irreverent than even our high expectations were expecting), Michael has agreed to show off his love and keen eye for stylish custom vans for us in the form of a list. Take it away, Michael:

Custom vans are awesome. Anything that looks so cool outside and smells so rank inside has to be considered awesome. Nothing on four wheels has ever been invented that is better for simultaneously driving fast, cranking tunes, smoking reefer, and getting laid. What follows are several images of custom vans that rise above the merely awesome to the level of Super Awesome.

Bear Van

8. Bear Van

For the nature-loving environmentalist/ custom van aficionado, this custom van is equally at home at Yosemite National Park and the local roller rink where all the really cute fourteen year old girls hang out. It is unusual for it’s full-body paint treatment, as well as its “bear looking up at nothing” theme. As sweet as a bear’s favorite treat: garbage.

Chess Van

7. Chess Van

This chess-themed custom van features a diamond-shaped peek-a-boo side window and an incredible airbrushed panorama of pawn battling knight. This is the kind of van that says to any potential lady friends, “I both know how to party and play chess.” Checkmate, foxy, checkmate.

Continue reading "Here's Something I Just Wrote for the "Best Week Ever" Site" »