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August 11, 2008

Hi Everybody

Sorry I've been in absentia (Latin for "on board a UFO") for the last week. Michael Showalter and I were taping our pilot for Comedy Central and I did not have any free time for blogging. How did the taping go? It was a disaster. Most of the problem had to do with the fact that we only had five days to shoot the entire thing. Ordinarily this would be enough time to shoot a half hour television pilot, but I stupidly scheduled a bunch of softball games at the exact same time that we supposed to be shooting. Big mistake. Obviously, the TV pilot should take precendence over some recreational softball games, but our team is in the hunt for the league title and I felt like the guys really needed my moral support (I spend most games on the bench because I am not "good" at softball). As a result of all this softball, we ended up shooting less than half of the script in our allotted time. So instead of a half hour pilot, we will eventually wind up with a thirteen minute pilot. Will this affect our chances of getting picked up? Almost certainly, yes.

On Friday, we taped the live portion of our pilot. This also did not go well, largely as a result of my freaking out on an audience member and storming off the set. What happened was this: in between takes, I noticed a girl in the audience whisper something to her friend which I interpreted by anti-Semitic. Why I interpreted her whispering in this manner I do not know, but I responded by calling her a "fucking Nazi cunt" and running away. In retrospect this was probably not the best reaction, especially because later I was told that the girl was asking her friend if she had a breath mint. The girl was understandably upset at my outburst and production shut down for a couple hours while members of the crew were sent out to find me (They finally did find me at a nearby diner where I was gorging on multiple vegan milkshakes.)

I recently went vegan, which has been absolutely fantastic. At first I was worried that it would be a difficult transition, but I've been pleasantly surprised at how smooth it's gone. For anybody thinking about going vegan, here's what I ate for lunch this past week:

Monday - grilled eggplant, basmati rice, fruit cup, jasmine tea.
Tuesday - steamed asparagus, tofurkey burger, flourless chocolate torte, sparkling water.
Wednesday - fried okra, small piece of grilled salmon, brownie, diet Dr. Pepper.
Thursday - spinach salad with bacon, organic beef medallions, vegan cookie, Dr. Pepper.
Friday - BBQ short ribs, pork loin with drippings, veal chops wrapped in veal, Death by Chocolate also wrapped in veal, jasmine tea.

A gentle reminder: those of you who promised checks to donorschoose.org please send them in. My teacher friend in Alabama told me that, although the fulfillment was completed, she cannot get her school supplies until the all the promised money has been received. School is already back in session, which means that every day that goes by without the promised money, another kindgergartner dies.

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Camille

No apology necessary. I've been busy with my own series as well! Except mine is only being shown in my daughter's room through a large,rather sloppily cut up cardboard box. I hope the show gets picked up before the cat pees in it. Limited engagement,I guess...lol.

Jasmine tea kinda sound barfy.

Sara

You're funny.

Severed

;~; you had me worried sick!

chris flannery

veal chops wrapped in veal, that sounds so good.

Mette

Happy birthday Michael.

Jenny

Do you know, I've never had veal? You should bring me some when you come to Big Cabin. Also, I'm sorry your show went so "terribly." I'm sure if you just start screening your live audience at the door you can weed out the potential fucking Nazis and then everything will go smoothly. :)

Susanna

Who needs a successful pilot when you've got Death by Chocolate wrapped in veal?

But seriously, I really hope you are kidding about the taping not going well. I mean, there's only a few more episodes of Reality Bites Back left and I need to know there will be some Michaels on TV sometime in the coming months!

Cat

It's nice to see you blogging again Michael.

Veganism? Eww..

Bailey

oh thank god, i thought you DIED! or were KIDNAPPED! anyway nice to have you back and Happy Birthday!

Jaime

Death by Chocolate also wrapped in veal. Delicioso.

I was out of town and luckily missed out on three days of agonizing over missed blogging. Otherwise I would be dead already. Much like all the Alabamian kindergardeners.

Carolyn

He's totally lying, everyone. I was in that studio audience for the filming of the pilot, and it was awesome. Let's all cross our fingers that Comedy Central likes it, because we all LOVED it.

(I mean the Nazi girl thing, that really happened, but otherwise he's lying.)

Reen

Funny, funny, FUNNY!

Of course you guys will get picked up. No negative Nellys around here, Mister. It's happening.

And thank YOU for blogging and brightening the day. Have to say, I, too, was wondering if you died. Maybe from eating too many babies in a box. Or maybe you had to put your dog to sleep, again. There also was some concern that your dick fell off from cough due to cold.

And since I always have and always will believe everything you blog - welcome to the land of Vegan! I've been Vegan for months now. In the same way that I'm a part-time Queen...made of snow!

And before I leave your space here, I wish to remind you to be sure to blog tomorrow. Why? Because it's your biiirrrttthhhdddaaaaaaayyy. Ready?
"Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah - ya say it's your birthday...nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ...it's my birthday too, yeah..."

sarah

hey Carolyn,

The nazi girl really happened? How was showalter?

kate

i was really upset when i read that the pilot was horrible.
but then i remembered that i was there and it was actually everything i had expected from black and showalter, in the best way possible.
so lets all cross our fingers and hope it airs.

and the nazi girl thing did happen, of course

Cat

Well, it is now officially your birthday. Soooo Happy Birthday! YAY!!!

I am so making a cake in the shape of a unicorn in honor of your birthday, a la Ace of Cakes, but less spectacular.

Ryalye

So wait, were you or weren't you on a UFO? Like do you mean you did this all on a spaceship or what? If so, how can you be so nonchalant about it? That's HUGE!

Also, happy birthday unless it's not your birthday and other's are just pretending it's your birthday to make me look silly.

Camille

Did you know your b-day is shared by Miss Clea AND Sir Mix-a-Lot? I foretell some booty shakin' tonight!

Camille

Cleo...Miss Cleo. Miss Clea is our local fortune teller next to Food 4 Less.

Reen

Haha Cam.

"Calla me nowa!"

Chris Cantera

I sincerely hope you used a bacon stirrer in that jasmine tea.

Ryan R

You need to eat some turducktin. The desert of champions.

Nickie

Happy Birthday, Michael!! Glad the aliens dropped you off just in time. Although a birthday aboard a UFO would be quite a story to tell.

Maaatlock

Happy Birthday you wonderful man, from another wonderful man. Matlock. xoxoxo

Felicia

Again with the non-Pepsi products. Seriously, how did you ever get that Sierra Mist gig?!

Oh, and happy birthday to the man who is sabotaging my children's education by promoting competitive products and lowering the value of their college funds.

Lee

The pilot taping was so great.

I'd go to every episode if I could.

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