So I taped “Chelsea Lately” this afternoon. The interview went well, although she became surprisingly squeamish when I talked about “A Series of Letters to the First Girl I Ever Fingered.” Her boyfriend’s ancient parents were in the audience and so she was concerned about their reaction to my repeated references to finger blasting and finger popping, as well as my demonstration of said blasting/popping. I also went to some lengths to explain directly to the parents exactly what I was talking about, and later in the interview asked if they were “swingers in their time.” The audience seemed to enjoy it, but I might have quickly worn out my welcome on the show. The show will not air tonight; they said it might be a week or two before they get it on. (I just said “get it on.”)
The rest of my day was spent at my usual LA haunt, the La Brea Tar Pits, where I discovered a new species of dinosaur. This news was overshadowed by those guys in Georgia who have Bigfoot in their freezer. Talk about bad timing on my part! I finally discover a new dinosaur species on the same exact day Bigfoot is discovered! Typical.
Tomorrow I fly back to New York. Last time I flew back across the country, I was on JetBlue. The guy next to me was wearing “Reality Bites Back.” After halfway through he turned to me and said, “Is that you?” I think the way I said, “Yes” made it clear to me that I wasn’t interested in talking to him because he did not say another word to me the rest of the flight, even after I offered to share my Lorna Doones.
Annoyingly, the fact that I am flying tomorrow means I will miss the official Bigfoot press conference unless it is covered, as it should be, by all three major networks. For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, I refer you here. Truly we are living in blessed times when the words “Bigfoot” and “news conference” can even be used in the same sentence. All I could think when I read about this was, “Please God, let Bigfoot be real.” Because if this is just another Bigfoot cock tease I’m going to be pissed.