The First Ever "Transform David Spedaris Into A Supervillain" Contest: FINAL THREE

First of all, my thanks to all of the patriots who decided to take time out of their busy lives to Photoshop flag pins, pirate patches, and Taco Doritos onto photographs of best-selling memoirist David Spedaris. Your efforts were all "great," (I put "great" in quotation marks because some of them were terrible) but there can be only three finalists.

How did I pick my final three? I relied on love, intuition, and alcohol. Those three friends have never let me down me before, and they didn't today. So without further adieu, I present to you the FINAL THREE!!!

From Rick DeMint:

 

"Crumpet. Voodoo magic and elfin powers are on his side in his secret mission to destroy Michael Ian Black in all things memoirist."

From Eric Anderson:

"Sedaris the Saucy Sailor: He lures men from the harbor deep into the belly of his ship. Then, when he knows the coast is clear, he bores the shit out of them with stories about his childhood."

And finally, from Laura:

"Frenchy McStink. After being challenged by superstars such as Michael Ian Black, Spedaris transforms into a supervillain. This adorable yet deceiving skunk draws his victims with his nonchalant attitude and basket of well-arranged flowers. He then emits compelling and rather stinky excerpts from his latest collection of essays. After the victims have been sufficiently tamed and entranced by his smelly writings, Frenchy McStink spews out random French words like 'Je déteste l'Amerique.'"

Comments

[Susanna]

Oops, I meant "regression" not "recession".

(These damn gas prices are clouding my brain!)

[Ralph]

"Readers will be encouraged to lobby for their favorite, but I and I alone will make the final decision."

It's not rebellious if he asked you to vote. I believe lobbying is a vote of confidence towards one villain or another.

I wouldn't dream of reading the words of Spedaris so knowing that my vote is uninformed the skunk trumps the creepy sailor and the Will Ferrell-esque Elf.

And I am not a friend of Eric nor Laura.

I would be wary of giving a prize to anyone who knows so much about Spedaris out of fear that Spedaris was behind the entry presented by Rick DeMint. No one can be trusted.

[sarah]

good point Ralph :)

[Camille]

I agree with Therese that the elf is good photoshopping and didn't realize there was a history of the elf character(per Susanna). I think I would be more inclined to "vote" for that one if it had more of a backstory or description with it. Just my two pennies.

[Severed]

The skunk is very cute and well done but the sailor is hilarious. :P It's a hard one.

[Mike]

Crumpet is amazing.

[Therese]

Given Susanna's explanation, then surely the elf must win! Clearly she and Rick knows their Spedaris, and in every epic battle, you must know your enemy, for only then can you know their weaknesses...

[J. L.]

I take it some of you have never heard the saying "If you have to explain a joke then it obviously is _ o_ th _ _
fun_ _ "?

[ChloeJ82]

Def the skunk.

[Ethereal Zoe]

My vote is definitely for Frenchy McStink.

[Jo Mama]

I got the elf reference right away but so what it isn't funny. I didn't think it was worth making top 3.
Frenchy skunk is the only one that made me laugh and should win.

[Zane]

I still think that I Eat Poopy Sedaris should win, but of the three finalists, I choose the skunk.

[Reen]

Maybe it should be the skunk afterall. I can't decide between Sailor/Skunk.

However, (this logic should sway a Liberal like you, Michael), who can remember the last time a woman has won anything? I mean ever?

Well?

Let's make some history today! Laura IS a woman, yes? Well then. Laura SHOULD win!

[michelle]

I vote for Pepe Le Pu or Popeye..... elf's creep me out since I have been called one in the past,....not something you want to be remembered as!!!!!