The First Ever "Transform David Spedaris Into A Supervillain" Contest: FINAL THREE
First of all, my thanks to all of the patriots who decided to take time out of their busy lives to Photoshop flag pins, pirate patches, and Taco Doritos onto photographs of best-selling memoirist David Spedaris. Your efforts were all "great," (I put "great" in quotation marks because some of them were terrible) but there can be only three finalists.
How did I pick my final three? I relied on love, intuition, and alcohol. Those three friends have never let me down me before, and they didn't today. So without further adieu, I present to you the FINAL THREE!!!
From Rick DeMint:
"Crumpet. Voodoo magic and elfin powers are on his side in his secret mission to destroy Michael Ian Black in all things memoirist."
From Eric Anderson:
"Sedaris the Saucy Sailor: He lures men from the harbor deep into the belly of his ship. Then, when he knows the coast is clear, he bores the shit out of them with stories about his childhood."
And finally, from Laura:
"Frenchy McStink. After being challenged by superstars such as Michael Ian Black, Spedaris transforms into a supervillain. This adorable yet deceiving skunk draws his victims with his nonchalant attitude and basket of well-arranged flowers. He then emits compelling and rather stinky excerpts from his latest collection of essays. After the victims have been sufficiently tamed and entranced by his smelly writings, Frenchy McStink spews out random French words like 'Je déteste l'Amerique.'"