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July 09, 2008

Ladies, Please Don’t Fuck the Nazis

I have never been one of those people who makes a habit of telling other people what to do, but this time I feel the need to make an exception; ladies, please don’t fuck the Nazis. Believe me, I know all the reasons why you might be tempted. They’re tall. They’re blonde. They’re chiseled. They have the best uniforms. They’re punctual and they keep excellent records. All of that is true, but please don’t fuck the Nazis.

Now look, I know that people have sex with each other all the time despite having political differences, and I would never tell you not to sleep with a Libertarian, for example. Or even a Republican. But when it comes to Nazis, I really think it’s different. Even if he’s a really nice Nazi.

Look, I know how lonely it can get for you ladies. I know that sometimes a little attention can make you feel special, but when it’s coming from a Nazi, I think you have to ask yourself, “Is this really the kind of attention I want?” My guess – probably not.

What happens when your Nazi lover starts talking about killing the gypsies? How you feel when he shares his dream of creating a master race? Or when he greets friends with a Hitler salute? Is the physical pleasure really worth the aggravation and embarrassment? Again – probably not.

I know that just because he’s a Nazi doesn’t mean he can’t also have many redeeming qualities. Maybe he’s a great cook. Or a fantastic father figure to your children from a previous relationship. Maybe he’s a terrific break dancer. All of that might be true, and yet I still believe that the very fact of his membership in the Nazi party should disqualify him from sharing an intimate relationship with you. Ladies, please don’t fuck the Nazis.

Am I saying you can’t ever have sex with a Nazi? Frankly, yes. Even if it’s just a “harmless” one night stand. Why not? Let me answer your question with a question: What are you doing when you have sex with a Nazi?

Answer: encouraging him.

That’s right, simply the act of allowing him to invade your private Poland is encouraging his behavior, and I’m sorry but I personally believe the last thing we should be doing as modern Americans is encouraging the Nazis.

If I’m coming across as a scold or a nag I apologize. Believe me, this is not about passing judgment on anybody (except the Nazis). Instead, I just feel the need to express myself on this very important subject. Now look, nobody’s saying you can’t have a “good time.” Ladies, it is not my place to judge who you sleep with, and I don’t think you need to go around asking every potential lover what his political affiliations are. But use common sense. Look for warning signs. If he’s wearing a swastika on his arm, or if at any time in your conversation he says, “Hitler was right,” then I would probably wish that fellow a good night and find another potential screw.

Ladies, please don’t fuck the Nazis.


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Don't worry about that MIB. I'm partial to the jews for some reason. Jews and non-guido looking italians. And Jeff Rosenstock, whatever he is, lol.

But mostly because, in my experience, they're packing. GO JUDAISM.


NOW you tell me to not let a Nazi in my Private Poland??!!


You do know the Nazis were...leftists? That's why they were called National Socialists?

Air Jordan

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