I Know It's A Little Too Soon, But Fuck George Carlin
A few days ago, I wrote a very nice post about George Carlin and how much he meant to me as a comedian, but that was then and this is now. Only moments ago, I checked to see how my book is doing on Amazon.com, and I was pleased to see that it was ranked #4 in the Humor category. Pretty good, right? Well guess who is occupying spots #2 and #3? Not David Sedaris. George Carlin! Why? Because he fucking died, that's why! Look:
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I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max (Author)   (240 customer reviews)
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Three Times Carlin: An Orgy of George by George Carlin (Author)  (8 customer reviews)
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Brain Droppings by George Carlin (Author) (153 customer reviews)
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My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face by Michael Ian Black (Author) Publication Date: July 15, 2008 In Stock
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See all 240 customer reviews...If it wasn't for Carlin's unfortunate demise, I'd be number two right now! Number two is the highest ranked I've ever been in anything! Do you know where his books were ranked two weeks ago? They weren't, that's where! Carlin's heart couldn't hang on for a few more weeks? I'm not saying he deliberately dropped dead to fuck up my ranking on Amazon, but I'm not saying he didn't, either. Timing is everything in comedy, and as usual, his was brilliant, and mine fucking sucks.
Ironically, tonight I find myself praying for the health of David Sedaris.
I still think it'd be the greatest if you knocked that smug tool Tucker Max off the top spot and then maybe Zombie George Carlin could eat Tucker's brains for good measure, ensuring that Zombie George starved (not much to eat) and that Tucker Max ends up too busy being a Zombie himself, later.
A guy can dream.
Posted by: Ergang Blisterwick the IVth | July 01, 2008 at 09:40 PM
Who's getting George's money now?
Posted by: Severed | July 01, 2008 at 10:08 PM
That's weak.
However, you could fake your death after "Custom Van" comes out to boost sales. Or maybe fake a coma or kidnapping. But don't die for real that would just suck.
Posted by: Adam | July 01, 2008 at 10:56 PM
Oh dear. That's bad karma right there Michael, bad karma. Get a hookah and blow some smoke around. Quick, man! Maybe call Miss Cleo. Dance with a snake. Something!
Posted by: Reen | July 01, 2008 at 11:16 PM
I never thought I'd say this to you, but:
Take it back!! I'm just going to sit here and wait for an apology on behalf of the dearly departed George Carlin.
Posted by: Susanna | July 02, 2008 at 12:19 AM
As much as we, your loyal fans, hate David Sedaris, I think we can all agree that Tucker Max is a much bigger douche. Perhaps you should start to focus your anger on him, and leave the lesser of two evils alone for now.
Posted by: Sebastian | July 02, 2008 at 12:40 AM
Sebastian, finally!
I, too, want Tucker Max gone from that list, but Michael knows what he's doing -- Tucker Max strikes me as more of a one-hit wonder (he has 2 other, apparently lesser-known books), and David Sedaris is the guy who has owned these lists for some time now. Michael's strategy is sound... I just hate looking at Tucker Max's irritatingly douche-y, frat boy gone-to-seed mug on the book covers.
Posted by: Ergang Blisterwick the IVth | July 02, 2008 at 12:57 AM
Death, apparently, sells better even than sex. Try a combo of the two next time!
Meanwhile, let me offer the trite platitude of "you'll always be number one to us, Michael".
(Sick bags are over there on the right, everyone).
Posted by: Therese | July 02, 2008 at 03:03 AM
Idea.
Maybe you should fucking die and then you'll be successful too.
Oh, and Stella was the most unfunny show on CC in the past 10 years.
Douchebag.
Posted by: Michael | July 02, 2008 at 05:04 AM
Comments
I still think it'd be the greatest if you knocked that smug tool Tucker Max off the top spot and then maybe Zombie George Carlin could eat Tucker's brains for good measure, ensuring that Zombie George starved (not much to eat) and that Tucker Max ends up too busy being a Zombie himself, later.
A guy can dream.
Posted by: Ergang Blisterwick the IVth | July 01, 2008 at 09:40 PM
Who's getting George's money now?
Posted by: Severed | July 01, 2008 at 10:08 PM
That's weak.
However, you could fake your death after "Custom Van" comes out to boost sales. Or maybe fake a coma or kidnapping. But don't die for real that would just suck.
Posted by: Adam | July 01, 2008 at 10:56 PM
Oh dear. That's bad karma right there Michael, bad karma. Get a hookah and blow some smoke around. Quick, man! Maybe call Miss Cleo. Dance with a snake. Something!
Posted by: Reen | July 01, 2008 at 11:16 PM
I never thought I'd say this to you, but:
Take it back!! I'm just going to sit here and wait for an apology on behalf of the dearly departed George Carlin.
Posted by: Susanna | July 02, 2008 at 12:19 AM
As much as we, your loyal fans, hate David Sedaris, I think we can all agree that Tucker Max is a much bigger douche. Perhaps you should start to focus your anger on him, and leave the lesser of two evils alone for now.
Posted by: Sebastian | July 02, 2008 at 12:40 AM
Sebastian, finally!
I, too, want Tucker Max gone from that list, but Michael knows what he's doing -- Tucker Max strikes me as more of a one-hit wonder (he has 2 other, apparently lesser-known books), and David Sedaris is the guy who has owned these lists for some time now. Michael's strategy is sound... I just hate looking at Tucker Max's irritatingly douche-y, frat boy gone-to-seed mug on the book covers.
Posted by: Ergang Blisterwick the IVth | July 02, 2008 at 12:57 AM
Death, apparently, sells better even than sex. Try a combo of the two next time!
Meanwhile, let me offer the trite platitude of "you'll always be number one to us, Michael".
(Sick bags are over there on the right, everyone).
Posted by: Therese | July 02, 2008 at 03:03 AM
Idea.
"Douchebag.
Posted by: Michael "
Looks like Sedaris morphed into.....you? I'm so confused!
That is most awesome that your book is rated high even though it's not officially available yet.
Posted by: Camille | July 02, 2008 at 08:35 AM
Something glitchy going on - why are all the comments repeated on the screen? They weren't *that* witty.
And Therese, there already is a combo of sex and death - orgasm.
Posted by: Reen | July 02, 2008 at 08:40 AM
So basically, what you're saying Reen, is that the next book should be "Michael Ian Black's Bumper Book of Orgasms (Illustrated)."
Posted by: Therese | July 02, 2008 at 11:41 AM
I'm not responding to any replies, just the main post when I say... HILLARIOUS! Now Mr. Black I will do everything I can to take you to number 1! I reserved my copy yesterday at the borders next to my house where all the college kids from SF State work and my friend, who works there, gets me a 30% discount.
There opening a Trader Joes next store to this borders. It's gonna' be great.
Posted by: SF Rob | July 02, 2008 at 01:28 PM
Quoting Therese: "Michael Ian Black's Bumper Book of Orgasms (Illustrated)."
Cool. And vaguely unsettling, too.
Posted by: Kolombatu the Gangly | July 02, 2008 at 01:51 PM
good book idea for MIB's Bumper Book of Orgasms, just hope it includes a chapter in braille so i can rub the dirty parts...
Posted by: R_Bishop | July 02, 2008 at 02:55 PM
Now that's a book that's worthy of a quilted cat book cover!
Posted by: Reen | July 02, 2008 at 05:44 PM
I see a possible Where's Waldo game here called Who can spot Steve Huff? There he is - Banana King. Found him again- Ergang Blisterwick the IVth. Where and when is he going to pop up next???
Posted by: Zane | July 02, 2008 at 06:04 PM
Dear Zane,
Oh, snap!
love,
Therese xxxxx
Posted by: Therese | July 02, 2008 at 06:48 PM
Why Zane, I have no idea what you're talking about! Dear me :^P
Y'all go check out the new post. Finalists are up.
Posted by: Steve Huff | July 02, 2008 at 06:53 PM
That fucking fuck George Carlin - and the truth is he'd hate that anyone gave a shit.
Posted by: Tom Lewis | July 02, 2008 at 09:51 PM
Mischievous.
Posted by: Voyeur Rosy | July 10, 2008 at 09:42 AM