I Am The Hot Slut of the Month

You can read all about it here

Until very recently I didn't know there was such thing as Hot Slut of the Day, Week, or Month. Furthermore, had I known, I don't think I would have considered myself a viable candidate for said honor. The word "hot" has rarely been applied to me. The word "slut" - never (except for a few weeks in eighth grade). So I find myself perplexed and a little touched to be June's Hot Slut of the Month. I do not know what my official duties will entail, but I imagine they will be very dirty. So be it. I am willing and able to perform all manner of filth.

Like Miss America, I plan on devoting my reign this month to a charitable cause. I haven't chosen my charity yet, but I think it might be something having to do with penguins. I know penguins aren't very slutty by nature, but they're awfully cute. The way they keep those penguin eggs warm between their feet? Adorable. Maybe I could combine penguins with something a little sexier, like orphans. I mean, I know that technically orphans aren't that sexy, but when you consider that orphans are usually the byproduct of sex, then I think you see where I'm heading. Maybe I could start a program where I bring penguins and orphans together. If it's enough orphans and enough penguins, that could be kind of slutty.

Anyway, presumably I will now also be in contention for Hot Slut of the Year. I don't know if it's too early to start casting your votes for that, but if I win I promise to do unspeakable things to all of you via web cam.

                                     (such a slut)

Comments

[Jizzbel]

You had me at "I promise to do unspeakable things to all of you via web cam."

Totally will vote for you, sweetness

[peanutbutterluver]

I raped a penguin once.
so i'm down with anything. penguins are cool man..real cool.

[ctg]

Whatever your future brings, you will always have the Hot Slut of the Month title to fall back on.

I think if you win the whole shebang, a tiara might be in order.

[Therese]

1. Of course you're hot, quit being so darned modest.

2. 'Sluts rock', remember?

3. "...if I win I promise to do unspeakable things to all of you via web cam."

Do you realise how many heads exploded on reading that sentence?

[kimi]

i voted for your sexy slutty ass. let's do something we'll regret.

[Cat]

Like what someone said before, you're Hot Slut in my book everyday.

[Hexamillion]

I wasn't registered to vote this month, but if I had been I would have totally voted for you! Incidentally, I am a fully licensed slut trainer and sex choreographer, so if you need any assistance "going for the gold" this year, do let me know. I'll hook you up for freebiez! By the way...please hold me!

[mikael k]

Keep dlisted.com underground, god forbid michael k becomes rich, he'll put a big hurt in your balloon knot and then throw some cash at you just for shits and giggles. Dlisted rules

[ellaminnowpea]

I'm not going to lie...I pushed the button more than once. There's no hotter slut than you, Michael...(not even PP) and I'd rather open a vein than vote for that POS Kate Gosselin. You put the G in front of the O and you GO Michael! Ride the wave to the Hot Slut of the Year!! Dude, you crushed 'Tina' from ONTL - wear your title proud! xoxox

[L]

I voted for you. Congrats! You absolutely deserve it. I'll vote for you when it comes to Hot Slut of the Year too. Congrats again!

[melissa]

You have a blog? Very cool! I voted for you and hope you win Hot Slut of the Year. Keep your promise!

[Pamsey]

You've always been a sexy beast to me!

[skank]

I voted for you a bunch of times, cuz you a super-hot slut. "Boil-ah!"

[Aubrey]

I voted for you, Michael Ian Black!..but You forgot to give a shout-out to the websites creator -- Michael K (Also know as MK). and dlisted.com -- since he's the one who gave you the honor.. well, the fans of his website, actually voted for you but still.. He put you in the mix.

You deserve it.. and I will be voting for you for "Hot Slut of the Year"! Good luck!

[chris]

I would have voted for you, but I didn't know who you were. Now I do and if'n I had a time machine, I'd travel back and rock the vote...

[Sara T.]

Hey there - if youʻre talking about the penguins at the Central Park Zoo (read: Orphan Penguins), then you may be on to something.

Oh, and by the way, I interviewed you once at the Soho Grand Hotel in a cramped hotel room in front of a white background.

[Jaime]

"if I win I promise to do unspeakable things to all of you via web cam."

You heard it hear first! But "unspeakable" makes me nervous. When this happens, just in case, I'm wearing two eye patches and hiding all of my screw drivers. And waterboards.

[Nickel Jean]

Judging by the number of responses (some of which have abbreviations I don't understand), it would seem that being voted "Hot Slut of the Month" is helping you greatly. Just don't forget your original devotees as your star rises. Let me know where to send my check for the Michael Ian Black Penguin-Orphan Foundation.

[Jaime]

"I find myself perplexed and a little touched . . ." I'll bet you do. Slut.

[MICHAEL FAN]

I voted for you because you are AWESOME, Im glad you won, you hot slut of the month!!!

[LunaChick]

I voted for you - congrats! Next it will be Hot Slut of the Year!

[Azali5]

This so better make Best Week Ever - dlisted is the truth. Congrats (I voted for Kate -sorry but she has 8 kids). =)

[tennischick]

Michael, just so you know, I did vote for you. I wasn't quite sure who you were but your face seemed so friendly and familiar-- somewhat Canadian actually -- that my fingers just felt compelled. Congrats slutboy. :D

[Ali]

Hell fucking yes! I voted only for you, Michael. Only YOU deserved the prestigious honor! Be proud.

[Cory]

Congrats MIB!!! I knew you could do it....so the boys and I have been talking...we'd like to see what it would take to get you and Bradley Cooper to redo the scene from "Wet Hot American Summer" (you know the one!!!)...just a thought! Enjoy your new title...it only lasts for a month...unless you win Hot Slut of the YEAR!!! You're totally gonna make it!!!