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June 02, 2008

Some Reasons Why Kitty Cats are Nice

1.    Cute.
2.    Furry.
3.    Adorable mewing sounds.
4.    Helpful with “last bit of milk in container.”
5.    Rarely complain about my robot plans being left out.
6.    De-clawing them allows me to pretend I am doing the old “Bamboo shoots under the fingernails” gag.
7.    Photos of them make great covers for Trapper Keepers.
8.    Never ask what I do for a living.
9.    Do not mind being called “King Wiggle Pickle.”
10.   Are not guilty of destroying the Amazon.
11.   Sneaky but not maliciously so.
12.   Never look down on me for not having read “The Brothers Karamazov.”
13.   Do not object when I torture mice for “science.”
14.   Make funny scampering motions when sprayed with water or Windex.
15.   Activate my allergies in a way that maximizes sneezing, which is kind of like having an orgasm.
16.   Always seem to like whatever music I choose to play.
17.   Don’t get defensive when called fat.
18.   Love “little cardboard thingy on a wire” game as much as I do.
19.   Make great subjects for the viral videos I am forever posting on Funny or Die.
20.   Cannot load or fire a gun.
21.   Agree with everything I say as long as I say it in a high voice.
22.   Never say “Can I come?” when I mention that I am going to spend the day riding the Log Flume.
23.   Look funny in specially designed motorcycle jackets.
24.   Omnivores.
25.   Legitimate descendents of saber-toothed tigers (awesome).
26.   Convenient for eating after nuclear war.

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amber

so true...

dayna

My one and only Trapper Keeper was green and featured three kitty cat faces.

And now I'm a college dropout.

Camille

"14. Make funny scampering motions when sprayed with water or Windex"
Hahaha! I think this one goes hand-in-hand with #20.
This blog reminds me that I haven't worn my embroidered cat vest in a while. Thanks!

Jaime

Wait a minute! Your last post was anti-Bush and here is a kitty cat picture. So are we going to get an Obama article next and maybe some stuff about pizza and Ron Paul or something? You so miss those Reddit guys and gals dontcha'? Ohhhhhhh Michael. So cute. Oh well, good thing I like kitties, because mewing _is_ adorable.

R_Bishop

what the fuck is this?

Bojangles

It's a list about kitties R_Bishop you son of a bitch! And if you don't like it I suggest you put soap in your eyes which will sting and make you cry which is exactly what you should be doing for some reason or another!

Susanna

It's always nice to read about your fondness for pussies.

Z

And a kitty wouldn't hassle you about spelling Karamazov wrong.

Therese

Orgasmic sneezing? Allergy suffers don't know how good they've got it.

TheWiseNoob

Therese
"Orgasmic sneezing? Allergy suffers don't know how good they've got it."

I believe it's sufferers. The Grammar Nazi wouldn't be proud of you.

Therese

Thank you, Wise Noob. But cut me some slack, it was first thing in the morning when I posted it. And I was trying to make myself sneeze at the time.

Tom

No, really, what the fuck is this? De-clawing cats? I thought we'd moved beyond that. I guess airhead celebrities still think it's cool.

Reen

Purrfect.

Ryalye

Yay kitties! But just so you know, it's not wise to go looking for a cat to eat after a nuclear war because most likely they will have turned into a laser cat and will kill you.

me again

Many of these are also reasons why I like you ( #11).

that stoner kid

My cat is malicious, but not sneakily so. More like adorably so.

Zane

How oddly coincidental that I got roped into attending a performance of Cats (of all things!) tonight with my 6 yr old and her classmate. I sneezed a few times during the first act and my friend asked with a wink if I was allergic to cats. (Good one.) Distracted and bored after 10 minutes, I decided that if I concentrated really hard, perhaps I could move only my pinky toes without moving any other toes (I couldn't). I fidgeted a bunch, tried to want to get into understanding the play but couldn't come up with any reason for why they did anything at all up there, someone sang Memory and I thought of Betty Buckley and then I carried my sleeping child home. It is always an exciting time here in San Diego. Just wanted you all to know what you were missing. Losers!

Liv

Your take on kitties is similar to my take on children, particularly the "convenient for eating after nuclear war" bit. Afterwards, the skin can be used for little edible luggage. You know. For the long trip to Mars.

Jenny. bloggess

You are sick.

Cat's are like the scavenger fish of the world so if you ate them after a nuclear war you would be eating all the radiation they've collected. Also, you'll be eating all the cats they've had sex with and all the cats those cats have had sex with. Then you'd really be sick. And not in that good way like right before you turn into a vampire and your mortal body has to die so you can be all kick-ass. The bad way of dying where you get all hurty and then choke on your own vomit from eating contaminated cats.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should not eat cats after a nuclear war.

PS. You are like super famous and you only have 19 comments on your blog. The hell? It's kind of freaking me out a little.

Rach

True, most cats cannot load and fire a gun.
Most.
Let's not forget those adorably freakish pterodactyls; already a crack shot, radiation will likely only improve their skills with firearms.

Jordan

Like, five kinds of awesome.

Jenny

My thoughts:

7. Photos of them make great covers for Trapper Keepers. (you had one of those too?!)
10. Are not guilty of destroying the Amazon. (yet.)
11. Sneaky but not maliciously so. (disagreed sir. i had a cat once that we named midnight [shut up i know] and we had to end up changing it's name to Satan for the exact reasons you're thinking. true story.)
14. Make funny scampering motions when sprayed with water or Windex. (i love doing that!!)
15. Activate my allergies in a way that maximizes sneezing, which is kind of like having an orgasm. (i have said this for years! but srsly, 8 sneezes= 1 O. waiting for someone to tell me this happened to them once. please blog about it if you achieve this.)
17. Don’t get defensive when called fat.
21. Agree with everything I say as long as I say it in a high voice.
23. Look funny in specially designed motorcycle jackets. (oh, that is so true.)
24. Omnivores. (awesome.)
25. Legitimate descendents of saber-toothed tigers (awesome). (you bet your ass)
26. Convenient for eating after nuclear war. (and sometimes before)
---
there were tears in my eyes. nice.

http://www.petloverspalace.com

In response to Tom.I feel the same way my wife and I clip our 42 cats,we do have 1 that was droped off to us declawed.I am aginst Declawing unless It is medically necessary.

Air Jordan 13

He has made his weapons his gods.
When his weapons win he is defeated himself. O(∩_∩)O~

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