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June 13, 2008

See You Later, Don

165043__cheadle_l Today is my last day in Los Angeles, and while I will certainly miss the filthy air, brush fires, and bumper to bumper traffic, I will miss one thing most of all: Don Cheadle. Like a lot of actors, Don makes his home here in Los Angeles and while we have never met, I have friends who are friends with Don, which is almost like being friends with him myself. Maybe you are thinking, "If you don't know him, why will you miss Don Cheadle so much?" To which I respond: "If you'd seen 'Hotel Rwanda' you would know exactly why." Then I would ask, "Why are you such a racist?" I saw Don Cheadle last night at the poker emporium where I ply my trade. I lost some money last night, and I think Don did too because he was leaving empty-handed, which is to say, he didn't cash out any poker chips. The difference between Don and myself is that, when I lost, I began blubbering at the table. I was crying, rocking back and forth, and letting the snot stream down my nose like a burbling mountain stream. Don, on the other hand, didn't even seem perturbed. Maybe that's because he has a lot of money and so can afford to lose a hundred and forty-six dollars, whereas for me that kind of money represents about a significant portion of my total net worth. But I don't think that was the reason. I think it had something to do with an innate coolness under pressure that separates us. Some kind of mystical Zen-like approach to life that probably explains why he is an international movie star and I am hosting a fake reality show on Comedy Central. No, I don't think it has anything to do with "talent," because on a pound for pound basis I think we can all agree that I am a far better actor than Don Cheadle. For example, when I was doing Sierra Mist commercials, there was one where a hawk landed on Jim Gaffigan's head. Even though I was sitting right next to that hawk, I didn't freak out and start screaming "HAWK! HAWK! HAWK!" Would Don Cheadle have had that kind of self-control? I don't think so. See? Talent only takes you so far. So I'll see you later Don. Good luck with poker and being an Academy Award winning actor. While you're doing all that I'll be at home fighting with my wife. I think I've got the better end of the deal.

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josh

My dad played poker with Don once, and said he was a cool guy. During their conversation Don turned to my dad and said "You know that Michael Ian Black. He is fucking all that and a bag of Taco Dorito Chips". His words.

Ted

Could you beat Don Cheadle in poker?

Also, my friend is getting married next weekend and I need a date to his wedding. You should be that date.

This is an actual invitation.

Chris

Give the people what they wany: a "Michael Ian Black--All poker, all the time" blog with daily updates, hand histories and the works. I could die a happy man at that point.

Susanna

That is one sexy picture of Don Cheadle. If he was looking at you like that during your poker game, I can totally understand why neither of you won.

P.S. Nice job on Reno 911 last night

Reen

"I didn't freak out and start screaming "HAWK! HAWK! HAWK!"

You funny funny man.

I like that pic of Don - he is *almost* sucking his finger tip. Never pegged Don for one coy boy toy, but there you have it.

I hope your flight is uneventful, your homecoming warm, and that your favorite ragtime band plays at your next parade.

Ethereal Zoe

Don Cheadle always reminds me of Tim Meadows. Except a bit cuter and not a comic. So don't focus on Don. Focus on Tim. I bet you're doing way better than Tim Meadows is!

Well, maybe. Actually, I haven't seen Tim Meadows on TV since he cameoed as P.K. Winsome on the Colbert Report. I also don't know if he plays poker or if he fights with his wife (if, indeed, he has one).

I DO know he is NOT hosting a fake reality show on ANY network, nor does he have a loyal blog following. So, there ya go. You win!

Matt

I love poker blogs. They are my favorites. The burbling mountain stream had me laughing. Ok, enough commenting, back to Full Tilt.

Justin

Just want to say to Ian that this article and his recent Doritos rant are fully responsible for my pre-order of your new book. And to the other 10 or so people that read this blog, you TOO should pre-order the book. (Remember you can cancel it before it ships)

And where can I suggest ideas for Run Fat Boy Run 2 and Run Fat Boy Run 3. I won't say much else here, but to get you pumped, Part 3 is set in the Old West. The Time Machine works on running.

Camille

Hey, I have a similar portrait of Don Imus at my summer home in Branson!
That was an extended LA visit,no? Don't get go getting all "Hollywood" on us now!

So do you fight War of the Roses style?

Beth

Please go to the wedding with Ted. Then after the wedding, challange all of the wedding guests to a game of poker. Blog all events. Thank you.

-Mom

Jaime

Ha! My friend just made fun of me for mixing up Don and Tim. I am forwarding him a link to this blog to prove that, according to Zoe, I am not insane.

Or, at least, not alone in my insanity. Thanks Zoe. This blog is all kinds of useful.

Felicia

What possessed Don to pose for that pic? It's awesome, but he seems like the "do the promos" (or whateverthehell you all call it) kinda guy and I can't think of a movie this goes with.

Maybe Boogie Nights but not cheesy 70s porn enough.

Indrid

I know a lot of wimminfolk and probably a few fellers who would like to see Denzel in this pose, but it may never have occurred to them that Don might end up being the guy playing all coy for the camera. Go figure. And what's with the design on his arm? Is that a tat?

I Love The Millenium

Michael - this video!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5syes_kathy-lee-had-2-go

She sure did have to go. (And my goodness-gracious you LOOK fabulous)


C. Baines

Why are you leaving LA? TMZ cameras bothering you?

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