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June 26, 2008

I’ve Never Been Happier Than I Am Right At This Very Minute

This is a great minute. Honestly, of all my minutes, this one probably ranks as #1. Why? For starters, I’m sitting in an ergonomic chair that seems to have been expressly designed with my personal comfort in mind. Also, lunch was very good: chicken curry salad and borscht. You wouldn’t think those two things would go together, but they did. So that’s great. And that itchy dermatological abnormality on my fingers that’s been bothering me the last few days doesn’t seem quite as itchy as it did only a few minutes ago. Those minutes were also good, but the itchy finger definitely kept them out off my “Top Minutes of 2008” List, let alone my “All-Time Top Minutes” list. I have found that any minute in which “itchy” plays a prominent role does not stand much of a chance of making any “Best Minute” lists. Also, the radio station I’ve got on is playing “Come On, Eileen,” which is one of my favorite songs, so it’s possible that the good feelings from this minute could carry right over to the next minute, which begins very shortly.

As suspected, this new minute is also very, very good. Is it #1? Not sure yet. The chair is still comfortable, lunch was still good, etc. But now I feel like for this minute to supplant the previous minute something amazing has to happen. Like maybe a warm summer breeze across my sun-dappled face. But considering that it’s pretty humid out and my face is not currently sun-dappled, it seems unlikely that such a breeze and such a dappling will materialize. I also feel like, because I made such a big deal out of the last minute, that this minute is at a real disadvantage because the stakes are so much higher. I honestly wasn’t expecting to have a #1 minute a minute ago. It was one of those things that just hit me, like a happy punch in the face. So, inevitably, this minute has been something of a letdown. As such, it is quickly falling down the list of “Best Minutes,” and onto the list of "Minutes Not Worth Remembering 2008," which is actually making me reevaluate my previous minute because if that minute hadn’t been so good, this minute wouldn’t seem so bad in comparison. In a sense, that last minute ruined every subsequent minute, which makes me think that last minute was, in essence, fool’s good.

Now I’m angry at my #1 minute for flaunting it’s #1ness all over the place. It's like it got all dressed up in one of those tuxedo t-shirts and went parading all over time going, "Look at me!" Why does that last minute think it’s so much better than every other minute?  I’m supposed to think my #1 minute was so great because I ate some fucking beet soup? C’mon minute, you’ve got to do better than that. Fuck that minute. Fuck borscht. Fuck ergonomics. Fuck Dexy's Midnight Runners. And fuck this minute too.

I wonder if I have OCD.


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And one more thing you slut, Einstein had ADD. So.


Dammit,Renee! You beat me to the punch on that one. Um...so did Lewis and Clark(supposedly).

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