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June 20, 2008

Help Me Defeat David Sedaris

Sedaris_2 In my desperate bid to dismantle that mo-fo David Sedaris's lock on all things "best-selling," I am putting out the word to all my web pals: help me.

If you have any suggestions about how to get the word out about my new book, "My Custom Van," let me know. Maybe you host a popular blog and would like an interview. I can do that. Maybe you pilot a skywriting airplane and want to volunteer your services. Super. Maybe you are one of the Presidential candidates and want to plug the title of my book into your stump speech. That's a great idea. Or maybe you just want to ring the doorbells of strangers to spread the good news like a Jehovah's Witness.

I could come up with suggestions all day, but that would take the fun out of it for you. So join me. Together, we can defeat David Sedaris and send him packing back to his glittering life in Paris, France.

P.S. Why does David Sedaris hate America?

[NOTE: Sedaris's wildly inappropriate feud with me continues here.]


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As Susanna said: Write Hard.

These blogs were a treat.

Can't believe someone hasn't commented on this already: Davids nostrils are way larger than yours. Furthermore, can he scat? I mean like YOU can?

Congratulations on your book flying up the Casey Kasem's Amazon Charts.




Sorry but you aren't witty enough to carry Sedaris' shoes. Quit before you embarrass yourself.

Hope this is mutual joke.

A curmudgeon


Don't try David Sedaris is a great writer


This could be a historical battle of the wits. Here's to hoping it ends the same way as Tim Burton and Kevin Smith's with Michael writing "Fuck David Sedaris" on copies of his book..

Sternwell Bilbous

You need a title that outsells your name. My Custom Van? Awful.

I suggest the title 'Me Kidnap David Sedaris One Day.'

It is a title that allows you to keep the creepy feelings customized vans incite and have some of Mr. Sedaris's fanbase attempting to discover your nefarious plans.

Nickel Jean

Don't you mean "Me Kidnap David Spedaris One Day"?


I'll put the name of your book on my lady face if you want. I also have a shitty blog if you're picking up what I'm putting down.

The Tizzle

So,I got it. Piss off as many people who would NEVER buy the book(people with no sense of humour) and you will draw in people who would. The Youtube video IS the ticket. Say the following and you will be a youtube sensation/people will buy the book.
1) Buying a David Sedaris book will give all babies born that day AIDS.
2) Buying the new Micheal Ian Black book would cure those babies.
3) David Sedaris called your mother fat.
4)Micheal Ian Black thinks your mom is shapely in all the right places.
5) The new Michael Ian Black book IS Oprah's favorite thing.
6)David Sedaris voted for Bush...TWICE!
7) Micheal Ian Black only voted for Bush once. He was wayyy drunk. But,as a responsible christian,he pulled out at the last minute. So,it doesn't count.
8) The new David Sedaris book is on Bin-Ladens must read list for summer.
9) Bin-Laden has never seen 'Wet Hot American Summer'
10)David Sedaris is the reason why gas prices are so high!
11) Michael Ian Black sold his car to write this book.
12)David Sedaris made america's princess,Britney,go off her med's.
13)Michael Ian Black is the real father of those kids.
14)The new David Sedaris book is made of fine,perched and aged maple.
15)Michael Ian Black is saving the world! The new book is printed on material made from used diapers and Starbucks cups.

The Tizzle

Also,if you don't want to shoot this for youtube,I can do it for you. In fact,I would love to.

Nathan Myers

There is only one way forward for you. You must tease him for being gay. Say "David Sedaris is just so gay!" to all your friends. Your friends will all agree. They will repeat this to their friends. Soon all will know that David Sedaris really is just too gay. Then you will be poised to strike.

What's that you say? Oh. Never mind.



I'm having your baby.

Call me.

da vinnie code

ummm..hey - heres a way,..write a better book - i know,i know - outlandish!!


David Sedaris kicked a dog once, that dog's name was Goo.

Jeremy Pepper

Hey, I have two blogs. One's about to launch (and will be supported by an email newsletter with a bunch of readers), the other is well-read in it's niche.

And, well, it's all in LA so treat you to lunch.

Oh, and Acapulco (see, I watch the shows you're on).

me again

One more - You should go on The Sound of Young America. It seems like your target audience, plus I love it.

Daniel O'Brien

Dan O'Brien from Cracked.com here. Not being a stranger to irrational, baseless feuds, I fully support this and am interested in interviewing you for my wildly popular Cracked Column, (Fridays at 8am, Ladies and Gentlemen!).


and if you want to continue the love, I could interview you! I have lots of friends/readers on comedy communities and i'm doing a little documentary thing (independent) about the kids in the hall. i'd feature it on our myspace, et. al.

plus the youtube thing is gold.


I'd love to interview you on my blog.(though um, not exactly 'wildly' popular, and there's the Amazon link featuring David Sedaris on the right side...he's AWESOME! A-W-E-S-O-M-E.) but his could be replaced with a link to your book if you'll do the interview. Because I am good with whoring out my blog for self promotion.


That's actually a really good photo of Sedaris, by the way. Sexy SCARY Sedaris, there! Like the 'French froggy pickpocket' Sedaris. You had to have selected that hot photo because you have a mad secret crush. Otherwise you'd have put some nose picking or hot dog eating or perhaps a sneaked photo of David's constipated face while in a bathroom stall photo. Bet you have a dirty one of him hanging in a medicine cabinet somewhere.

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