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June 24, 2008

Announcing the First Ever “Transform David Spedaris Into A Supervillain” Contest

[NOTE: If you are new to David Sedaris's unprovoked feud with me, you can start by reading here.]

This is some exciting, exciting stuff. In my quest to rid the best-seller lists of all things Spedaris, I am pleased to announce this contest, which was created by my friend and blog-helper Steve Huff.

The idea is so simple it’s genius: take any photo of the cigarette-devouring David Sedaris and, using whatever media are at your disposal, alter that photo in such a way as to transform the internationally esteemed memoirist and beloved NPR contributor into a supervillain.

What kind of supervillain? That, Dear Reader, is up to you.

I will announce the top three finalists on July 2nd.  Then, two days later, on July 4th, the birthday of the greatest country in the world – a country which Mr. Sedaris has shunned for the Nutella-loving shores of France - I will announce the Grand Prize Winner!

What does that person win? The greatest prize in the history of prizes, that’s what: an autographed copy of my new book, “My Custom Van (and 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face”)! I will personally have my assistant make it out to you with the inscription of your choice. PLUS, you will also receive a gift certificate to Bath & Body Works for twelve dollars. Truly an amazing, amazing prize. Total retail value: over fifteen dollars!!!

Please name your Spedaris supervillain and include a brief description of whatever super-villain powers he may possess.

To submit: either post your entry (entries?) to your image hosting account (like flickr or photobucket), then post a link to the image in the comment section of my blog.

Or you can send it to randomlunatic@gmail.com as an attachment and put "David Sedaris Supervillain" in the heading.

Good luck, Godspeed, and may the best David Spedaris Supervillain Portraitist win.


(He's even starting to LOOK French!)


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"The Dreaded Coprophagiac"


His superpower is to ingest incredibly large amount of poop. The ultimate goal of The Dreaded Coprophagiac is to destroy the Earth by eating the world's supply of feces. He has a lifelong dream of snacking on the defecation of Michael Ian Black (rumored to be the greatest tasting poop), but Mr. Black has refused this request on several occasions. The existence of this villain raises a philosophical query: when David Spedaris eats poo, is it considered cannibalism?


"The Naziddler"


After being bitten by a radioactive Hitler, Spedaris became The Naziddler. He commits hate crimes and poses anti-semitic riddles. The Naziddler also has the power to emit a deadly gas from his body.

Lou Sedaris

Come down to Raleigh and I'll give you something to whine about.

Paul Sedaris

Fuck that shit, this shit don't mean fuck to me.


I have yet to be wowed.


Based on my favorite villain of all time.

Hope this little bit of propaganda helps! Go USA! Yeah!



this is my entry. it's pretty self-explanatory.


I vote for Calvin's 2 entries.

Kelsey Free

He didn't need much to look evil. I had to throw in a pic of something else that is evil.....




Dastardly Gaston Devereux is a world-renowned pâtisserie artiste who fled the US at a young age and now resides in the French countryside. He is embarrassed about his humble American roots so he changed his name from Greg Davis. He is always accompanied by his co-hort, Pierre-Michel LeFleur, an evil winged monkey with a thirst for red wine and full-flavored cigarettes. He has no power, as he gets Pierre-Michel to do his dirty work for him.


"The French Tickler" (Le Tickléur Français)


The French Tickler uses the multitude of fingers protruding from various areas of his body to preform erotic tickling on his unsuspecting victims. His fingers attempt to defile and corrupt America's youth as he strives to destroy these almighty United States through perversion. The Tickler hopes that the bad touch of his dirty fingers will warp the minds of our innocent children until this great nation is as vile as his beloved France.

eric anderson

Here is Sedaris the Saucy Sailer. He lores men from the harbor deep into the belly of his ship. Then, when he knows the coast is clear, he bores the shit out of them with stories about his childhood.



Hey Eric your link doesn't work. :-(

Cat, put a description of his super powers - yours are funny too!

eric anderson

Thanks Reen!

Here is Saderis the Saucy Sailer:


- Eric



Knowing your love for Taco Doritos, I made sure to include that part of Spedaris' villany.

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