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June 24, 2008

Announcing the First Ever “Transform David Spedaris Into A Supervillain” Contest

[NOTE: If you are new to David Sedaris's unprovoked feud with me, you can start by reading here.]

This is some exciting, exciting stuff. In my quest to rid the best-seller lists of all things Spedaris, I am pleased to announce this contest, which was created by my friend and blog-helper Steve Huff.

The idea is so simple it’s genius: take any photo of the cigarette-devouring David Sedaris and, using whatever media are at your disposal, alter that photo in such a way as to transform the internationally esteemed memoirist and beloved NPR contributor into a supervillain.

What kind of supervillain? That, Dear Reader, is up to you.

I will announce the top three finalists on July 2nd.  Then, two days later, on July 4th, the birthday of the greatest country in the world – a country which Mr. Sedaris has shunned for the Nutella-loving shores of France - I will announce the Grand Prize Winner!

What does that person win? The greatest prize in the history of prizes, that’s what: an autographed copy of my new book, “My Custom Van (and 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face”)! I will personally have my assistant make it out to you with the inscription of your choice. PLUS, you will also receive a gift certificate to Bath & Body Works for twelve dollars. Truly an amazing, amazing prize. Total retail value: over fifteen dollars!!!

Please name your Spedaris supervillain and include a brief description of whatever super-villain powers he may possess.

To submit: either post your entry (entries?) to your image hosting account (like flickr or photobucket), then post a link to the image in the comment section of my blog.

Or you can send it to randomlunatic@gmail.com as an attachment and put "David Sedaris Supervillain" in the heading.

Good luck, Godspeed, and may the best David Spedaris Supervillain Portraitist win.


(He's even starting to LOOK French!)


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Chief Fever Nuts

Team Sedaris, isn't that a bit more of a Perez Hilton take on the situation?

Anyway. This link is on Fark now. Yay?




Try again.


Shut-up MC, I equal you squared.

Color Crayon

Why can't I ever just have a moment in glory?

Todd from australia

Team Sedaris, why don't you go and eat some shit


Oops, forgot to include his super-villain powers.

Darth Sedaris uses Jedi mind tricks to get people to buy his books.



David Spedaris, the lisping thuper villian (not even really) from France. He carries a tasteless hard baguette that shoots out slimy escargot and snotty literary witticisms. Making her debut, his side kick, Fifi the Fleabag, blinds unsuspecting readers with her lazer beam eyes so that everyone in America thinks D.S. is worth reading. But he's not. He's not even a very famous celebrity (like Michael Ian Black).


Come to D.C., you bum!

Chief Fever Nuts

Be nice to MC. Even the slow kids are allowed to play this game. I bet MC also thinks Stephen Colbert is the alternative for conservatives who find Bill O'Reilly too liberal.

Team Sedaris

I WILL eat shit when Michael Ian Black outsells David Sedaris. Because guess what, it's not happening!

MIB and his fans ("blackheads") are just jealous.

Sedaris contributes to This American Life. Black contributes to some show about rabbits. Sedaris tells humorous anecdotes about his childhood. Black tells dick jokes.

I think we all know who is superior.


This one didn't even need much doing to it:


Amy Sedaris

It was funny at first, Michael-now it's veering to patheticsville.

Uh-uh. That's not Amy Sedaris.

The sentence structure is all messed up - "...veering TO patheticsville"? Amy would write veering TOWARDS patheticsville. And furthermore, she would capitalize "patheticsville" as that is supposedly the name of a pathetic village. A village the poster clearly lives in (or within 15 miles of).

Now back to our regularly scheduled program, which is, for many: "I Love The Millenium"!

(And all because of Cosmo slurping dirty talking you).

Sean B.

Time-Traveling Body-Snatching David Spedaris part 4, the abduction.



Let me first suggest that I strongly recommend you perform extensive background checks in the future.
Here's my stab at it:
strengths:morphing , cat-like reflexes, "satirical brazenness",exquisite fashion sense, horrendous gas
weaknesses:anything Justin Timberlake, Drakkar, French pastries,horrendous gas
Will stop at nothing to dethrone top authors and often does it by morphing into a seemingly friendly domestic employee,ready and willing to sabotage lives and careers. Especially lethal when able to wear really gay, old-timey costumes.http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g319/javaship/?action=view¤t=trythis.jpg

Chief Fever Nuts

Camille, could you re-post that link? I think it was truncated.

Chief Fever Nuts

Thank you =)



Piérre Spedaris. Loves: baguettes, gallagher dvds, crack and diapers. Hates: Michael Ian Black, vaginas, America.

Superpowers: Ability to think he is funny.




David Sedaris by day... Monsieur Capitain Le Grand Français by night! As you can see, he is accompanied, as always, by his henchman Garçon the Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey.

He commands the amazing power to belittle himself and yet still remain pompous and better than vous in every conceivable way.

He refuses to laugh at your... how you say... jokes and puts question marks at the end of... how you say... delcarative sentences?

He has escaped capture numerous times by conjuring a doppelganger of his sister, causing his pursuers to immediately stop and debate whether she's hot or not or was or never was. Generally, they agree on from behind and a 6-pack.

Hugh Hamrick

Hugh is about ready to bust your >>ass<<, Michael Ian Blank.


I think Hugh meant to say 'tap' your ass.

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