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June 25, 2008

A Blatant Attempt to Draw New Readers to My Blog By Using Popular Search Terms as They Appear in Real Time on Dogpile.com’s SearchSpy Feature

“What happens if I mix Paxil with alcohol?” I wondered to myself one day, while working on my collaborative mail art. Yes, it had been a long day in the Chesapeake Bay Area, but my Yankee custom truck cap was still fresh, my Okuma saltwater rods were still in order, and my Subaru 2.5i speed parts were ready to go.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. It was the topless Olson twins.

“Come in,” I said, gesturing towards my free full length incest movies, “Let’s wrap ourselves in the Serenity bath towel collection and have a cum party."

They giggled, and sat. Did I have any advice about treating poison ivy, they asked. “No,” I said, “but I’ve got some rainbow lightning bolt clip art that will blow your mind.”

We had a good laugh about that, then read the Bette Midler 2008 review in the Richmond Times Dispatch. Ashley wondered if she was displaying any stomach cancer symptoms but Mary Kate and I assured her that it was just her pancreas location, and that a good lymphatic cleanse would make her feel good as new.

After a heated discussion about the Season 2 winner of Tila Tequila’s “Shot of Love,” we called it a night. They left me with a quote from the Tarahumara Indians of Mexico, which went something like this, “Wide oak knotty flooring and free violent commix will never replace the Tecumseh engine diagram when it comes to hot 13 yr. old guys.” I didn’t understand what the fuck they were talking about, but they were topless, so I let it go.

As I closed the door, I took out my pineapple slicer and thought about all the free legal advice I could have given them. I watched a quick teen home-made video, put on my republic of tea t-shirt, turned off the lights, and went to sleep. That night, my dreams were filled with foot doctors in Orlando.

[NOTE: You can watch Dogpile.com's Search Spy feature here.]

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Camille

ooh,oooooooh! I'M firsties!

Leave it to you to think of innovative ways to find blog muses. Kinda like Madlibs.
Sold!

JenN

That was awesome.

Camille

Since you enjoy searching for yourself on the internets, have you ever done a search at Flickr? There are some great photos at that site:)

Susanna

Pure brilliance!! You've become quite a blog-reader hungry whore, but I sure do love it. It's like watering a seed and watching it grow into a 7 foot tall flower. Bloom, sir, BLOOM!

Erika

I have Serenity bath towels, too! I love that Mal.

Marie

HAHAHA I love you los MIBS.

Chief Fever Nuts

I know we all love variety, but that was too funny to not try it sometime with Google trends:

http://www.google.com/trends

Melissa

Imagine David Spedaris doing the above exercise, then him reading it smug and nasal voice. Ew. You = win, win, win!

Also, would you consider adding an L.A. book tour stop? (Imagine me asking this in a voice that makes it sound like my question will actually be seriously considered.) Some people in L.A. still read!

Tabitha Stevens

You can use those attributes to draw them to your blog as well...

http://gawker.com/tag/q&a/?i=5020508&t=my-interview-with-michael-ian-black

Finally, you get it.

(I think)

Your Number One Fan

Just to let you know, if you are trying to get more readers from top Google searches, you should actually try to spell "Olsen" right...

It's only cause I love you that I point out your flaws, Michael Ian Black!

(BTW - you TOTALLY carried "I Love The New Millennium" - and for that, I love you even more!)

:D

Abbey Harper

I was brought here today because you were killing me on "I love the new millenium". You have a new reader.

courtney

I really want someone to admit that they found your site b/c they were googling any of those embarrassing/trendy items.

But i have to agree with Abbey (above) and add that I also love "I am a wonderful man"- f'n hilarious.

Loved you on Millenium!  Can you have my babies? OMG I cant believe you're married! You rock! Stella
..was a great show, why was it cancelled? <3 you! Comment back!

Your site cut off my entirely unique screen name.

Odin

Your logic to follow a google trail is mathematically sound.

rob

That is the first step. Now you have to spam all of the social news sites like reddit, digg, propeller, and newsvine with those phrases in the title.

Hoarceper

I'm new to this blog. Apologize for asking this though, but to OP... Do you know if this can be true; http://www.bluestickers.info/ringtones.php ? it came off http://ringtonecarrier.com Thanks :)

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