Last night I did a show at USC, which is why I am currently in Los Angeles (and because I have some BIG IMPORTANT HOLLYWOOD MEETINGS!!!*). I thought the show was good last night, although it ended up costing me forty dollars because there was a very sweet guy in the audience who got dressed up in a suit to see me (referencing Stella), and was obviously very into this girl he brought to the show. When he went to the bathroom in the middle of the performance, I asked the girl if they were boyfriend/girlfriend. She broke into laughter like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. Far funnier than anything else I had said in the show to that point. "No, no, no...," she insisted. They are not boyfriend/girlfriend and could never BE boyfriend/girlfriend, despite the fact that were both attractive, unattached young people When the guy got back, I first pointed out that he hadn't buttoned his pants (which was weird), and then I asked him if he'd like her to be his girlfriend. He basically said "yeah," and then I told him that we'd been talking about him while he was gone and that I got the impression she was open to the idea. (Exactly opposite of what she had said.) At that point somebody in the audience yelled out that I was being a dick, and after thinking about it for a second I realized I was being a dick because I was setting up this guy for grievous emotional injury, so I brought him up on stage and gave him twenty dollars to take her out to dinner. He rightfully pointed out that twenty dollars was not enough for dinner, so I gave him another twenty. And just like that I was out forty bucks. I made them promise that they would actually use the money to go out to dinner and not just split it between them. I have no way of knowing if they did go out to dinner, but I feel pretty confident that I helped two lovely people make a love connection.
(*Big important Hollywood meetings is code for "going to the casino and playing poker.")