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May 02, 2008

USC

Last night I did a show at USC, which is why I am currently in Los Angeles (and because I have some BIG IMPORTANT HOLLYWOOD MEETINGS!!!*). I thought the show was good last night, although it ended up costing me forty dollars because there was a very sweet guy in the audience who got dressed up in a suit to see me (referencing Stella), and was obviously very into this girl he brought to the show. When he went to the bathroom in the middle of the performance, I asked the girl if they were boyfriend/girlfriend. She broke into laughter like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. Far funnier than anything else I had said in the show to that point. "No, no, no...," she insisted. They are not boyfriend/girlfriend and could never BE boyfriend/girlfriend, despite the fact that were both attractive, unattached young people When the guy got back, I first pointed out that he hadn't buttoned his pants (which was weird), and then I asked him if he'd like her to be his girlfriend. He basically said "yeah," and then I told him that we'd been talking about him while he was gone and that I got the impression she was open to the idea. (Exactly opposite of what she had said.) At that point somebody in the audience yelled out that I was being a dick, and after thinking about it for a second I realized I was being a dick because I was setting up this guy for grievous emotional injury, so I brought him up on stage and gave him twenty dollars to take her out to dinner. He rightfully pointed out that twenty dollars was not enough for dinner, so I gave him another twenty. And just like that I was out forty bucks. I made them promise that they would actually use the money to go out to dinner and not just split it between them. I have no way of knowing if they did go out to dinner, but I feel pretty confident that I helped two lovely people make a love connection.

(*Big important Hollywood meetings is code for "going to the casino and playing poker.")

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Comments

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Jaime

Awww, what a sweetheart you is. Forcing love between the unloved and well dressed. Good for you.

I like that you stop and reflect on your dickery. That makes you most non-dickish. Most dicks tend not to ponder dick behavior. They just continue dicking around. Good job not really being a dick.

Reen

First some very necessary questions: Which Casino? When will you be there today - round abouts? What table will you sit at?

You're so open and fearless with your schedule/location lately your fun to tease. Let me rephrase: *I* have fun teasing - pretty sure *you're* rolling your eyes.

Your monetary gift redeemed you. You gave freely to the suited man and the woman he is the suitor of, which suited them just fine.

So, see? It's like Jaime said, you're not *really* a dick. Maybe a little crusty on the outside but just a big ole softie on the inside! Like a Long John Silvers hush puppy! (Which are DEEElicious with a sprinkling of Malt Vinegar.)

More bloggies if you're bored, because I sure am. Not bored of your bloggage...I NEED your bloggage to drive away the boredom. So: FEED. MEEEE. SEEEYMMMOOUURRR.

(Good God).

Camille

Hehe, I read Renee's comment "you're like a big ol' souffle' on the inside. " Then I thought"he's not full of air and flour,sugar...whatever souffles are made from..." .
I suppose a souffle IS crusty on the outside and soft on the inside. I can't be sure since I've never had one. I'm not that refined.
(commence to eye rolling)

Susanna

Hopefully you won that $40 back by going to the casino and playing poker.

Jess

Well you should be happy to know that he did end up taking one of his crush's out, Nick, hope you had fun with zak ;)

Nick

Michael,

First of all, thanks for the $40. It will be spent on two fillets at the Sizzler on the other side of Figueroa. Second, let me say I've talked with the girl in question and she remembers things a little differently. (Not going to get into specifics, but it's good news for me).

Still love you,
Nick

me again

Awww, that's sweet. You guys should totally get married because it would make a good story.

Michael Ian Black: bringing people together, one comedy show at a time.

Greg

MIB,
Kudos! You have done for Nick what all his friends have been trying to do for Nick for ages (set him up). See Nick's a sweetie at heart but his relentless pun making... (he's a self labeled "punny guy") just makes it a bit difficult is all. So thanks again for making the impossible possible and all of that grand old stuff...
Love,
-Greg

Therese

I'm late to this blog party, but have to agree with most of what's previously been said. Except the crusty on the outside part. You look like you exfoliate regularly.

Jenny

see, on the inside you're selfless. and also, i like the word dick.

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