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May 29, 2008

Some Advice on How to Deal With Stress

Life is so busy these days. Consequently, we all face stress. Even me. Yes, I’m a busy celebrity whose days are filled with glamour, but I find it’s important to take a little “me” time each day to do a little activity that anybody, even you, can afford. Daydreaming.

Daydreaming is like a little vacation in your brain, or “Braincation.” Bored at work? Take a five minute Braincation to the sandy beaches of Mexico’s Cozumel. Follow that up with a couple of real bottles of icy cold beer, and soon work won’t feel so boring.

Or maybe you’re a parent dealing with a couple excitable toddlers. Do yourself a favor: put the kids in front of the TV for a few minutes and take a Braincation to the top of a snowy mountain. Schuss down the slopes, taking the time to enjoy the view as you descend to the lodge below. Then open your eyes and chase down that Braincation with a steaming cup of Irish coffee or two. The kids will be a lot more manageable after that, believe me.

Here’s something I do when I’m feeling stressed by autograph seekers and hangers-on. I excuse myself to my hotel suite, sit cross-legged on the floor, and imagine myself floating in a hot air balloon over an African savannah. “Look down there, a pride of lions!” “And over there, a funny hippopotamus wallowing in the mud.” To augment this braincation, I like a bottle of very good champagne. The whole bottle. When I emerge from my hotel suite a few minutes later, I feel refreshed and ready to face the world.

It’s so important to take time for yourself throughout the day. If you find yourself short on time, you can skip the mental imagery and just go straight for the booze. If I’m being honest, that’s what I usually do. Who wants to see a fucking hippo, anyway?

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C

... Better than cancun.

Camille

So hows about you schedule a book signing in KC Sept.26th and I can see you and Gaffigan on the same day? Only then shall I be convinced you're not the same person.

Camille

Was your previous batch of distasteful comments one of my braincations?Surely not...but I'm glad they're gone.

Camille

Okay,I don't know what's going on with this site, but if the two responses I left recently show up, I'm way over my 2-comments per blog limit.

dumbass

Ah,I see....second page for comments....

Jaime

Yes, I personally plan on taking your stress relief advice right away. I have a whole brown paper sack of clinking stress relief in my kitchen right now based on your blog. Time for my braincation.

Oh, and single mothers have nothing on our ill-fated fame-stricken Michael. I mean, with notoriety comes painful chronic hand cramps (from constant signing and waving), and near blindness from the blazing bulbs of Paparazzi, plus, of course, with the countless hand job offers he received in his previous posts, I have no doubts that his wiener probably hurts too. Chafing sisters. Ouch. Now, how many single mothers can you safely say have to deal with the same debilitating hand cramps, flashbulb blindness, _and_ hand-job-induced sore wiener syndrome? Not enough. Michael: 1, Single Moms: nothing.

(Drink something already [not beer]. You need to relieve some stress!)

Friend

Braincations=Awesome
Booze=Awesomer

And I think 2 pages of comments means Michael has reached fucking mega uber celebrity status.

Barry the sagittarius.

Barry you know what time it is?

It's braincation time..

awwwwwww yeaaaahh...

Che

Like you MIB I'm a big celebrity, much bigger than you; however I can only attribute this humble state of play to taking Chucky (Mr Norris to you) on my trips to watch savanna procreation (I prefer armadillos). His vivacious yet insouscient bearing is an absolute breath of fresh air! Ponder on this MIB and fame will slip under the door mat and snuggle up in a warm embrace.

mette

Braincation for me is Late Night with Conan, and other stupid tv shows. In fact, braincation is the reason why I know who the fuck you are.

So yeah. Go braincation.

me again

This is like the hate mail post all over again! I think it's funny. Who has time to discover this blog, read this blog, comment on this blog, JUST to say something negative?? Losers, that's who.

Of course, one may also ask, who has time to comment regularly on said basic cable comedian's blog? And that answer would be awesome people.

God, I need a braincation from all these tards.

Reen

I'm not a woman that likes to swear but: what in tarnation?

I came on to comment on your funny daydream your way drunk blog but now I feel as if I'd just be adding to the "fandom gone wild" mess.

I do have a new daydream, I guess. I shall dream of the past when this happy site was free of all things "turds". And I shall also dream of the day that said turds find a new punchbowl to float in.

Dreaming. Dreaming is free.

Bobby

Why's everyone hatin'? Braincation is my new favorite word, by the way. And I will from now on use it as a euphemism for alcoholism.

MIB #2 Fan

Hey MIB, I used to be your number 1. But then I found out that you really not funny. Sorry.

Ibod Catooga

Sumbitch you ate my battleship!

Chuck

Some joke. Oh sure I'll just go unplug grandpa from the hospital bed so I can afford your champagne luxury brainstation. Now grandpa's dead. Whose famous now, jerk?

(wink)

feckineejit

wow the puddin sketch was classy - It makes me want to dip something in pudding...

John

"Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?"

Peter

LOL. 'Celebrity'. Hey! I'm a celebrity too!

Tim

Michael Ian Black is the biggest celebrity in America, even bigger than Burt Reynolds (not quite).

Ibod Catooga

I shitttttted.

All over a girrrrl'''s face.

OH YEAH MY NEGROES

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