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May 29, 2008

Some Advice on How to Deal With Stress

Life is so busy these days. Consequently, we all face stress. Even me. Yes, I’m a busy celebrity whose days are filled with glamour, but I find it’s important to take a little “me” time each day to do a little activity that anybody, even you, can afford. Daydreaming.

Daydreaming is like a little vacation in your brain, or “Braincation.” Bored at work? Take a five minute Braincation to the sandy beaches of Mexico’s Cozumel. Follow that up with a couple of real bottles of icy cold beer, and soon work won’t feel so boring.

Or maybe you’re a parent dealing with a couple excitable toddlers. Do yourself a favor: put the kids in front of the TV for a few minutes and take a Braincation to the top of a snowy mountain. Schuss down the slopes, taking the time to enjoy the view as you descend to the lodge below. Then open your eyes and chase down that Braincation with a steaming cup of Irish coffee or two. The kids will be a lot more manageable after that, believe me.

Here’s something I do when I’m feeling stressed by autograph seekers and hangers-on. I excuse myself to my hotel suite, sit cross-legged on the floor, and imagine myself floating in a hot air balloon over an African savannah. “Look down there, a pride of lions!” “And over there, a funny hippopotamus wallowing in the mud.” To augment this braincation, I like a bottle of very good champagne. The whole bottle. When I emerge from my hotel suite a few minutes later, I feel refreshed and ready to face the world.

It’s so important to take time for yourself throughout the day. If you find yourself short on time, you can skip the mental imagery and just go straight for the booze. If I’m being honest, that’s what I usually do. Who wants to see a fucking hippo, anyway?

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Therese

I used to find that a well loaded joint and plenty of chocolate achieved much the same thing. Parental responsibility dictates the Braincation these days. Sans Irish coffee, as I can't hold my drink since shucking 3 new people from my downstairs.

I'd quite like to see a hippo. A fucking hippo, not so much. <--- Facetiousness is my speciality.

Camille

I love braincations,except taking too many may urge your spouse to take his own braincation to see that whore Wanda-with-the-fake-boobs who works at the Snak Atak. Next thing you know, you're taking another braincation to the therapist's office and discussing which meds will slow down the frequency of said braincations. Hypothetical situation one may want to heed.

Adorno

You are easily one of the biggest hacks in the entertainment industry today.

Adorno

You are easily one of the biggest hacks in the entertainment industry today.

mulucka

Who are you, sorry? My celebrity-meter is reading a big fat zero...

Jordan

I disagree, sir!

Tico

No shit, obviously Adorno & mulucka aren't familiar with MIB & Tom Lennon's "200lbs. of puddin' " sketch. Genius! Be funny, fame will come, unfortunately.

BlueBeard

Wow, I like how people don't understand sarcasm. Yes, MIB thinks he's a gigantic celebrity! What an egotistical asshole!

Also, I find it hilarious that while they call you a hack, they're probably 40 and sell insurance in Ohio.

mulucka

funny != fame.

Shut up mulucka

funny!=fame because of morons like you who follow dane cook just cuz comedy central tells you to. MIB is one of the best comedic actors I have ever seen, and if you continue to be negative all the time, people are going to start calling you sandy vagina.

D

Thank you so much for introducing me to the word schuss.

Camille

I heard that Dane Cook likes to register at hotels under "Adorno Mulucka" . Just a rumor, I suppose.

Scott

"autograph seekers and hangers-on"? You don't know what stress is. Leave the stress advice to single mothers.

brian

What's with all this negativity people!

"The State" was genius!

El Gaffney

Good stuff. I need a Bahamavention. No? Not cool?

Taylor

I drank an entire bottle of really good champagne last night. Smoking weed is a better way to aleviate stress though.

tonyt

I think some of you are missing the snarkeriffic comedy of this posting.

I mean, look at the "about" page.

He's in on the joke. You, not so much.

Ernest Magnory

All these haters. I find it so touching that a major intergalactic star would take the time to write and give us advice, I wish people would appreciate it ! Thank you Michael. I will use your advice on brainications. Since I can't afford champagne, I will take money out of my ailing mother's health care budget to buy wine spritzer.

RDRR

i guess being gay has its stresses. Any transition from calm can be considered stressful like chipping a nail and such

Joe

Who the hell is this guy?

Celebrity? In your own head, maybe.

let me guess, headed to the gym in 26 minutes?

dave

Hear that sound? It's the sound of this post going over heads of most of the people posting here. How did all the haters land up here anyway?

dave

Hear that sound? It's the sound of this post going over heads of most of the people posting here. How did all the haters land up here anyway?

jooecool

240 dollars worth of pudding, not pounds. AHHH YEAH. Dont worry your pretty little head about where they got it from either.

Taligent

I think all the dregs from Reddit and Digg arrived here. Don't worry just yell We Heart Ron Paul and Net Neutrality FTW and they will calm down. Or just wait until their mum calls them for dinner.

D

Steve!!! It's you! How's heaven?

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