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May 29, 2008

I Am Drunk On Internet Celebrity - Thanks, Reddit!

Imagine my surprise when my last posting, a tidbit about relieving stress, was linked to Reddit, which is apparently some kind of internet clearinghouse for articles about Barack Obama and photos of kitty cats. Within moments, I noticed a huge spike in traffic to my normally moribund site. People were not only reading the post, but taking the time to leave thoughtful messages like this one:

“Who the hell is this guy? Celebrity? In your own head, maybe. let me guess, headed to the gym in 26 minutes?”

And this one:

“You are easily one of the biggest hacks in the entertainment industry today.”

And this one:

“Who are you, sorry? My celebrity-meter is reading a big fat zero...”

What these people don’t realize is that OF COURSE I am a celebrity. It says so on my blog. But just because I am a celebrity (very famous) doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I do. And those feelings, fortunately, are usually numbed by prescription medications and acupuncture.

My blog used to be a happy place where likeminded people gathered to exchange lighthearted bonhomie. Now, with my sudden internet stardom, it has become no better than Times Square pre-Giuliani: a cesspool of boarded-up bodegas and adult novelty stores. And guess what? I like it. I like it a lot.

Yes, there will always be haters, just as there will always be panda bears (fingers crossed). But I don’t let either haters or panda bears spoil my day. Not when there is so much good to wring from having a blog as popular as mine. With all this attention, I finally know what it feels like to be Chris “Leave Brittany alone” Crocker: incredible. Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying “money” and “power.”

It’s a good day to be on the internet. A very good day indeed. My ever-present security guard Major Quimby (pictured below) has asked that we beef up my security detail. I’ve told him to go ahead and do that. Not because I feel I need any extra security, but because I welcome any excuse to bring more mustachioed men in Prussian army uniforms into my entourage.

Jameshoodbysheriuncropped_2

(Major Quimby)

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Comments

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jebediah bush

"I doubt these comments were from Reddit users, I'd look more at 4chan.org, they are assholes."

1. - RULE #1 murthafarker!!!!!
2. - it was ebaumsworld that did it.
3. - who youse callin an assholes assholes?

Tico

I love Ms.Pac-man's douchebag. I want to suck famous Brooklyn puddin' from up in there. Ohhh Yeeeaaahhh. Famousnessosity...soooo gooood. And acupuncture!!

Joe Reddit

Where are the kittens?

Michael Ian Black

You are on hell of a great internet celebrity, my friend! Woooohooooo!

Michael Ian Black

You are on hell of a great internet celebrity, my friend! Woooohooooo!

#1 Spice Girls Fan

Reddit introduced people to Michael Black, but Michael introduced me to Reddit. Thanks!

omg

Further proof that Andy Warhol was correct. You seriously consider yourself a celebrity? People from reddit are coming to your site for comedy. Your the next "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME"

I'd shut the hell up if I were you, or you will become the next internet catchphrase. Good luck... or at least, DO IT LIVE!

Jason

Not only do I feel you are a celebrity (Helloooo!! Stella and Ed were pretty big, well Ed was.) but I believe anything you say is important to how I live my life.
Thank you Michael Ian Black

omg

Further proof that Andy Warhol was correct. You seriously consider yourself a celebrity? People from reddit are coming to your site for comedy. Your the next "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME"

I'd shut the hell up if I were you, or you will become the next internet catchphrase. Good luck... or at least, DO IT LIVE!

omg

Further proof that Andy Warhol was correct. You seriously consider yourself a celebrity? People from reddit are coming to your site for comedy. Your the next "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME"

I'd shut the hell up if I were you, or you will become the next internet catchphrase. Good luck... or at least, DO IT LIVE!

CUNT

What a god damned cunt burger.

Harv

Ah, John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory in action.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/

I didn't know you have a blog either. (Or that you're so fond of shrubbery!)

SellStuff

Who cares what the haters think, you've been a celebrity since MTV's The State. You helped inspire a generation to produce their own generation's sketch comedies.

Who

I know who you are and I know you're a celebrity, but you're still a douche.

Geraldine

Ignore the mean redditors. Most of them weren't born when The State aired, anyway.

Geraldine

Ignore the mean redditors. Most of them weren't born when The State aired, anyway.

Fapman from Reddit

You sir, are full of AWESOME!

telemundo

Let's get some fuckin PIZZA you guys!

Frank

Anyone that doesn't know how awesome you are needs to remember 2 words: The State. If said person is too young to know what that means, he or she should find a grown-up to help them find out.

Hillary McCain

And I actually used to like you as a comedian, but whatever, you obviously have enough fans already

Charlie

Brother,

About this Reddit crap.

I really am a cowboy, and I live in the middle of the Arizona Desert, in essentially open range cattle country, and even I know who you are. My horse? I'm not too sure about him...he doesn't get out much.

Charlie

Brother,

About this Reddit crap.

I really am a cowboy, and I live in the middle of the Arizona Desert, in essentially open range cattle country, and even I know who you are. My horse? I'm not too sure about him...he doesn't get out much.

WWWWWW.A

haha i can't believe how many comments this post has!
i'm used to them only having like 10ish
love this blog

Z

Wow, what a freaky party this has become! I am just a little bit afraid and think I will hold my purse a little tighter while I make my way out the back door. But, um, congrats on all the new fans?

a fan

all i can think of is... $340... worth of pudding.

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