I Am Drunk On Internet Celebrity - Thanks, Reddit!
Imagine my surprise when my last posting, a tidbit about relieving stress, was linked to Reddit, which is apparently some kind of internet clearinghouse for articles about Barack Obama and photos of kitty cats. Within moments, I noticed a huge spike in traffic to my normally moribund site. People were not only reading the post, but taking the time to leave thoughtful messages like this one:
“Who the hell is this guy? Celebrity? In your own head, maybe. let me guess, headed to the gym in 26 minutes?”
And this one:
“You are easily one of the biggest hacks in the entertainment industry today.”
And this one:
“Who are you, sorry? My celebrity-meter is reading a big fat zero...”
What these people don’t realize is that OF COURSE I am a celebrity. It says so on my blog. But just because I am a celebrity (very famous) doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I do. And those feelings, fortunately, are usually numbed by prescription medications and acupuncture.
My blog used to be a happy place where likeminded people gathered to exchange lighthearted bonhomie. Now, with my sudden internet stardom, it has become no better than Times Square pre-Giuliani: a cesspool of boarded-up bodegas and adult novelty stores. And guess what? I like it. I like it a lot.
Yes, there will always be haters, just as there will always be panda bears (fingers crossed). But I don’t let either haters or panda bears spoil my day. Not when there is so much good to wring from having a blog as popular as mine. With all this attention, I finally know what it feels like to be Chris “Leave Brittany alone” Crocker: incredible. Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying “money” and “power.”
It’s a good day to be on the internet. A very good day indeed. My ever-present security guard Major Quimby (pictured below) has asked that we beef up my security detail. I’ve told him to go ahead and do that. Not because I feel I need any extra security, but because I welcome any excuse to bring more mustachioed men in Prussian army uniforms into my entourage.
(Major Quimby)
"I doubt these comments were from Reddit users, I'd look more at 4chan.org, they are assholes."
1. - RULE #1 murthafarker!!!!!
2. - it was ebaumsworld that did it.
3. - who youse callin an assholes assholes?
Posted by: jebediah bush | May 30, 2008 at 12:33 AM
I love Ms.Pac-man's douchebag. I want to suck famous Brooklyn puddin' from up in there. Ohhh Yeeeaaahhh. Famousnessosity...soooo gooood. And acupuncture!!
Posted by: Tico | May 30, 2008 at 12:33 AM
Where are the kittens?
Posted by: Joe Reddit | May 30, 2008 at 12:34 AM
You are on hell of a great internet celebrity, my friend! Woooohooooo!
Posted by: Michael Ian Black | May 30, 2008 at 12:44 AM
You are on hell of a great internet celebrity, my friend! Woooohooooo!
Posted by: Michael Ian Black | May 30, 2008 at 12:45 AM
Reddit introduced people to Michael Black, but Michael introduced me to Reddit. Thanks!
Posted by: #1 Spice Girls Fan | May 30, 2008 at 12:51 AM
Further proof that Andy Warhol was correct. You seriously consider yourself a celebrity? People from reddit are coming to your site for comedy. Your the next "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME"
I'd shut the hell up if I were you, or you will become the next internet catchphrase. Good luck... or at least, DO IT LIVE!
Posted by: omg | May 30, 2008 at 12:52 AM
Not only do I feel you are a celebrity (Helloooo!! Stella and Ed were pretty big, well Ed was.) but I believe anything you say is important to how I live my life.
Thank you Michael Ian Black
Posted by: Jason | May 30, 2008 at 12:54 AM
Further proof that Andy Warhol was correct. You seriously consider yourself a celebrity? People from reddit are coming to your site for comedy. Your the next "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME"
I'd shut the hell up if I were you, or you will become the next internet catchphrase. Good luck... or at least, DO IT LIVE!
Posted by: omg | May 30, 2008 at 12:54 AM
Further proof that Andy Warhol was correct. You seriously consider yourself a celebrity? People from reddit are coming to your site for comedy. Your the next "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME"
I'd shut the hell up if I were you, or you will become the next internet catchphrase. Good luck... or at least, DO IT LIVE!
Posted by: omg | May 30, 2008 at 12:54 AM
What a god damned cunt burger.
Posted by: CUNT | May 30, 2008 at 12:54 AM
Ah, John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory in action.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/
I didn't know you have a blog either. (Or that you're so fond of shrubbery!)
Posted by: Harv | May 30, 2008 at 12:57 AM
Who cares what the haters think, you've been a celebrity since MTV's The State. You helped inspire a generation to produce their own generation's sketch comedies.
Posted by: SellStuff | May 30, 2008 at 01:00 AM
I know who you are and I know you're a celebrity, but you're still a douche.
Posted by: Who | May 30, 2008 at 01:02 AM
Ignore the mean redditors. Most of them weren't born when The State aired, anyway.
Posted by: Geraldine | May 30, 2008 at 01:03 AM
Ignore the mean redditors. Most of them weren't born when The State aired, anyway.
Posted by: Geraldine | May 30, 2008 at 01:03 AM
You sir, are full of AWESOME!
Posted by: Fapman from Reddit | May 30, 2008 at 01:16 AM
Let's get some fuckin PIZZA you guys!
Posted by: telemundo | May 30, 2008 at 01:19 AM
Anyone that doesn't know how awesome you are needs to remember 2 words: The State. If said person is too young to know what that means, he or she should find a grown-up to help them find out.
Posted by: Frank | May 30, 2008 at 01:21 AM
And I actually used to like you as a comedian, but whatever, you obviously have enough fans already
Posted by: Hillary McCain | May 30, 2008 at 01:26 AM
Brother,
About this Reddit crap.
I really am a cowboy, and I live in the middle of the Arizona Desert, in essentially open range cattle country, and even I know who you are. My horse? I'm not too sure about him...he doesn't get out much.
Posted by: Charlie | May 30, 2008 at 01:53 AM
Brother,
About this Reddit crap.
I really am a cowboy, and I live in the middle of the Arizona Desert, in essentially open range cattle country, and even I know who you are. My horse? I'm not too sure about him...he doesn't get out much.
Posted by: Charlie | May 30, 2008 at 01:54 AM
haha i can't believe how many comments this post has!
i'm used to them only having like 10ish
love this blog
Posted by: WWWWWW.A | May 30, 2008 at 02:03 AM
Wow, what a freaky party this has become! I am just a little bit afraid and think I will hold my purse a little tighter while I make my way out the back door. But, um, congrats on all the new fans?
Posted by: Z | May 30, 2008 at 02:07 AM
all i can think of is... $340... worth of pudding.
Posted by: a fan | May 30, 2008 at 02:20 AM