I Am Drunk On Internet Celebrity - Thanks, Reddit!

Imagine my surprise when my last posting, a tidbit about relieving stress, was linked to Reddit, which is apparently some kind of internet clearinghouse for articles about Barack Obama and photos of kitty cats. Within moments, I noticed a huge spike in traffic to my normally moribund site. People were not only reading the post, but taking the time to leave thoughtful messages like this one:

“Who the hell is this guy? Celebrity? In your own head, maybe. let me guess, headed to the gym in 26 minutes?”

And this one:

“You are easily one of the biggest hacks in the entertainment industry today.”

And this one:

“Who are you, sorry? My celebrity-meter is reading a big fat zero...”

What these people don’t realize is that OF COURSE I am a celebrity. It says so on my blog. But just because I am a celebrity (very famous) doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I do. And those feelings, fortunately, are usually numbed by prescription medications and acupuncture.

My blog used to be a happy place where likeminded people gathered to exchange lighthearted bonhomie. Now, with my sudden internet stardom, it has become no better than Times Square pre-Giuliani: a cesspool of boarded-up bodegas and adult novelty stores. And guess what? I like it. I like it a lot.

Yes, there will always be haters, just as there will always be panda bears (fingers crossed). But I don’t let either haters or panda bears spoil my day. Not when there is so much good to wring from having a blog as popular as mine. With all this attention, I finally know what it feels like to be Chris “Leave Brittany alone” Crocker: incredible. Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying “money” and “power.”

It’s a good day to be on the internet. A very good day indeed. My ever-present security guard Major Quimby (pictured below) has asked that we beef up my security detail. I’ve told him to go ahead and do that. Not because I feel I need any extra security, but because I welcome any excuse to bring more mustachioed men in Prussian army uniforms into my entourage.

(Major Quimby)

Comments

[Red KF9]

I'm a Redditor. Not all of us are bad - in fact, most of us are pretty good people. It's usually the jerks who flame like that. Oh btw, congrats on your internet stardom.

[Beard.D.Beeman]

Who knew you had a blog, man!? I got here from reddit, but unlike those uneducated, unwashed boors, I have seen you being very funny on the television and in the films many times. Kudos!

[brandan]

i was seriously contemplating buying the first season of stella, but having been censored has convinced me otherwise. i suppose there's only room on michaelianblack.typepad.com for one sarcastic, ironic, self-appreciative jerk.

[damunzy]

Michael Ian Black...seen you in a shit load of stuff but never remembered your name. Now that you have graced Reddit's top 10 I will definitely commit the name to memory. BTW, at least you didn't get dug or slash dotted. Talk about a cesspool or two. What is it with us English speakers and all the scatological references?

[brandan]

who the hell is previous and why is he determining where my comments are displayed?! what is this internet and how do i work it?

that was a lie for dramatic effect, though. i wasn't seriously considering buying the first season of stella.

[halomender]

i read reddit everyday, and i love michael ian black. you were great in wet hot american summer, you have the best commentary on every show you go on, especially on iron chef. also you're stand-up is fantastic. i have no reason to kiss your ass, that's just my honest opinion. i really hope you keep doing what you're doing as long as you're able.

[halomender]

i read reddit everyday, and i love michael ian black. you were great in wet hot american summer, you have the best commentary on every show you go on, especially on iron chef. also you're stand-up is fantastic. i have no reason to kiss your ass, that's just my honest opinion. i really hope you keep doing what you're doing as long as you're able.

[LiberalsVSConservativesDOTcom]

Where the FUCK is The State DVDs? Been waiting for about 10 years now...

I want my monkey torture, blueberry johnson and dip balls in it guy...

Peace.

[darmabum]

Hey Michael Ian Black I always knew you were a celebrity even before i read your blog saying so

[redditor]

m.i.b., you're awesome but if it wasnt for reddit i wouldnt have ever known you had a blog. could you promise me 2 things?

(1) leak the state theme song mp3 so i can be nostalgic about my teenage years. ive been looking for that shit forever. could the RIAA sue you if you leak the song from your own show?

(2) make sure you get 10 minutes of screen time in every reaper episode. but switch it up and play the "i was just pretending to be gay to get a foothold in heaven, im really just working for the devil and i like to eat kids" demon.

btw, my best friend ran into you in the subway in nyc and did the "hi im a fan" thing with you and he said you were really nice to him. so blog jokes aside, we all know youre a nice guy (and we all love you fot it).

boys and girls, action! action!

[Franci]

While I enjoy reading reddit, the craptastic comments left on your blog are just typical internetz geekster attitude.

They can all suck it for not remembering The State ($240 worth of pudding, FTW!) and Viva Variety (Johnny Blue Jeans!).

[me again]

I wish you would stop encouraging them.

Anyway, to follow up with what Reen said (a friendly person, not a redditard) I have also learned things from you! I saw you on TV once and learned that banal rhymes with canal and not anal. Who knew??? (hint:not me)

[Limbo_Jimbo]

Whee doggies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pete schnapps]

i'm with the silver lining crowd. caught a tv show (on cable in australia) a few months back that was solid gold but never got the name of it. trying to explain the concept to peers in order to find out what the show was only resulted in mean whispers. then today - reddit = blog = stella! reddit just got you a dvd sale. (well not you, but someone exploiting your talent anyway)

by the by, anyone out there who likes good, fanfare-less comedy, jump on 'peep show'. it's an odd thing that has come out of britain in the last few years.

ps. i loved you in third watch too.

[lightbringer]

Hugs.

[Reddit]

Hello again
http://reddit.com/info/6lbyq/comments/

[lightbringer]

Hugs.

[Mr. Viking]

I wanted to buy a vehicle that made me look rugged and tough, but I also wanted it to be environmentally friendly. So I bought a hybrid and just tied a dead lion on top of it.

[Jeffy]

Ohhh yea i know this guy, wasnt he on a show with a puppet? or some type of animal.

[keyrat]

His name used to be Michael Ian Schwartz but he changed it to Black because he was ashamed of being jewish.

[Jeremy E]

Hi Mike,

I'm one of the guys who make reddit. I just want to apologize for our users being rude and not knowing who you are.

Also, I'd like to send you a reddit t-shirt to make up for it. You should be able to get my email address from this comment. Shoot me an email and I'll hook you up.

[Ibod Catooga]

Did an anus come and land on your face? Did you ever see the relocating Starfiend of Nanoota 37? No? Yes? Then you have the key to the cabal of Todaloo!

Once in the life of a master Oprah, the shenanigan wilted!

There will be truth! Live it! Be it!

I like to lick anus.

[tim]

Don't worry man - reddit fame is short lived. Like one day or so. You'll be back to 26 users by Saturday.

[Jamesy]

Those negative commenters don't know what they're talking about. You should mail them all copies of Stella with a CD of "I Am a Wonderful Man" and they'll change their tune, Mike. Or Michael Ian, whatever you like to be called.

[Papa]

You never stop making me laugh. And if you ever do, I'm gonna get ya!