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March 19, 2008

In Vancouver Again

In Vancouver again. The last time I was here, four months ago, hockey was on every television station all day, every day. Now, hockey is on every television station all day, every day. All anybody does here is sit around and watch hockey. Hasn’t anybody told these people that hockey sucks? I’ve thought about telling them myself, but I came to the conclusion that they are Canadian – hockey is all they have. Hockey is the one thing that keeps them from becoming American. That, and their distinctly laid back Canadian attitude, which is sort of like a California attitude, minus the underlying hatred and self-loathing.

It’s tempting to say that Canadian are a simple people, content to live their lives with humility and grace, but I have to believe that there is some evil within them somewhere that I just haven’t found yet. There was a big story in the papers here about a hit and run driver who killed a 21 year old guy. Rather than calling for the guy’s head, though, the parents of the dead guy said they forgave the killer and didn’t harbor any hatred. What kind of bullshit is that?

The other thing I’ve noticed is that there is a certain look that many Canadian women have. It’s kind of hard to explain because it’s subtle, but I think the best way to describe it is that a lot of Canadian women have piggy noses. Not snouts exactly, just kind of upturned piggy noses. I wonder if this is leftover French genetic material that hasn’t worked its way out of the bloodlines yet. Because French people have piggy noses too. And duck-billed tits.

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Therese

I defy you to illustrate a duck-billed tit...

Come back to civilisation soon, the blogosphere is a gaping void right now. (Apart from Sho's doodles, which totally rock).

Susanna

I was worried that you had fallen into some sort of black hole. Turns out, you have (Vancouver).

It's been a cold and lonely world without your blogs.

Reen

There you are! Miss you.

Duck bill boobs. Fantastic. This has me stumped in the most delicious of ways. So. When the duck bill (breasts) are coming right at you, then you are enjoying a visual much like Madonna in her infamous cone bra. However, if the duck is fishing around in the water? DundunDUN.

I hope for your sake, and other hetero's out there, (yes even in Canada) that the pretty upturned nosed Frenchies don't have a bunch of rocks-in-socks boobies. Come to think of it, that's what us bitter Americans call "DEEE-VINE JUS-TEECE!"

Camille

Is a piggy nose worse than a donkey butt?
It seems like you've been in Canada for a while. Hope you like maple,sucker.

Rylee

Ouch, you just hurt me on so many levels.

Robert Shaprio from legalzoom.com

The word "Canadian" can easily be changed to "Jews" with the same results. Amazing.

Courtney

When are you coming to California? If not soon, then please change your plans. Thanks!

Erik

Duck-billed breasts...I know exactly what you mean.

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