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February 13, 2008

If I Had a Time Machine Part II

If I had a time machine,
I would live out all my schemes.
To be a cowboy? No problem, pard.
Or visit Shakespeare, the immortal bard.

Maybe I would have a talk
With polio scientist, Jonas Salk
“Jonas,” I’d say, “Keep up your steam-
One day you’ll discover the vaccine!”

And I’d spend time being classy
With my favorite canine film star, Lassie
Would Lassie think time travel’s good?
Don’t worry, kid, it’s Hollywood!

It’s the future!
It’s the past!
The last is first!
The first is last!

It’s a circle, don’t you see?
That we call “infinity!”

If I should travel ten years yonder
What if I should happen to wander
And meet a fellow who looks like me
But is ten years older than the self I see?

What answers would I want to find
From Future Michael’s future mind?
He’d be ready, of course, to open that door
‘Cause he’d asked those questions ten years before!



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Ethereal Zoe

Einstein himself could not have come up with a better plan for time travel.

But then you Jews are all brilliant, aren't you?

college student



These are great for children. They have the essential ingredients: entertainment, relevant facts, logic, and the crazy face of Shel or Seuss.


I'm really digging your rhyming skills, pard.

Oh, and BEST time-machine-glee-related picture EVER!


"Uh oh," I said softly
When seeing this blog
Michael's rhyming about cowboys
And Lassie the dog

A new side of Michael
Kid-friendly and sweet
Not sure that I love it
But it is kind of neat

Is this a new attempt
To appeal to the masses?
Where's the mention of
Fuck, shit or hot college girl's asses?

What will come next?
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day
A story about puppies
Or a corn-holing gay?

Will you buy your wife flowers,
Candy and a card from the store?
Or jot a note that says
Thanks, but I can't do this anymore

I'll admit that my rhyming is
Quite poor at it's best
So I will end this right now
With a simple request

Keep writing and adding pictures
Because you always make me smile
And I promise not to bore you
With my comments for a while.


Wow. What made Michael get so poetical? I don't know, but I LIKE it! And look at you: one day pondering the existential nature of short stories and nihilistic fairy tales, and the next, a meditation on the nature of time and memory. I am so blissing out on this crazy mind trip. Thanks for the ticket :)


You writing about time-travel is the marriage of my two most favourite things, hot Jews and science fiction. Carry on!


I'm sure you're not aware, but, these grinning boyish pic's of late bring out both the Mommy and the Whore in those of us who have been both. For example:

MomWhore: "Aw, cutie, want some koolaid? (3 beats)...laced with Ectasy?"

See? Wrong, wrong, wrong. Especially on today, of all days, St. Patricks Day.

I, too, am on board for more freaky-deeky poetry. Love it. But wherever the muse takes you, follow. It's all magical.


I like this smile the best! You should make it your blog banner!!


I want to play! Ok:

If I had a Unicorn, mayhaps it would have wings
No, wait that is a Pegasus . . . then some magic equine thing
And perhaps we'd fly to Neverland and visit Peter Pan
Only to discover that he'd grown into a man

A silly funny pacifict that hugs his bitchy fans
Who deftly deflects Stephanies, and revels in custom vans
Much thanks for my Uni-Pegasus, a psychotic breed indeed
For its absurd flight and giddy might, for the bananas on which it feeds

What whimsy!
What fancy!
What jocularity!
I fly upon my Uni-sus
Laughing and so free

This Pan, he's our great showman, who shows us all that's magic
Oh how I'm fond, of the wave of his wand, his voodoo skills and gadgets
But alas he is but our showman, nothing more and certainly no less
So breathing in my belly laughs, I'll forever ride my Uni-sus

The End.

pee pee

Rye Bread

That was sooooo trippy dude.

Benjamin Eakin

hehe... not as good as the first though -- i think you should make a post of just crazy faces.


very good part deux

I feel like you'd been waiting years to use the word "pard"


Just one look at your picture and I can smile.



Apparently some of our letters are starting to lose it! Someone call Pat Sajak and ask him if he can host an intervention.

Sandra Dee

Say. Remember, way back when, when you used to put up pictures like this? And ones of you in bed with pillows? (I have one of those pics now too)

But aw gosh Johnny. Do I miss them days. Seems nowadays, all you wanna do is rumble.


Yay! Keep these up! Is this the type of thing that will be included in future children's books?! Awesome.

p.s. Uni-sus is possibly the best new word/animal created since 1843.

p.p.s nice face.

p.p.p.s. above compliment creeps even me out.


There was nothing there. Nothing important, nothing meaningful, and nothing that should make anyone care (ignore that, i'm not trying to be ironic)

Even the picture, man. Your eyes are pretty empty. Actually, a lot of your pictures are like that. It's like your always waiting for a camera. I mean, that sucks. What's real to you?

You know, I can't win. Your fans can't win, actually. I am a fan of you, but I probably sound like a really whiny person who probably thinks "Hey, I'm being cool becasue I'm putting down a famous celebrity in my own way," while writing this (or something like it) when I'm actually just making observations because I can't think of anythig better to do at 12:53 in the morning (insomnia sucks, for the record). AND, if I just posted "Oh, I love you! That was hilarious! Your so cute!" I still sound annoying and become another person I hate. Even though those three statements are definitely more flattering. And 2/3 of them are true. The "I love you one" is false because even if it was an unbasterdized form of love (impossible), it would have to be extremely superficial because there is no way someone who has never met you can love you (myself included). News flash, it's called (unreasonable) infatuation.

Well...I think I'm getting bored writing, this. Anyone who was ridiculous enough to read the whole thing, sorry for the waste of time...unless you got something out of it. Then, I don't know what you should do. If you (somehow) got soemthing out of this, you should probably all your friends. That would be very considerate of you. So, either except my apology or my gratitude. Each of those is pretty vapid.

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