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January 08, 2008

Plans for Tomorrow

Well, it's almost midnight, which means it's time to start making plans for tomorrow. First things first - I HAVE to finish my latch hook rug! I've been trying to finish it for about six weeks, but every time I sit down with my latch and my hook, the phone rings or the fire detector goes off or somebody shoots something. My wall is in desperate need of a kittens in a basket latch hook rug and come Hell or high water, tomorrow is the day wall and rug finally meet.

Also on my agenda for tomorrow - grocery shopping! We have been out of mayonnaise for about two days now. That may not seem like a big deal, but around my house it's an emergency. Pretty much everything the wife cooks has mayonnaise in it, and when we have to do without, everybody is pretty crabby. Tonight for example, we were SUPPOSED to have fried chicken. But how are you going to eat fried chicken without mayo? Answer - you're not. I just threw mine at her and made her clean it up. Later I apologize and offered to pick up some of that good whipped spread at the grocery store tomorrow.

Third: exercise. I have promised myself that I am going to get into my exercise regimen. For me, that means getting the old recumbent bicycle out of the garage, dusting it off, and putting it to use. I got my Exercycle from the gal down the road. She was selling it on her lawn for twenty bucks. I jewed her down to ten and then let the thing collect dust in my garage. Starting tomorrow I'm putting that fucker to work. All that extra Christmas mayo has got to come off.

Finally, tomorrow is the day I start loving myself.

It's also the day we put the dog to sleep. I'll probably put the dog to sleep before I start loving myself, just so I can end the day on a positive note.


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You should try loving yourself with the mayo on the Exercycle, if you know what I mean...and I think you do.

Sandra K.

This isn't as funny as your last post. But it will do for free comedy and all.


I believe you'll finish that latch hook rug when you put that birdhouse up.

(I hope the dog part isn't true)


I disagree with Sandra. I find these actual, true-life details of your everyday goings-on fascinating!
I enjoy reading about the daily struggles of a superstar mega-genius. The minutia is what makes the man.
Near-death experiences from falling into various wells on your property, fancy-schmancy dinner parties with politcos and best friend/fitness guru Richard Simmons, trysts with carnies- this is what makes you interesting and special. How often IS the correct number of times per week to count the silver ( those damn servants always steal!) and how does one go about securing a bunker? I can always refer to your blogs when I need the answer. Thanks for that.


I liked this entry even though it was free. I would have used someone elses money to pay for it, too.

We're talking "Hellmans" here I hope. Forget "Miracle Whip". Whips are never miracles. They're sadistic requests.

Warning. That exercycle will get you a J-Lo butt, or a Guy-Lo, as I've heard it called. If you don't want a bubble for a back end a "Guy lo lite" might better serve.

Sandra K.

I think Mr. Black's humor comes in waves which are synchronized with the tidal forces. His best work tends to occur during tidal springs and loses luster during the tidal neaps. For example, Mr. Black wrote "This is How I Party" at the pinnacle of the spring and wrote "Plans for Tomorrow" at the ebbing neap. It's as if Mr. Black's creative juices are synchronized with the Lunar Clock. Or a Seiko.


Michael Ian Black has cute neaps.

Sandra K.

That he does, young Z, that he does.

Kyle Miller

I heard you on the radio today.

I had no idea you were coming to Dallas.

I'm sorry. Very, very sorry.


Mayo can also help the self-loving chafe a bit less.

My mother has been working on the same latch hook rug since 1975. No, really truly, I kid ye not.

Agent Lover

Does all this mayo talk mean you won't dip fried chicken in ranch?? My white condiment theory must be half right then.


in regards to previous comments by posters above, isn't this also a personal blog? to just gab on about "stuff" that is also tinged with wit, humor and some kind of mysterious liquid it's best we not touch? in addition, of course, to the free comedy. :D

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