Tonight is our show in Dallas. Hard to believe, but this is my first time in Dallas, and although I've only been here about twenty minutes, and despite the fact that the only part of Dallas I've seen to this point is the highway leading from the airport to the House of Blues, I've already developed some VERY STRONG OPINIONS about this town, which follow:
1. The drive from the airport to the House of Blues is too long. It took us about forty five minutes. Too long. If I ever become mayor of Dallas, which is unlikely but not impossible, I will relocate the House of Blues to the US Airways terminal at the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport.
2. Dallas has a nice skyline. I suppose that can't really be considered a very strong opinion, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
3. Tony Romo sucks at football. To be fair, I don't really know anything about football (despite the fact that I was All-State and played for Auburn), but I know that Tony Romo is the quarterback for the Dallas football team (who are called, I believe, the Dallas Wranglers), and I thought I would use my limited knowledge of the Dallas sporting scene to my comedic advantage. Tony Romo, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I bet you're actually very good at football.
4. Dallas is disgusting. I have no reason at all to say this other than the airport smelled a little bit like day old fried chicken. So I extrapolated that to mean that the entire Dallas metropolitan area is disgusting.
5. The bouncers in Dallas don't drink Sierra Mist. I know this because when I showed up at the House of Blues, two bouncers stopped me. I had to explain who I was three times before they would let me in. If they drank Sierra Mist here, this would not have been a problem.