Dallas Tonight

Tonight is our show in Dallas. Hard to believe, but this is my first time in Dallas, and although I've only been here about twenty minutes, and despite the fact that the only part of Dallas I've seen to this point is the highway leading from the airport to the House of Blues, I've already developed some VERY STRONG OPINIONS about this town, which follow:   

1. The drive from the airport to the House of Blues is too long. It took us about forty five minutes. Too long. If I ever become mayor of Dallas, which is unlikely but not impossible, I will relocate the House of Blues to the US Airways terminal at the Dallas/Ft. Worth airport. 

2. Dallas has a nice skyline. I suppose that can't really be considered a very strong opinion, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

3. Tony Romo sucks at football. To be fair, I don't really know anything about football (despite the fact that I was All-State and played for Auburn), but I know that Tony Romo is the quarterback for the Dallas football team (who are called, I believe, the Dallas Wranglers), and I thought I would use my limited knowledge of the Dallas sporting scene to my comedic advantage. Tony Romo, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I bet you're actually very good at football.

4. Dallas is disgusting. I have no reason at all to say this other than the airport smelled a little bit like day old fried chicken. So I extrapolated that to mean that the entire Dallas metropolitan area is disgusting.

5. The bouncers in Dallas don't drink Sierra Mist. I know this because when I showed up at the House of Blues, two bouncers stopped me. I had to explain who I was three times before they would let me in. If they drank Sierra Mist here, this would not have been a problem.

Comments

[Mitt Romney]

www.quickdfw.com - You're a cover story...

[Susanna]

Rumor has it that most bouncers live at the YMCA and take 'roids all day, so don't feel too bad about them not knowing who you are. Plus, they were probably threatened by your overwhelming masculinity.

[Jimmy]

Me and my wife saw you tonight and we left 1/2 way through. You guys suck and should stay out of the great state of Texas.

[Shelley]

(That is an uncalled for comment above).

I wish I could have seen you tonight. I am from Dallas, but I go to Indiana University in Bloomington so I was unable to attend.

Which brings me to my next point: Come to Bloomington. Please.

(The drive from the airport is way too long and pretty crapy. Probably because it is called the George Bush Freeway).

[Therese]

We don't even have Sierra Mist in the UK, and I know who you are. I guess Bouncers don't have the IQ or resources to Google.

[Kirtan]

longtime fan, saw the show tonite in dallas. it was great to finally see you guys, even though david wasn't there and even though both of you shrugged off the stella requests :)

was also disappointed when you read one of these blog entries as part of your act - was hoping for more new material. the upside is that "custom van" really has me waiting for your book if it ever gets published.

i saw some people leaving, which is too bad. you guys put together a pretty solid show, and i hope you come down south more often (even though dallas really is a disgusting city).

[Luke]

did my harassment in front of the ipod vending machine help or hurt your experience?

where were you guys flying in from?

[Reen]

Wow. After reading your blog and these comments, Dallas, and it's inhabitants, officially scares me too.

I guess they have big steaks, though.

Well, I hope you cool cats at least got tight at the afterparty, had a healthy breakfast, that kind of thing.

[Megan]

An Open Letter to Jimmy, from Texas:

Here's the thing Jimmy, humor is what we like to call subjective. That means some things that you may enjoy, I may not enjoy and vice versa. Take for instance, fucking cows...you're into that and it's OK, I don't judge! So even though you may think that Michael Ian Black sucks, many people (like me) in fact do not. We actually kind of like him. I'm not sure why you left. Maybe lustful urges for Black overcame you (it's ok, it happens) and you're just not comfortable enough with your sexuality to go there. But we're all human beings here, and we all deserve to be treated with respect. What's my point? You're a dick.

Love,
Megan

[bill]

god damn you guys were funny. i have to agree with kirtan because alot of the material were old (i heard it before). oh well, that's how it go.

[Carlos]

This comedy was bad. MY buddy said you were the Sierra Mist dude and thought the other dude was in Sierra Mist. BUT HE WAS'NT.

[Linz]

what the fuck is an ipod vending machine?

and why is one at the house of blues? Wouldn't that completely negate any reason for initially being there?

[Linz]

oh carlos (up there somewhere) just a note, you are conjugating incorrectly. If you were to write WAS NOT, conjugated correctly this would be WASN'T and not, as you incorrectly wrote it, WAS'NT. The apostrophe goes in between the word gap (where the missing letter would be) not where the space is.

I just wanted to let you know that, because I'd hate to see more angry and offensive blog comments with horrible grammar.

[Betty]

You are so funny I think even think our president from Texas would laugh at you. He only laughs at old people on the tv. The other Michael was sort of weird. He was hard to get. Is he gay?

[Jaz]

I loved every second of your performance last night. Really, I did. I've only been in love with you for about 5 years and I finally got to see you. Despite the negative comments, I hope you had a good time because I sure did.

Everyone in the Theatre department at my school recites Stella quotes all the time, and now I get to go back and brag about how wonderful you are.

I love you.
That's not creepy, is it?

[Camille]

Well,opinions are like assholes.Everyone has got one and some people are one.

[Lexie]

oh michael... dallas is an interesting place. You can have whatever opinion you want. i'm not here to judge. all i gotta say is that i live here and you coming made it the best place ever!- by the way if you recall i yelled "i love you" during your set in dallas. Your response, "i love you too", pretty much made my life.

[Jonathan]

And i was the friend of lexie who screamed i love you too (guy) and i just wanted you to know im not gay i was expressing a love and admiration that was totally separate from sexual feelings, but dallas really isnt that bad just dont come here in the summer