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December 11, 2007

What I Look Like in Canada

This is what I look like in a coffee shop in Canada:

Photo_33You'll notice that there is a fully functional rainbow machine operating here. All the Canadian coffee shops have them, which is great, except that I find that people tend to congregate at their tables and chairs a little longer than in the States, a direct result of the plethora of coffee shop rainbow machines. After all, why bother going home and wasting electricity on your personal rainbow machine when you just go hang out in a coffee shop and get bathed in full spectrum light for free (or, rather, for the cost of a cup of coffee)?

Anyway, I'm here for a couple more days and then home for a couple days, then Baltimore, then home, then a family trip to Minnesota for the holidays, then home, then New York for a couple days, then home, then I don't know. I just don't know anymore.

Will I miss Canada? No doubt. Will I miss Canadians? No I will not. Friendly on the outside. Backstabbing conniving motherfuckers on the inside. Is that true? No. They're friendly on the inside too, but that doesn't make for very good writing. Although there was a guy who was just found guilty of killing six hookers up here. So that's something.


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they are stabbing you with their sharpened and newly potent colorful Canadian money


You look Canadian now.


A guy killed 5 hookers near where I live. Canada kicks our hooker-killers' asses.

Yay for the return of Rainbow Machines!


You are one frequent flyer. Just THINK of all the "Who's the terrorist?" games you'll get to play! Just *thinking* about flying that much makes me ill. White knuckles and Bloody Marys, that's what gets me through.

You do look a bit Canadian now. Only much much cuter. (And not nearly as Asian as you should).

Btw, Canadians really are some of the neatest people in the world. They're so even. (Their temperament I mean, not their handwriting. Their handwriting sucks).


I would love to be sitting in a coffee shop right aboot now.

I also ran out of paper jotting down your schedule. Could you just fax it to me?


Melissa Omaha, NE

...what the fuck is Canada?

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