Vancouver, Again

Well, I'm in Vancouver again. You wouldn't think that Vancouver would feel like a foreign city, considering it's in the American protecorate known as Canada. And yet, there is something distinctly foreign feeling about it. Maybe it's the annoying way they spell the word "centre," or the fact that they really do end sentences with, "Eh?" (Ex: "That was a pretty good blow job, eh?") Also, I've noticed that the Canadian obsession with the sport of hockey crosses over the line from fanaticism right into the territory of utterly boring. God, do they love hockey. I've learned more and cared less about this sport during my time up here than I thought humanly possible.

On the other hand, Canadians can't help but be friendly. They're like baby goats. Also, I've asked around, and it turns out that socialized medicine is pretty fucking great, despite what our politicians tell us. Michael Moore was right - Canadians are thrilled with their health care system. They don't wait days to get seen by a doctor, it's all free, and as a result, everybody smokes. Also, surprisingly, Canadian news is filled with stories about Canada. This is surprising because I was unaware that anything happens in Canada. As it turns out, I was right. Sample story from the news the other night: two Vancouverans had their specially made bicycles stolen. This story occupied about three minutes on the broadcast. How about a senseless shooting or something to liven things up, Canada?

The other surprising thing about Canada is that everybody here is Asian. You think I'm joking but I'm not. It's because, for some reason, white Canadians don't breed. 1 in 3 Canadians are foreign born, and most of those people are Asian. Which is good if you happen to have a fetish for Asian girls. Not that I do, but if one happened to , it would be pretty fun. If one did.

 

Anyway, the other good part about Canada is that there's a casino about two minutes from my hotel. The only downside is that when you win, they give you Canadian money.

Comments

[Therese]

You know, you're actually doing a good job of selling me on the idea of Canada. It sounds like home from home for a Limey.

[Reen]

My oldest sister moved to Canada and she's Asian now too. Kinda pisses me off because "suddenly" her feet are a LOT smaller than mine.

Enjoy whatever you are mysteriously doing in Vancouver. You do realize you're being mysterious with all this "I'm in Vancouver..." talk. Then there's: "I'm BACK in Vancouver..." (read: "for super secret reasons I shant discuss with you hosers!")

[Susanna]

I agree with Renee on this one - you are definitely being rather mysterious as to why you are in Vancouver. Do the company of Asians make it easier to write?

Now, now, ladies, one should never question the process of genius.

[Camille]

Me love you long time,eh?

[Tony D]

I know why you went to Vansterdam; why does anyone go to Vansterdam, besides all the pizza slices.

Also, if you want to give away any of that lame Canadian money, you can give it to me (exchange rate being what it is and all). Me loves some loonies and toonies.

[Jenny]

you've just confirmed everything i've ever wondered/thought about canada. huh.