At the Airport

I'm finally heading home from Canada. While I enjoyed my time in the Great White North, it will be good getting back to a place where people actually speak English. I'm posting the accompanying photo to show that, as popular as rainbow machines are in Canada, even here they go on the fritz. Normally the Vancouver Airport is awash in rainbows, but when I arrived today I was informed that the entire system was down for reasons they could not explain, although I strongly suspect terrorists. Pictured is the top of my head and their vast array of non-functioning rainbow machines, which are ordinarily the pride of Vancouver:

As you can see, they're just kind of dully glowing up there, no rainbows in sight. I've been assured that they've got teams of leprechauns working on the problem, but my guess is my flight will have long departed before they get the problem resolved. No big deal, as I've got my own rainbow machine waiting for me at home, but still. When you fly first class (as I always do), the least you can expect is a working rainbow machine in the airport boarding area.

Anyway, it will be good to get home and see my children, whose names escape me at the moment. I bought them some gifts at the Duty Free shop. I hope children like perfume and fine liqueurs. Sunday I'm going down to Baltimore for a show with Michael Showalter. Expect lots of jokes about crabs and Old Bay seasoning. I've been working on a several hour's worth of Old Bay seasoning jokes for the last year or so, and I've been waiting for the appropriate venue to try them out. I think Baltimore might be it.

Total poker winnings in Vancouver: a meager $700 (Canadian).

Comments

[Susanna]

So, you tell a reporter the real reason you were in Canada (because you were working on The Reaper) and not us dear fans? I'm hurt, but I'll forgive you.

Please do make it home safely, where your kids and rainbow machine eagerly await your return.

[Reen]

Yeah. What Susanna said. ;-)

Theres a big nasty snow storm heading towards Mass. My buddy called me at 7am this morning (8 your guyses time)to inform me they're getting 10 inches. And there's only one cause that makes 10 inches desirable. And it aint snow.

Please do be careful. How you can make your plane trip more careful, I'm not sure. Check on the pilot? Make sure he's not drunk? Anyway, you're too adorable to go down in a fireball. That's what I'm trying to say here (in my simple old folky kinda way).

And if your kiddos dont like appreciate those gifts, let me know. I have an address. And I'm not afraid to use it.

[Therese]

What's $700 (Canadian) in real money?

Crab jokes never get old.

[Zane]

Enjoy your champagne (chocolate-flavored?) and fresh-baked cookies on the flight.

Have a great show and some nice quality time with the family over the holidays. I recommend a couple Xanax to help get through it all.

Love and kisses,
Zane

[Camille]

You're so whimsical. Popsicle. Ice. Snow...I'm gonna go pee in the snow.

[Jenny]

while canadian is what we used to use for Monopoly money in my house, thanks to our good ole, strong economy we've traded loonies for greenbacks in our current games. if you still have it lying around, i'd cash it in.