Seattle Last Night

At the show in Seattle last night, there was a girl in the second row who looked utterly miserable. It was very disconcerting to see a girl standing very close to the stage, arms crossed, looking as if she'd rather be anywhere other than there. So I gave her a dollar, but that didn't seem to help the situation much. Eventually, I couldn't take her pouty face and invited her on the stage to talk about what was going on. She was, of course, reluctant, but after some gentle cajoling, she eventually made her way on to the stage. Turns out, as I suspected all along, it was boy trouble. She and a boyfriend broke up about a week before. I asked who broke up with who. She said it was mutual, which is another way of saying that he dumped her.

When I asked about the problems with the relationship, she told me (and five hundred other people), that he was angry at her because she nagged him about his drinking. I told her that she didn't need to be with an alcoholic, because you can't change an alcoholic - they have to change themselves. "Right, alcoholics?" I asked the audience. Three hundred people agreed.

Then Showalter came on stage and started playing mood music to accompany the conversation. (Radiohead, Vanessa Carlton, others) Then, we all started dancing and grinding against her, and I think she started to feel better. After all, what could be better than two middle-aged out of shape comedians grinding against you when you're suffering from heartache? Nothing, my friends, nothing.

As she was leaving the stage, to make her feel better, I told her that I was sure that night, she was going to meet somebody. Somebody great, and that she would fuck the shit out of that person, get pregnant, and then be faced with some very difficult decisions. I don't know if this made her feel better or not. I hope so.

Sarah, if you're reading this, I'd like my dollar back.

Comments

[tomdog]

Audience member on stage?? Who are you, the Amazing Jonathan?

that must've been great though - sounds like a (yet another) good show.

[Camille]

I am so happy that this site exists. If only my other dream would come true, and that's for you two to perform near MO again.

[Bit O Honey]

My grandma died, so what if it was 20 years ago. I need you and Showalter to make an inside out Oreo sandwich out of me.

[Therese]

You do realise she'll be selling the clothes she wore last night on ebay, right?

I hope you both exfoliated before you rubbed up on her, you don't want anyone combing those clothes for skin cells...

What would a Black/Showalter hybrid look like...?

[Ethereal Zoe]

I just got a papercut. I hope that's enough to warrant a brief consolatory grind from at least one of you.

I won't say which one, but his name rhymes with Snowalter.

[Reen]

Listen to the hard luck stories from the "Sassafrasses". Blah, blah, blah.
Try typing with long luxurious nails!

[Susanna]

It sounds to me like she should have paid YOU the dollar...plus maybe thrown in a few extra dollars for the public consolations. You can't put a price on the bump and grind, though. That is priceless.

[Zane]

If crossed arms and a pouty face get you a dollar and a dance, what kind of attention might one get who has open arms, a La Perla push-up bra and a big, toothy grin?
Just wondering....

[Reen]

So funny! Lookie here: a youtube of you, Sho, and the dollar waving Sarah!

http://lineout.thestranger.com/2007/10/the_michaels_showalter_and_black_mend_a

[Therese]

Well that clip cheered me up no end, so Sarah has to be feeling pretty chuffed right now.

[the swede]

I was there, I saw it with my own eyes. It was fantastic.

[tomdog]

also, Gaffigan's appearance on Conan this week did not include any references to Hot Pockets

[Cate]

I was there too, in the lame underage section, but I was in the very front so it was awesome. The whole thing was hilarious. Good job, guys.

[Camille]

Hey,those Hot Pocket jokes are timeless! He will not rest until the world is aware that they daily destroy the digestive systems of 10,000 college students and trailer park residents worldwide. Jim is an angel sent from above.

[Jenny]

that is so cool! you're like a friendly angel that says fuck a lot! neat.

[Jenny]

that is so cool! you're like a friendly angel that says fuck a lot! neat.

[Jenny]

that is so cool! you're like a friendly angel that says fuck a lot! neat.

[Jenny]

that is so cool! you're like a friendly angel that says fuck a lot! neat.

[Jenny]

ok, that multiple comment thing above is an accident, and is bullshit. i don't have a compulsive disorder i swear.