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October 17, 2007

Home Again

Finally got home around ten thirty last night. The flight from San Diego was fantastic. We flew JetBlue, which allowed me to catch up on Kathy Griffin's "My Life on the D List." I realize, watching her life, that if that's the D List, I must be somewhere around P or Q. I don't have assistants. I don't play big theaters. I don't regularly have cosmetic surgery. I'm flying coach on JetBlue and counting myself lucky. Not to mention that she gets to host the gay porn awards, whereas I simply have to watch it on TV like every other gay porn loving schmo.
Anyway, thanks to Kathy, the flight was uneventful and pleasant.

Imagine my surprise when I got home to discover all the locks had been changed, my wife and kids were gone, and the dog had no water. I thought, "Either this is a very good practical joke or my family has deserted me, and left no water for the dog." The first thing I did was pop a frozen pizza into the oven (JetBlue does not offer meals), and then tried to figure out what was what. Turns out it was just a practical joke. My wife and kids were at her lover's house, and when they got home I gave everybody big hugs, followed by spankings all around and lots of inappropriate cuddling and cooing. All in all, a great way to return home after a long trip on the road.

And the pizza was delicious.


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But did you give the poor dog some water?


Who needs family when you've got pizza?


So right, Susanna. Who was it that said something like, "Pizza is like sex. Even when it's not that great, it's still good."
Or was that rape?



Oh, you silly celebrities! Insisting on using letters to guage your success.

Everyone knows success is found in the intangibles: the sheepish smile of an adulterous wife...the salty tears of a freshly spanked child...the dry heaves of an emaciated dog...

That sort of thing.


Your double-posting (here and MySpace) confuses me, but in a good way. What I'm saying is that I don't take exception to it, and that's good for both you and me. Dear friend, enjoy your lovely Fall weather, the changing leaves, and the wildfires caused by miscreant adolescents throwing their cigarette butts into the piles of leaves you have raked.


The alphabetical celebrity listing...isn't that what dictates the number of industry blowjobs required to achieve a certain status, in proportion to talent?

If you're a P or Q, then you might need some lip-salve and Chloraseptic.

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