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October 25, 2007

Atlanta, You Sweet Bitch

Well, Atlanta, you didn't let me down. You were one sweet bitch. Last night we played at The Roxy, which is a fantastic theater down here. Half an hour before showtime there were, no joke, probably fifteen in the audience. Needless to say, we were not happy. The theater holds about a thousand, so that's 1.5% capacity. Not an auspicious way to start the evening. Slowly but surely people trickled in, and by the time show started, I would say we had about three hundred people there. By no means impressive, but at least enough so that you couldn't necessarily hear individuals in the audience muttering, "This guy sucks." They had to shout to do that.

The show itself was really fun. I guess it's true what they say about Southerners and their hospitable ways. Only a couple yelled random shit at the stage, and I only had to call two people "fucking retards," which is good for me. Normally, the first twenty or twenty five minutes of the show is me screaming obscenities at the audience. Last night, probably only the first twelve minutes, so that was a considerable improvement.

Showalter was very funny - most of his act was devoted to talking about the Gnarls Barkley song "Crazy," and what a "fresh sound" those guys have. After the thirtieth of fortieth time he said it, it got very funny. Afterwards, I caught up with an old high school friend named Donna, who I haven't seen since we graduated high school. I won't say when that was, but suffice to say, it was 1988. Donna looked great and was unabashedly hitting on Showalter the entire time we were out. The fact that she had her three month old daughter strapped to her in a Baby Bjorn made the experience a little uncomfortable. She didn't have a three month old. In fact, she doesn't have any babies, which lead me to conclude she has a barren womb.

Also joining us out was my friend Valentina, who I met a while ago in Athens GA. She's a student at the University of Georgia, and apparently she is NOT from Argentina, and in fact seemed angry that I thought she was from Argentina. Apparently, Valentina hates Argentinians, to which I say, "Welcome to the club."

All in all, it was a pleasant evening, which I capped off by going to my hotel room and reading Tom Clancy for two hours before bed. Yes, I read Tom Clancy. Not only that, I read it off a pdf file. Does that make me lame, or does its very lameness make me, in fact, incredibly cool? I think we all know the answer to that. Anyway, here's what I look like at the Hyatt in Atlanta:



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You have a little something on your lip...nope,you missed it...go "mmmmm"<--licking upper lip...

Just playin'...I think I can speak for all of us when I say I sure am glad you're making use of your camera.

Ethereal Zoe

Speaking as one of the fifteen who were in the audience at 7:30, I knew my fellow Southerners wouldn't let you down. If you play a show at the Roxy, we shall come.

You and Sho were SO on last night. To say you guys were hilarious is an understatement, but it's true. Thanks to you both for making my first show a great one.


Zoe! You finally saw them! yay! I'm beginning to get a tad forlorn that they haven't included a show near me this year. I'm beginning to think it's something I said or maybe it's because I vomited on Sho's shacket.


Valentina is also my favorite "Argentinian", as far as Argentinians go. She's adorable AND smart AND rocks at Stella Merchandising!

P.S. Tell Donna about Barren Wombs, Inc. Great support system there. Every Tuesday we have toast and picket this Godawful place called: "Baby in a Jar". ;-)

Ethereal Zoe

Hey Camille! Yup, finally got to a show and couldn't be happier I did. :)

As for the shacket, I wondered why he wasn't wearing it last night. Now we know. ;)


It never ceases to amaze me that people actually yell things at you while you're performing, but having only 2 audible retards in an audience of 300 is a pretty good ratio. Plus, I really think "retard audience exchanges" have become a solid part of your show now, so people have come to expect it, and you guys have mastered it and made it into an expert science. So, "Retards...YAYYYYY!" ;-)

For the record, I have never doubted your ability to grow a handlebar moustache.


Eerily handsome picture. Dammit, anyway. I'm trying to not care about you.


Oh yeah. And, anyone out there interested in some great Stella Merchandise, btw, please check out
www.cafepress.com/stellacomedy and our myspace page at: www.myspace.com/stellamerch.

End of plug. (That is not in my butt).


I guess a heart-stoppingly potential audience of fifteeen is better than the audience of one you'd have over here in Britland. And you wouldn't want to wear that hood, we always arrest people who wear hoods.(That's actually true).

But I must say, you are rocking that beard.


Oops! I put too many 'e's in fifteen. Give me a break, I just woke up. Stupid time zones.


Thanks for a great show at the Roxy! I work right next door and I couldn't believe my luck when I saw that you were performing. I was also quite excited to learn that you have embraced the glory of Waffle House. Come back to Atlanta soon!!!


do your children complain about the exfoliating effects of stubbly facial hair the way mine do?

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